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Edited on Mon Nov-24-08 10:12 AM by johnlucas
Wasn't even interested in this political scene this year 'cause I was so demoralized by the inherent corruption I saw all politics as. I told myself I wasn't even going to vote this year despite me being Black and feeling connected to what my ancestors went through to have the right. I had voted in every presidential election since I was 20 (1996) and vote in my local elections too despite growing doubts about the validity of the whole process.
I watched some YouTube clips after seeing a news report on some cable network and I started getting into the guy. He sounded fresh and different and was basically the even-headed thinker I've always wanted in an elected official. The more I listened the more I was impressed (and not just Barack either, his wife Michelle persuaded me too) and before long I was enthused about the guy. I said Finally the Real Deal! Not a phony. Not owned by these powers that be. I rejoiced at every primary & caucus he took and even spoke up about him to my skeptical cousin along with people at work.
I "knew" some things he said on the trail were in response to a reality of racism that could kill his chances to get to the White House so I let some things slide thinking more of strategical purposes than integral purposes. I thought he handled the Rev. Wright situation well the first time in March. Not many people were going to understand or want to understand how right on the Rev. was in what he was saying (because of background and how he said it) and by Barack doing that speech in March, he showed fresh understanding and courage by not selling down the river someone who had been a great part of his life. I was annoyed by his insistences of "my FORMER pastor" and how he tried sometimes too hard to put distance between himself and Wright but I "understood" the reason why.
But after the late April situation when Wright made those appearances and Barack just tossed him aside I for the first time halted in favor of Obama. I DIDN'T agree that Wright had to shutup and not speak his mind just because Barack was running for president. I felt that this was one guy who was going to keep Barack honest in his dealings with a corrupt machine like D.C. He was outspoken and animated for sure but he made a lot of sense. Barack said the man was like family to him and for goodness sake he married Barack to Michelle, baptized his kids, and turned Barack over to the whole Christian religion in the first place when he came to that church! Jeremiah Wright WAS the Trinity United Church of Christ! LITERALLY! That church was made in his vision and being a member of that church for over 20 years means INDEED that Barack has allegiances to much of what is said in that church. That doesn't mean they agree 100% but I bet for damn sure it's at least 80%. For God's sake the title of one of his books was titled after an excerpt from one of Wright's sermons. The Republicans were right on this one. Barack & Wright have close ties to each other.
So when he just went back on everything he did in March I felt a little betrayed. I felt it was cowardly no matter the reality of racism in this country. For a week after that I sort of fell out of keeping up with Obama happenings. I eventually told myself keep eyes on the prize. Maybe the two devised this to take the issue off the table so it won't pop up later. I said just remember who this is. A Black guy with the middle name Hussein in a country with a lot of xenophobia. Just be patient. So I got back on board and waited for the long inevitability that he would push Hillary out of the running. Then it came and he was the presumptive nominee. I was happy like before and anxious for the future of how he would build his campaign.
Then he started that BS "run towards the middle" stuff & I started getting disgusted. I didn't like his seemingly programmed response to the Israel question (as if Israel has its hands clean in that conflict. both sides are complicit in that mess). And a few other things irked me a little in how he addressed things. But what turned me off of him was that FISA vote. I'm like "Obama, you're supposed to change how things run in Washington. That includes those weak Democrats. Don't vote along with them even if the law can't be stopped. Show courage and conviction by putting your record down that shows you stood against the lot like you said you did on the Iraq vote...even though you couldn't vote at the time."
I didn't like Obama because he was a Democrat, no. I hated the Democrats as much as I hated the Republicans because they were weak as pisswater when it came to standing up for the progressive principles so long needed in this country. For not standing up to those who would destroy them — established and unestablished. I was raised in a Democratic family (you better thank FDR and Civil Rights Era for all these 'loyal blacks' you got) but a few years ago I decided to stop calling myself a Democrat due to how things were run in this country. I have eyes, I can see what's around me. This is the reason why I almost gave up on voting this year. 2006 meant nothing. Absolutely nothing.
I saw Obama running in this crooked system which only allows two choices to work from the inside out to destroy it. He had to play the game a little bit to get inside but once inside he was supposed to undo the corruption that ensnares all the country's citizens. Deep undercover. I saw his rapid rise from law professor/civil rights attorney, state senator, U.S. Senator as proof that he knew he had to get to the very top to continue helping out those many figurative streets he worked with as a community organizer. That explained his ambition to me. I wanted him to be as much as an outsider as he could possibly be in order not to be bought off or controlled by the status quo. But I also wanted him to be in truth beyond the labels of Democrat and Republican only running in one of the labels in order to get elected thanks to this fixed system. A 3rd party within one of the 2 parties. A Manchurian Candidate for The People is what I saw him as.
So this FISA vote had me baffled. It was the 4th Amendment he was playing with. This is another one of Bush's destructive measures. Why would he follow the wimps of Democrat ranks and not vote against purely on principle. I said "Damn it! I've been suckered! I bought into it when I said I wouldn't!" Right then and there I threw out the reasons of racism and deep strategical manuevers and said he's just another slick smooth talker like all the rest. And I felt really bad because his backstory was so good and looked so promising. It was just like his vote on the Patriot Act. He caved into corruption and I said "well back to December when I didn't care about this crap either way."
I stopped favoriting clips of Obama stuff, stopped watching all this cable news I had been accustomed to seeing in my election fever, stopped writing on or reading message boards about him or politics altogether. I let his campaign newsletters still hit my inbox but I ignored what was said in them. I unplugged from the scene for about 3 months not giving a care what he said or did occasionally cursing his name or deed when he happened to run across my TV or internet. I had bought an Obama T-shirt earlier that I had now buried deep inside the closet and was so let down by the promise I knew his election would bring. I said it would be wasted celebration because he was not aligned with The People. I stopped caring.
It wasn't until the Democratic Convention seeing Michelle and his sister on there after seeing the hope on Black people's faces in my daily life when they talked about Obama did I relent. I said regardless his election would at least be psychologically good. To see that image of the Obamas in the White House STILL has merits. To see this president's image in international affairs STILL has merits. Breaking that barrier was STILL important regardless of the merit of the candidate. I begrudgingly voted for the basest reason, his ethnic background. Before it was only one of the many many parts of why I saw promise in him as a candidate, the top reasons being what I thought was his honesty and intelligence. Now, hook or crook, I wanted to see him make that achievement because I knew once he made it, it would make it possible for others not connected to the machine and who come less affluent backgrounds to better make it in the future. If Obama wasn't the real deal, his election will set the stage FOR the real deal.
Then after September's fiascos he started sounding like that guy I got behind in the winter and spring. "THAT'S the guy I donated money to, doggone it!" I told myself that he simply had to operate in deep strategy because the stakes were too high to fail making this achievement. I never thought I would agree with any candidate 100% but despite my past anger I contained the betrayals. I felt excited like before to help him make this achievement. His family drove this a lot. The Obama family in that White House was too perfect and the mission could not fail despite Barack's occasionally cowardly moves.
I didn't know what to think about him approving of that bailout crap since I was of two minds myself. Don't give money and watch the whole thing fail taking all those jobs with it, give money and watch them abuse it while clipping off jobs in the process. I didn't trust it but I knew things were getting bad & I didn't have a degree in macroeconomics so I let it go. I said that his negatives were outweighed by his positives and I would have to hope that his positives would be in play as he became president.
I always said this was a longshot and I still feel that any Progress to be made was almost like Powerball chances. I began to look at Obama's election as the last stand before an inevitable revolution. All I had left was hope that he was still that same guy who came to a town he didn't know full of heavy heavy college loans trying to work in the ghettos as a community organizer helping people while riding a hoopty. The guy who only recently paid off his student loans and only became a millionaire after selling those books. Rich enough to understand big money but close enough to working class to understand a working class.
Part of me still thinks the guy is good at heart and sincere, the other part wonders if this is just one really good hustler selling a tantalizing and sorely wanted image. I don't put all my eggs in one basket with Obama and some of these Cabinet choices he's making are terrible. I say if he turns out to be another loser then either I don't vote in 2012 or I vote an outside party instead (there's actually another option but I won't say it here. I'll just say it's a ten-letter word beginning with 'R').
I criticize Obama because he needs criticism. He's not God, he's a man. And he's proven in the past to make some boneheaded decisions. Everybody needs to be challenged including him and it's very American to be able to speak truth to power. To look a leader in the face and say "You're F'ing up." I still have hope that my misgivings will hold no water and he turns out to be just as good as I believed him to be when I began keeping up in January. But it doesn't mean I won't speak out in hopes that he DOES live up to that legacy. The time to coddle the Republican way is over. Take charge, take the lead, and change the entire system. Change the tone, change the parties, and change Washington.
John Lucas
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