EarlG News: Media Announces Bailout Of McCain Campaign

[EarlG]

WASHINGTON, DC -- Acting to avert a possible crisis in the U.S. presidential election, the media today announced a bailout of Sen John McCain's (R-AZ) campaign. Cable news commentators scrambled to prop up the Senator's sagging poll numbers Friday as the fast-disappearing dream of a nail-biting horse-race threatened to bring down America's entire punditry system.

A senior CNN political analyst speaking on condition of anonymity said that the collapse of McCain's campaign could prove disastrous to the pundit industry. "A horse-race is vital to our bottom line," he said. "Without neck-and-neck poll numbers we can't maintain an air of suspense right up to election day, and our ratings will suffer. I could be out of a job by this time next week."

"These are desperate times, and we're going to take unprecedented action to bring the polls back into line with our preferred projections," said another anonymous insider. "We'll be ignoring all of McCain's gaffes on foreign policy matters and covering up his tremendous flip-flops on the economy. Then we'll focus tightly on polls which show the closest possible race between the two candidates."

If the first part of the media's emergency bailout fails to turn things around industry insiders say they could resort to more drastic measures, such as taking more of Michelle Obama's comments out of context to gin up another false controversy about her patriotism, or creating additional rumors about Barack Obama's religion. An anonymous source at Fox News revealed, "At this point nothing is off the table."

Reaction to the announcement was mixed, with many members of the public remaining skeptical. "Isn't the media supposed to tell us what's actually happening in the world, as opposed to cherry-picking stories in order to create a narrative that boosts their ratings and advertising revenue?" asked Bob Jenkins, 52, a mechanic from Harrisburg, Penn.

Despite the media's best efforts, John McCain's campaign has teetered on the brink of collapse ever since he selected a clueless moosehunter as his running mate.

[SoonerPride]

1. oh, snap

that'll leave a mark

[kid a]

3. perfect - can i cut and paste to my email list??

:kick:

[EarlG]

7. Of course

:hi:

[mrreowwr_kittty]

42. Cool! I'm going to do it too.

I'll give you credit, of course. :)

[FloridaJudy]

53. Done. Thanks! eom

:kick:

[bleever]

2. Too big to fail!

I hope this heralds a new regular feature, EarlG.

:thumbsup:

[HowHasItComeToThis]

44. PUNDITS? NO, PROPAGANDISTS!

[NanceGreggs]

4. "a clueless moosehunter"

:rofl:

[JBoy]

14. Mooseless cluehunter selects clueless moosehunter

[lapislzi]

27. Oh, dear...coffee on the screen alert...coffee on the screen alert...

:rofl:

[NanceGreggs]

39. ...

:rofl:

[LynzM]

64. LMAO...

Oh, well played! :rofl:

[FloridaJudy]

55. A friend of mine

Calls her "Rambo Barbie". That works for me as well.

[libodem]

5. I kiss you EarlG

you're funny.

[kid a]

6. K & R

[CaliforniaPeggy]

8. Oh, good one!

I am laughing!

Excellent work!

K&R

:patriot:

[leftynyc]

9. I hope it's okay

if I send this along to everyone in my address book - with a proper tip of the hat to you, of course.

[gademocrat7]

10. So true

thank you

[WCGreen]

11. Hollywood Insider goes Bofoo over EarlG reporting....

Crack me right the fuck up....

[SallyMander]

12. A+

:yourock:

[Love Bug]

13. EarlG, you are my hero!

Worthy of the Onion! Bwahahahaha!

:rofl:

[dave29]

15. LOL

:)

[knixphan]

16. Ohhhhhh!

Now that is the shizzle.

Nice!
:kick:

[FrenchieCat]

17. It would be funny, if it wasn't so true!

[lame54]

18. I only have one word to say for this...

MOOSE: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GMP-4YRxBZo

[nc4bo]

19. !! k&r - yucky times, they are a'comin'! We'll get through it! nt

[crazylikafox]

20. LOL.... k&r

[kestrel91316]

21. Oh, yeah! You get a gold star, EarlG!

[Mabus]

22. I hope they don't forget to mention he's a POW

and he didn't have the media propping him up for five and half years. And it was during those five and a half years in the Hanoi Hilton. . .

[Cha]

23. Rec'd~ Fucking A that's

what they're doing. So Fookin' Preditable.

Mooselini rides again!

What to do about the corporatemediaWhore$ and their CorpormediaWhoreMasters?

[barbtries]

24. brilliant

really.

[SeattleGirl]

25. Bwahahahahaha!

You slay me, EarlG!

:rofl:

[cynatnite]

26. And Britney Spears made news by not imploding on national TV

Perfect, Earl! :rofl:

[Maestro]

28. Despite article written by EarlG

John McCain reports that the fundamentals of his campaign are strong although he said he may fire the SEC Chairman. :rofl:

[mdmc]

98. McCain opposes the media's bailout of political campaigns

Washington DC -
John McCain once again verified his maverick reputation today when he publicly opposed the media's bailout of his political campaign. :thumbsup:
_________________________
earlg- well done
and nice reply maestro -

[here_is_to_hope]

29. K and R #50! Cant be said loud enough! n/t

[satya]

30. Many a truth is said in jest. Nailed it! k&r

[UrbScotty]

31. Oh, damn, you're amazing, Earl!

[mvd]

32. That's brilliant, EarlG! K&R

Here's what a day that you describes looks like:

- focus on McCain shifting blame for the bailouts to Obama
- Bring up Rev. Wright again
- Look, Rasmussen only has it tied!
- Pick apart Biden's speaking style this time
- Show old state projection maps
- Show Florida Survey USA poll
- Focus on Michelle Obama's "cute" comment
- Then try to show how Palin's hunting reputation is more in tune with America
- Show new McCain ad for free, put on repeat
- To end the day: is the recession CLINTON's fault?

[Rainbowreflect]

33. I think I just hurt myself!

:spray: :rofl:

[1corona4u]

34. AHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA...GOOD ONE!!

And spot on!

[rontun]

35. Sadly, your satire reflects a demented reality.

I love it and have posted a link to it on Our local party's blog. Thanks for the smiles.

[denem]

36. "The fundamentals of our campaign are strong"

[Labors of Hercules]

37. Is this going to print?

Needs to be in newspapers and mags nationwide. :thumbsup:

[Ian_rd]

38. Are you trying to make us laugh or cry?

Satire is difficult to detect when our society has become such a ridiculous joke and nearly everyone in the media appears to be working for The Onion.

[DFW]

40. The moose are clueless as to why, too:

I posted this previously, for the record (still not ashamed of it):

[rosesaylavee]

49. Bet Bocket J. Squirrel has a

thing or two to say about this too. Sounds like Mr. Big is behind this.

Poor Bulwinkle!

[DFW]

99. And Palin doesn't even need a passport to visit Frostbite Falls

Although she might not be aware of that.........

[notaboutus]

41. IT's our fault

We all know the corp media lies and all we do is blog and complain. Where are the petitions? Where are the corp media boycotts? Where are the letter writing campaigns to their sponsors? True they laugh at a few hundred e-mails but if it were close to a million and was reflected in Nielson ratings. Corp media wouldn't laugh anymore. This really bothers me because we no longer have free press. It is not just reflected in election coverage it is the news in general. I try but this is a situation that calls for strength in numbers. This is a cause that needs more than one soldier it needs an army.

[AndyTiedye]

43. This Belongs on the Front Page! K/R

:kick:

[paparush]

45. This belongs in the DU Hall of Fame!

[pleah]

46. Three cheers for EarlG!

:toast: :toast: :toast:

Well said.

[jillan]

47. Earl - you should send that to CNN.

It says it all :)!

[rosesaylavee]

48. Hope you don't mind...

Just sent this out on my email list - linking back to your journal of course.

VERY funny and of course, right on as usual.

Thank you for posting.

K & R

[BrklynLiberal]

50. An absolute classic! Inspired! Literally ROTFLMAO!!

:bounce: :thumbsup: :hi: :headbang: :yourock: :woohoo: :applause: :rofl:

[RNdaSilva]

51. I've been saying this since...

Thanks for supporting the fact that I wasn't exaggerating.

[cui bono]

52. Purrfect! Send it to all the networks!!!

[vanderBeth]

54. Hahaha

:spray:

[caseycoon]

56. OMG!

I think I believe this!
:rofl:
Good one! I needed a good laugh.....
Thanks EarlG!

[Major Hogwash]

57. Just wait until the first debate next Friday. You want to see pundits lie their asses off!!

If anyone even suggests after the debate that McCain "held his own" against Obama, I'm gonna puke.

And they haven't even held the debate yet!
That's how confident I am that McGrumpy will say more than just 1 thing that is totally stupid or out of this world crazy.
He'll probably claim that the media has been harder on him than on Obama.
He'll mention that he was a POW as often as he can, probably every other sentence.
He will lie his ass off, of course, and accuse Obama of raising taxes on the middle class.

But, you know that the pundits will suggest that McCain did well against Obama.
I feel like Dan Ackroyd imitating Bob Dole when I say, "I know it, you know it, the American people know it. McCain blew it, he is finished."

John Kerry beat the shit out of George Bush in all 3 debates in 2004, and yet Bush was re-elected.
After the Republicans wore "purple heart" bandaids at the 2004 RNC, I will never forgive them. Ever.
At the time of the 2004 RNC, 1328 American soldiers had been killed in the Iraq War.
But now, 4 years later, over 4130 American men and women soldiers have been killed in Iraq - a war started on lies, rumors, and innuendo.

There is no way that McCain will "win" any of these debates.
He should NOT be our president.
He should have a mental evaluation and see if he is mentally fit to even remain serving in the Senate, but that is just my opinion.
I think the stress of the campaign has taken a toll on ol' Johnny Mac.
He seems more out of touch with reality with each passing day.

[tblue37]

58. _The Onion_?

[phrigndumass]

59. You kill me :)

:rofl:

[ClusterFreak]

60. Touch 'em all, EarlG.

:thumbsup: :kick:

[whistle]

61. What the fuck does all that mean, that the media will MAKE THE NEWS

...just so it can go on paying its political pundits to spread propaganda and total lies to make money? That's bullshit!

[ClusterFreak]

62. Um...

...it's....

...a joke...???

:shrug: :rofl:

[crickets]

63. Bravo! -nt

:rofl:

[Dem_in_Nebr.]

65. So what else is new???

Isn't that what they're doing now? ;-)

Hadda say it!

[Hutzpa]

66. Good catch Earl G

imagine that, although this is something most of us here at DU already know,
Me think this should go Viral, let the world know what the American media
is planning.

We have them right there at their 'GULLA'

We should never let go now.....

[D23MIURG23]

67. "John McCain's campaign has teetered on the brink...ever since he selected...his running mate"

To be fair its been pretty jejune and sickly looking for a lot longer than that. That having been said, I think the running mate will be his coup de gras.

[Towlie]

68. I was just wondering, how many mooses has she killed? Does anyone know?

[GoddessOfGuinness]

69. EarlG, this is Onion material, y'know...

I really think you should submit it. :yourock:

[spanone]

70. bwahahahahaaa...

please please please

[RagingInMiami]

71. Nice one

[Lochloosa]

72. Thanks for the email meat!

[crazy_vanilla]

73. K & R

[aint_no_life_nowhere]

74. A sad but true commentary on what journalism has become

[blm]

75. Yep...you NAILED IT, Earl...and THIS has been the biggest problem for all Dems for over 10yrs.

And we have to get dead serious about fighting back and exposing them. I'm copying your 'news alert' and will be sending it around.

[Barrymores Ghost]

76. CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP!!!!!!!!!!!!

[HCE SuiGeneris]

77. SchSchwing!

:toast:

[Erin Elizabeth]

78. Great place to put this.

Bookmark it. Read the FAQ. It seems pretty solid:

http://election.princeton.edu/

Always check out the EV prediction at the very top of the home page. It takes alllllll the state polls and creates a prediction of electoral votes based on that (read the FAQs for a better explanation than I can give).

[dchill]

79. You are so K'd and SO R'd!

"I didn't think anyone would notice our selected use of skewed and carefully aged polls." - anonymous media insider

[sun zoom spark]

80. Yep, it's the GOP all right: the party of Lincoln .... Continentals.

[Gamey]

81. Up next! Did Obama pay for Paris Hilton's abortion?

[mcollier]

82. Oh Boy!

Not another bailout at the expense of the American People....

[Poseidan]

83. TV Media and The Internet

Traditional forms of media must find a way to compliment the internet, otherwise the internet will destroy them. People come on here, not selling a damn thing, spreading the truth at light-speed... the entire corporate media infrastructure is vulnerable.

[annabanana]

84. An accidental "long shot" of a McCain crowd sent punditry into a

tailspin. Camera operators have vowed that there will be nothing but tight, podium shots for every campaign appearance from here on in... The vast discrepancies in crowd size is deemed far too illustrative of the genuine gap in attendance.

[Quantess]

85. My friends, we need a 9-11 commision to find out what happened.

:D

[OakCliffDem]

86. What is the proportion of truth to fiction in this post?

I think truth holds the majority position.

[proud patriot]

87. whoops I forgot to recommend this

[LuckyLib]

88. In what respect, EarlG?

;)

[truedelphi]

89. I know you THINK you are joking, but my view of things is that one reason for the REAL BAILOUT

Is to keep the Economy somewhat propped up so that McCAin's chances are a bit better.

And if he still loses, well, they WILL let the economy totally unravel once Obama gets in.

[lonestarnot]

90. Watch out for those mechanics in Harrisburg, Penn.

[Samantha]

91. Let them bail out the McCain campaign!

Hey EarlG,

If the whole MSM collapses from economic failure due to loss of viewership, we the poster people will have to buy its bad debt as well. Then none of us could afford to donate to DU, due to our once again increased deficit debt. I would much rather see it sink due to bailing McCain than us sink bailing them. :)

Sam

[Redstone]

92. Well-said, indeed.

Redstone

[Spiffarino]

93. You never fail to deliver, EarlG

:rofl:

[NBachers]

94. You know, when I read "clueless moosehunter"

somehow I accidentally read "clueless moonstrutter."

Somehow it seemed appropriate.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1n03a7cLf0M

[anonymous171]

95. K&R

Good work! :kick: :rofl:

[Life Long Dem]

96. And the media misbehaving opposed to what? behaving ?

:bounce: Nothing but good news!!

[mcollier]

97. That would be the perfect SNL Skit!

You may want to consider sending it to them over a SNL or the Daily Show...


Here is an SNL like Skit about McCain that is a Must See:
Called: McCain.I.AM
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=385x194143

[lamp_shade]

100. k

[polichick]

101. Sad but true - well done you!

[Solomon]

102. Yesterday I saw a poll that said voters consider Obama

to be the "riskier" choice for president. I burst out laughing because I immediately thought, damn he must be leading big in all the relevant polls because they had to something that makes it ook like McCain is ahead in something. So now we got the whose "riskier" poll.

[WillyT]

103. An Instant DU Classic !!! - K & R !!!

:rofl::applause::rofl:

:yourock:

:kick:

[Kurovski]

104. I love you more than all the internet porn that ever was, or ever will be.

:rofl: