Excerpts from McCain's campaign - you can't make this stuff up - well you can its just not as funny

[grantcart]

Dewey Cheetham
AP on the Speaking in Tongues Express
With the McCain campaign





With one of the most critical meltdowns in Wall Street modern history John McCain faced the problem and said, "I will not rest until I find a bunch of wealthy people who are much smarter than me to tell me what to do so that I can tell all of you what to do. Never again will we have people elected to government drive this economy in the ditch - we are going to subcontract it out."

McCain repeated the lines when he darted on and off the morning talk shows which included the rather remarkable line to Mika on morning Joe: "Well Mika you are a trollop".

Astonished reporters turned to the McCain campaign for greater elaboration. Holtz-Eakin, campaign spokesman explained that they felt no need to give an actual plan saying, "Now, there's no magic solution and I don't think it's at this moment imperative to write down exactly what the plan has to be".

When pressed further how he was going to communicate with congress about what he intended to do as President the proposed legislation would have more detail, including checked boxes, Holtz-Eakin said. "But there should be an understanding that when you walk out of the Congress with a piece of legislation in the next administration, those boxes are checked and those things are effectively accomplished."

When left with the impression that these vague statements would not be enough to satisfy the concerns of the American people Holtz-Eakin said that the campaign will not be writing any legislation but rather laying out guidelines that legislation should adhere to.

Remarkably he thought that he would pacify the deep concern by reminding voters that McCain is not in fact running for a really tough job saying, McCain is running for president and not "chairman of the SEC,"

When reporters in Washington asked Senator Shelby the ranking Republican on the Senate Banking Committee also disagreed, in part, with McCain's call today for a 9/11 Commission to investigate corporate pay packages and other issues related to the economy. Another article quotes him in regards to Senator McCain as saying “Let him talk, nobody listens to him anyway.”

Reporters were now interested in finding out what he actually did on the commerce committee and Holtz-Eakin's response to what McCain did at the Senate Commerce Committee to understand how markets work. "He did this," Douglas Holtz-Eakin told reporters this morning, holding up his BlackBerry. "Telecommunications of the United States is a premier innovation in the past 15 years, comes right through the Commerce committee so you're looking at the miracle John McCain helped create and that's what he did."

Finally as the reporters realized that they had more than a week worth of completely stupid statements from the McCain campaign about the economy and were wrapping it up, one of them asked if the campaign had a response to the blow back on McCain's statement that "the fundamentals of the economy are sound". Holtz-Eakin responded that as everyone knows the candidate does not speak for the campaign and the campaign has determined that the economy is in fact in crises, releasing the following ad titled "Economy in Crises"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x7EbK1RREU4


Script:
MCCAIN: The economy is in crisis. Enough is enough. I'll meet this financial crisis head on.
Reform Wall Street. New rules for fairness and honesty. I won't tolerate a system that puts you and your family at risk.
Your savings, your jobs ... I'll keep them safe.
ANNCR: Experience and leadership in a time of crisis.
MCCAIN: I'm John McCain and I approved this message.




All of the statements in bold are actual campaign quotes or taken from actual articles Everything not in bold letters is made up. I know its not as funny as the actual statements from the McCain campaign but no one can be that idiotic.


http://firstread.msnbc.msn.com/

http://www.eufaulatribune.com/euf/news/opinion/columnists/article/senators_follow_party_support_mccain/36659/

[central scrutinizer]

1. Dewey Cheatham? Isn't this column usually written by Heywood Jablowme?

[grantcart]

2. lol

[grantcart]

3. ..

[Shine]

4. And further down the rabbit hole we go....

:eyes:


PS. Thanks for your nice PM, grantcart. :pals: I was impressed and touched.

[grantcart]

5. tu