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9/17/2008
John McCain: The Town Hall Stalker:
Let us say, and why not, that you're a guy, a gay one and single, living in DC, and you go to a party at a friend's place in Dupont Circle. It's a fun, low-key gathering, mixed crowd, but lots of people worth talking about. Someone points out to you the kind of creepy-looking dude who has a lot of people hanging around him. Says he's a good guy, nice to talk to, will treat you right, maybe you oughta talk to him. So you, being open-minded, head over to his corner, introduce yourself, and, while he seems harmless enough, there's no click and, well, truly, he's kind of creepy, a cross between a molesting priest and a partner-beater.
You want out of the conversation, and as you make excuses for heading to the bar, creepy-but-seemingly-harmless guy - hell, let's give him a name, like "Sean" - says you two should go out sometime. Wanting to get back to the others, and maybe, in a friendly sense, half-meaning it, you say, "Sure, let's do that." You see where this is going, no? You, dear, kind gay guy, have set off a chain of events that'll leave you curled up in a corner and wishing that the whole city would just disappear into the slime-covered swamp it's built on.
Creepy Sean starts calling you, asking you when you're gonna go out. After being nice about it, putting him off, hoping he'll get the idea, like most normal people would, you let voicemail get him. And then you just block his number, thinking that will be that. But then you hear that Creepy Sean has been bad mouthing you, telling others how you don't keep your promises. Then he takes it further, making shit up about you, saying you've got herpes, maybe even HIV, saying you like to fuck young teenage boys unprotected so you can infect them, saying how you stabbed in the back the last guy you had a relationship with and robbed his mom. Your friends, they know Creepy Sean's a fucking asshole. But people who don't know you? They start to eyeball you at clubs and restaurants, wondering if you are the monster Creepy Sean describes.
Finally, you see Creepy Sean on the street. You walk up to him and confront him. What the fuck? Creepy Sean just looks at you placidly, taking you in up and down, and says, "Hey, if you'd have gone out with me, none of this would have happened." ...
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