Well...I finally snapped during the Thanksgiving dinner

[applexcore]

Had a shit load of family over at the grandparents' house today-- somewhere around 30 people. I already don't like being around a lot of people, especially when some are certain members of my family. I'm completely different than most of them. They're those crazy fundies and 'compassionate conservatives'. So for that very reason, I try not to bring up politics. Unfortunately, my cousin and her Dad's longtime girlfriend decided it would be a good idea.

A little background about the girlfriend of my Uncle (we'll call her Mary): Mary is well known for being an idiot and not knowing stuff that most would consider common sense. I don't mean like, just average dumb. I mean, if Mary took an IQ test, I would easily bet $100 dollars that she would be considered legally mentally handicapped. Her parental skills don't seem to be very high either. When her son was 14, he was where ever he wanted to be and she ,9 times out of 10, didn't even know where he was at. Mary is also the type that doesn't know a damn thing about her religion, other than if she goes and sits in the pews every Sunday, she automatically is a good person and gets into Heaven.


Anyways, it started with Obama jokes, and each time, I would catch them glancing at me with some stupid smirk on their faces. I knew they were trying to get a rise out of me, but little did they know I had already gotten into my secret stash of a half gallon of Patron earlier in the day, and at that point I really didn't care what came out of my mouth. I initially shrugged it off, I didn't want to cause a scene at a nice dinner. Until...BINGO! Someone dropped the N-word! It was Mary, and I decided that it was a good time to embarrass the hell out of this woman in front of everyone. Heres how it went down:

Mary: Blah blah blah, N-word.

(pause)

Me: So Mary, you going to church on Sunday?

(Her face lights up--she thinks I want to go with her)

Mary: Of course! Why, you wanna go with me?

Me: No, I was just wondering if you really were that big of a fucking hypocrite.

Mary: Uhh

Me: I can see it now, using the word nigger today and praising the Lord with all your heart Sunday.

(Her facial expression does a complete 180--people like this really can't stand it when you use the Bible against them)

Me: You might want to pray a little harder this Sunday though, talking about God's children like that.

Mary: I..I..I..

Me: I figure you'll be on the first bus to hell with all that hate.


At this point, shes sitting pretty low in her chair. Its like shes trying to hide behind her turkey and cranberry sauce. I look around at the others with a smile. Half of them had expressions of shock and horror, the other half were holding back laughter. Mary didn't show her face much for the rest of the evening and left fairly early. I hate to make a meal awkward, but I'm not going to sit a listen to that shit.


Edit: My secret stash consisted of a half gallon of Patron, I didn't drink the whole half gallon.

[babylonsister]

1. You were a lot more polite than I would have been. Good for you!

I take it politics was dropped after that? :thumbsup:

[ClarkUSA]

2. Bravo.

:thumbsup:

[polichick]

3. One of the things we talked about at our Thanksgiving table today was...

...that it's going to take ALL of us standing up and speaking out when people in our churches, clubs, classrooms, work, etc. speak in racist or hateful terms about anyone else. Bullies only back down when their peers condemn them ~ GOOD ON YA!!!

[Inkyfuzzbottom]

4. You didn't make the meal awkward...

Mary and everyone who allowed her to spew her ugliness made the meal awkward. I applaud your actions. Happy Thankgiving!

[Razoor]

5. good for you!

I can't stand people like that. some people like her just need to be put in her place spouting hate like that.

[MadMaddie]

6. applexcore

Drink another sip of Patrone, you did a noble thing.

Letting these hate filled people know that their behavior is unacceptable and calling them on their bullshit is important.

Happy Thanksgiving!! You deserve it!!

[southerncrone]

7. Cheers!

The backward fundies must be put in their place. Their reign of terror upon the planet can no longer be tolerated. Now that their "protector" will be out of the visible power seat, I suggest we all put them back under their rocks where they belong. They will not go easily, but it must be done. They are holding the entire planet under hostage & their beliefs are dangerous to our continued existence.

[Laelth]

25. Hear, hear! Well said.

Looks like you have your work cut out for you in TN, southerncrone. It's one of the few areas of the country that's trending Republican at the moment, thanks, no doubt, to those who need removing to sub-terrestrial domiciles.

Interesting map here: http://www.princeton.edu/~rvdb/JAVA/election2008/

The United States is a LIBERAL Country.

:dem:

-Laelth

[Kalyke]

108. It's not really that it's all that much racist, though, Laelth.

It's that we don't have any form of media outlet that is anything shy of ultra conservative. It's horrible.

We wouldn't know Randi Rhodes or Stephanie Miller or, even, Lionel, if it weren't for those of us who listen to streaming audio. Seriously, it's that bad.

Therefore, when you have an entire state, outside of Memphis, who has no choice but to listen to RusHanniBoorSavage on their commutes from the rural areas into the cities for work, this is what you get: an uneducated, backward-thinking voting populace who continues to vote against their pocketbooks in favor of wedge issues they're never going to see come to fruition.

I'm very sad for my state.

[Laelth]

122. You nailed it.

"an uneducated, backward-thinking voting populace who continues to vote against their pocketbooks in favor of wedge issues they're never going to see come to fruition"

That's exactly the case with most Republicans I know. After all, there are two kinds of Republicans: millionaires and suckers. I don't think the majority of Tennesseeans are millionaires, and neither are the majority of Georgians, yet these suckers vote against their interests time after time. Personally, I think we need a liberal version of Fox. Al Gore did good work toward creating a liberal network, but his efforts came up short. Here's hoping that average Americans will eventually get access to the truth.

The United States is a LIBERAL Country.

:dem:

-Laelth

[LiberalEsto]

50. Instead of putting them under rocks

lets put them out in the bright light of exposure so people know exactly what kind of creeps they are!

:hi:

[elleng]

8. Good Work!

Thanks!

[hlthe2b]

9. Plus you made me go look up Patron... (I don't drink much tequila)

and obviously, not the good stuff...LOL


I'm guessing Mary knows she was "schooled." I wonder if she will use that word in company again...

[OnceUponTimeOnTheNet]

10. Good for you. My fundy FIL used the N word two weeks ago in my face,

He was talking about looking for N toe candy? And smirks at me afterward. Silent treatment from me since. He calls yesterday, Are yous coming out for Thanksgiving Day Dinner?

No. Going to my sisters. Thanx, Bye.

[Morning Dew]

38. nuts - that used to be fairly common slang for Brazil nuts. nm.

[rebel with a cause]

99. Have not heard that term since I was a kid.

It was what they use to call Creme drops (chocolate on solid vanilla cream filling) in the southern part of Illinois and probably in the states south of here. http://www.candyattic.com/chcovacrdr.html.

We definitely were not allowed to use that term, but knew what it was when the uncouth people said it. Your FIL sure showed his age, his uncouthness and his ignorance by using that term.

[crim son]

11. My gawd, that must have been satisfying!

And if Mary is really as stupid as you say she is, maybe you've given her something to think about.

[tilsammans]

12. Good for you!

That's my policy too: Calling them out on their bigotry and lies. :yourock:

[EconomicLiberal]

My family did the same thing tonight.

Profusive use of the N word all night and a healthy dose of ignorance about Obama and his policies.

I just ignore them and don't even waste my time. It's not worth the trouble.

[Doremus]

54. There's no way I could sit through that without opening my mouth.

I'd have probably made an excuse for not attending. No way would I put aside my personal integrity for the sake of faux happy family relations ... especially if family is comprised of assholes so devoid of integrity as to "use the N word all night."

:puke: :puke: :puke:

[otohara]

57. Ugh - How Awful

I don't know people who even say that word -

Ignore would be pretty hard for me.

[mitchum]

13. That word would have promptly had someone removed from my parent's table and house

and from my table and house

You didn't make the meal awkward; idiot Mary did that

[mass independent]

18. true story

About 6 or 7 years ago...Thanksgiving at the In Laws. My father in law drops the N Bomb. I stood up and went on a rant for a solid ten minutes. Stormed out of the room. Nothing was ever said of the event ever again, though he never said the word in front of me again.

I had a moment alone with him today. He looks at me and not only tells me he voted for Obama but calls his son a dumb ass for voting for McCain.

[Laelth]

27. Great story. Welcome to DU!

The United States is a LIBERAL Country.

:dem:

-Laelth

[akbacchus_BC]

36. Good on you for standing up to your convictions. Well, you made

a difference, FIL voted for Obama. Congratulations and welcome to DU.

[roguevalley]

40. my brother and I had a good dinner tonight. I think he has learned

that if he shuts his big mouth, things will be nice and he liked it. Pray for me at Christmas. :-D

[stlsaxman]

62. You Sir/Ma'am, flat-out ROCK!

:fistbump:

[Marrah_G]

48. Same- I can't imagine someone saying something like that at dinner

I know alot of Duers have to deal with it and it makes me so sad for them. It must be enraging and embarrassing at the same time.

[islandmkl]

14. thank god (whatever that might be) that you had your handy Emily Post guidebook with you...

otherwise, you might have been impolite....

good job...

how was the meal?

[Mid_FL_voter]

15. Yes, sometimes enough is enough. n/t

[sohndrsmith]

16. wow. I wish I had your fortitude. I used to hear my ex-father-in-law

go into a tirade about gays every holiday (my company was in Key West at the time), so it came up... I wanted to turn to him and alert him to the fact that my dad (whom he met and liked - they were both born in 1925 and had similar careers) was gay and dying of AIDS, then finish with telling him where he could go and what he could do with his bigoted stupidity, but I didn't because it would have hurt other people.

I still wish I'd called him to the carpet. It's a tough call depending on the circumstances.

I can't imagine what it would be like being in your situation... ugh. What a small, stunted, vile mind this woman has. I'm sorry you have to deal with her.

It amazes me that some people see Obama as the "scary, inferior black man" - only - even if they're the ones who never got past 10th grade and clearly lack a 10th of his intelligence and achievement. Yet they still think he's "lesser than" - or that any black person is... Guess MLK's speech was beneath their attention/acknowledgment, because THIS man, this Mr. Obama, proves that a man can, and should, be judged by the content of his character (it is no longer just a dream, Dr. King, yet clearly we still have a lonnnnnnggg way to go)...

I will never understand the deliberate choice of hate over - anything - especially that which is positive.

[bagrman]

81. "scary, inferior black man" He's not and that's what scares the little ignorant bigots.

[NJCher]

17. stories like this

...make me so happy I live 1500 miles from any family.

:)



Cher

[rebel with a cause]

101. Lucky you...I sure wish I did. n/t

[EFerrari]

19. Good for you. None of them will forget it.

Better to have an awkward meal than sit back and let the stupidity keep going into another generation.

I did something like that once at a family dinner and the family polarized and had a small war that lasted for months. A real war with a name and everything. It was over my two cousins spending time with their lovers. The male cousin was praised and the female cousin was criticized. Oh, no you don't.

That was twenty years ago. No woman has ever been criticized for her sexuality or her personal choices like that at a family gathering again. :evilgrin:

Well done, applexcore. :toast:

[madamesilverspurs]

34. Owies.

Reminds me of the time I was taking the folks for a drive in the mountains. Dad, who raised us to believe that his opinion is the ONLY opinion, started off on a rant about those "damn wimmen who get themselves pregnant then expect taxpayers to support them." Seems Dad forgot who was driving. I pulled over to the side of the road, turned off the ignition and put the keys in my pocket. Half an hour later, we resumed our journey. Dad was mumbling about my wasted college education, Mom was in the backseat trying not to laugh out loud. It was a good ten years before he said anything similar in my hearing.

[ClusterFreak]

20. Good for you.

Good.

For.

You.
:applause:

[shaniqua6392]

21. What you did was the moral thing to do.

It is so hard to do though and I think you are very brave. It takes a lot of courage to stand up and defend discrimination. I applaud you!!

[eridani]

22. We are all living inside a giant Milgram experiment

You know, the one where actors playing authorities convince average people to up the amperage on another actor screaming in pain. That's the bad news. The good news is that in another experiment, a single person objecting loudly caused the others to back off. Thanks for being that person. We all need to do that more.

[AspenRose]

23. Thank you.

Really.


Thank you.

:hug:

[Danger Mouse]

24. It's not nice to pick on the mentally handicapped, even if they are stupid and mean.

[madaboutharry]

26. Good for you.

I have also had it with a lot of people and have found myself greatly enjoying calling people out on their Bullshit. I just don't let people get away with it anymore. It really feels good.

[Zombie2]

28. Well done.... and THANKS!!!

You did the right thing, Patron or not.

[tabbycat31]

29. i talked politics today too

to my grandmother (who thinks George Bush is the worst thing that has happened in her lifetime, including the Depression and WWII) and she was very proud of me for working on the Obama campaign and loved my pic with Biden.

My uncle (who lives in DC) said he votes for Nader in every election, and said that Obama will not bring change. I said that we will see.

[Catherine Vincent]

30. Thank you for putting that hypocrite in her place.

:thumbsup:

[fortyfeetunder]

31. Bam! Slam dunk

:fistbump:

Good for you for taking the matter in your hands!

[eshfemme]

32. That was absolutely fucking perfect!

I wish I coulda seen you smack Mary's stupidity down!

[mkultra]

33. you should have also mentioned how cool hillary is.

fucking Obama lovers.

[tularetom]

35. We had the whole crew 36 of them at our house last year

and a few of them (primarily my late sister's kids) started with that n-word crap. I didn't say a word until they left but as I was walking them all out to their cars I informed each of them that they should make their own arrangements for the holidays this year since we would not be inviting them back here.

Today we spent a few quiet hours with our daughter and son in law, our granddaughter and her husband and our new great granddaughter. The only time politics was ever mentioned was in connection with Prop 8 and since everyone agreed that it was bullshit and should be overturned, there was nothing to argue about.

The smaller the group, the less the potential for fights to break out.

[Swamp Rat]

37. Happy Fucking Thanksgiving Mary

:D

[Hepburn]

52. LMBO....

...:rofl:

[Glenda]

115. LOL!!!!

:spray: :rofl:

:fistbump:

[Indiana_Dem]

39. I hosted tonight and my husband and I dominated the conversation

in politics. We were talking about Palin. I think my SIL and her daughter had enough and decided to leave for some odd reason?? She said she voted for Obama but usually leans Republican. She says she votes predominately Democratic but she is also very Christian-right religious. I don't know if she was telling the truth or not about voting for Obama. She knew how hard I worked to get Obama elected. She might've seen the writing on the wall and told me what I wanted to hear.

My farmer son-in-law voted for McCain (we heard from my step-daughter) because he was afraid of Obama's "links with terrorists and socialism". He didn't say anything about it to us. He just made the comment that he thought Palin was attractive and the guys at work had a pin-up of her.

We showed them the youtube of the Palin turkey interview and I think they couldn't believe their eyes. I think this kind of confirmed to them how crazy and unprofessional Palin really is. They all had a disgusting look on their faces with their eyes bugging out in disbelief.

The rest of the discussions were about green and renewable energy and health care issues. Not too much blowing up. My husband and I just felt like we had a stronger voice this year and were much happier.

[ColbertWatcher]

41. I think you deserve the rest of that Patron! Bravo! k+r, n/t

[cornermouse]

42. If you truly believe her to be legally mentally handicapped, then

what you did was quite cruel. I am not in any way supporting racism but what you did was not unlike kicking a puppy that doesn't know any better. You should have waited till one of your relatives with a higher IQ, who did know better opened their mouth and then stepped on them, not Mary.

[bahrbearian]

43. Or, ask her, please not to use that word at your table, Its simple and polite.

[cornermouse]

44. If it had been his table, then yes. That would have been good.

It says it was his grandparent's house. One of the other relatives should have stepped up. Personally, I would probably have stood up and left for the day. That would be another way to make a statement.

[bahrbearian]

60. I thought it was his table, Then he should have said "please don't use that word around Me."

and leave if it continued.

[pengillian101]

92. I agree.

If you truly believe her to be legally mentally handicapped, then
what you did was quite cruel. I am not in any way supporting racism but what you did was not unlike kicking a puppy that doesn't know any better.


I agree. Typical way for folks to ruin a holiday get-together for everybody! Leave your politics at the front doorstep. Enjoy your family while you have them. Life really is too short for politics to come between you. Don't ruin the holiday for everybody else. If someone says something really crass and stupid, just let it go for now.

Confrontations one-on-one make more of an an impression.

Embarrassment in front of 30+ family members will only cause resentment and make YOU look bad!

Save your arguments until you are alone.

[greguganus]

45. Sounds sort of like my experience

but I just ignored them all. After the meal, we were all sitting around talking, and then came the Obama jokes. People were laughing and going back and forth with their jokes, until my wife's sister's son (nephew in law, who's 16 years old), told an Obama joke. That's when his mom got mad and told him that was wrong. He then says, "Well, you laughed at it last night!" She then says she never heard him tell that joke, and he should stop because he could get in trouble at school Monday if he told the joke to his friends. So, no concern about the racist joke, just that he could get into trouble.
My wife and I left early, and her brother, who was outside smoking, stopped our car as we turned around. He had one more joke he wanted to tell us. I just shook my head and drove off. I feel like a coward now for not speaking out.
Our son was not able to be here for Thanksgiving. His girlfriend is Vietmanese, so we also got to hear jokes about them eating dog and cat at her house today.

[southern_belle]

46. Good for You!

:hi:

[madrchsod]

47. if you don`t say it`s wrong,,,,

then you say it`s alright....good for you.

[sunnybrook]

107. That is so true....

Remember Martin Luther King talked about having less frustration from the bigots and more frustration from the deafening silence of the good people. This person stood up for the good people!

[cooolandrew]

49. Very well done for you as this is how we overcome their nonsense the bible morals are the reverse of

most of what they believe. You did a good job, this is how we overcome any racial issues name it and shame it and hopefully reach a more tolerant but most of all accepting world.

[southernyankeebelle]

51. Great job

Wow at least your Mary has an excuse for being dumb. My Mary is a college grad (Dr). Wonderfull at her job and treats everyone and I mean everyone with respect. She hate the thought of Obama as president. Of course she has her own business and thinks if Bush only could have run for a third term she would have voted for him again. I can barely talk with her anymore. I only have a high school education and we were all raised in a democratic family. She and my other sister both are republicans. The only thing I can think that makes them this way is religion. In my younger years I always went to church every sunday and holy day of obligation. Now not so much because I can stand being preached to who to vote for. My 2 sisters go now all the time. That is the alone thing I can think of way they are the way they are. Our relationship is hanging by a thread. We just don't talk politics at all.
That is the only way we handle it. I tell everyone before they come over that we don't talk politics or religion any longer to keep the peace. I will talk with the ones that share the way I believe but not at special days. It really does keep the peace. You may want to try that.

[LaurenG]

53. - that's what I call bringing it home

No one at my table voted for McCain or if they did they didn't admit it. I did have several nasty fights with family members before the election. I found my normally calm personality went from 0 to 10 in no time. I can't stand to hear people saying things like that and the only way I could make them stop was to do what you did, only I think I was meaner.

[Honeycombe8]

55. Good for you! I spoke up a couple of months ago to my fundie bro, who said O is a muslim.

My family is mainly far right, fundie freepers. I live in a different city. We rarely discuss politics, and when THEY bring it up (knowing I tend left.....I'm an Independent), I usually try to be conciliatory or vague in my responses. I don't want confrontation during the one time of year I may see them. What's the point? I won't change their minds. They won't change mine.

But THIS year, my brother was at my house for a visit, when O appeared on TV. I said nothing. But my bro finally points at the TV and says, "You know, he's a muslim."

I FINALLY responded. I explained in a couple of sentences why he is NOT a muslim. My bro then says, "well, his father was, and if your father is, then the kid is." I then responded with a discussion ending response, "Well, WE were babtized Catholic when we were born because our father was Catholic and the Church required it, but that doesn't mean we're Catholic, does it? Even tho the Catholic Church might STILL regard us a Catholic from THEIR point of view doesn't make it so." He shut up. He knew I was right. We are most definitely not Catholic and have never been. We're not even very religious.

Then I went into a discussion of the night he won the nomination, and how it warmed my heart to see, finally, a non-white person win the nomination, altho that wasn't why I voted for O. I went on to state that I knew it would be an emotional night, but I hadn't realized HOW emotional it would and just how much it would mean to this segment of our country that had been locked out of the highest positions. My brother was silent.

For the rest of the visit, I didn't hear one bigoted remark out of my brother. Rare for him (a truck-driving, rednecky, very bigoted man who uses the "N" word - altho he is a loveable guy to me and otherwise a sweet man whom I love very much).

I will be silent no more.

[Grins]

118. Your brother still has it wrong.

The "rule" for Catholics and Jews is that the default situation is that it is the mother's religion that determines the children's religion. The thinking is, well, we may never know who the real father is, but we sure as hell know who the mother is!

In my youth (before I dropped out) the Catholic Church strongly discourage inter-religious marriages; and if they were to happen (and you wanted to get married in a Catholic Church), the non-Catholic would have to promise to bring the kids up Catholic. I'm pretty sure this was tru for Jews as well. Maybe other religions as well, but not sure.

The other response to your brother would be, "So?" Nothing in the Constitution says "No-Muslims allowed".

My thought the night of the election was, here is the United States, with an incurious retard as president, at war in two Muslim countries, and in a social war with the rest of them, just elected an educated, black, democrat - whose father was a Muslim! Is this country great or what!! More than half the planet the next day had to think ...WTF....?

[Hellataz]

56. Kudos for a great reply back!

She deserved it, as did anyone else in your family that thought it was ok to try and "get a rise out you" on a family holiday which should be about togetherness and good times, not spiteful differences of opinions.

Also to add that anyone who thinks it's appropriate to use the N word in general, let alone a family dinner should be ashamed of themselves and would never be invited back to my home again!

[spiritual_gunfighter]

58. Good for you

I don't think I could have kept that much composure after what Mary said, especially with a little alcohol thrown in the mix. Unfortunately there is some vague racism going on here at DU. Some people are defending Ralph Nader's use of the term "Uncle Tom" in reference to Obama on election night. Pretty disappointing.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=389&topic_id=4537896&mesg_id=4538940

[Tesha]

124. Nader didn't actually say it as a direct accusation, and you've been corrected on that.

Still, you persist; that says a lot about you.

Tesha

[spiritual_gunfighter]

127. i have seen your posts

You are a Nader fan, what does that say about you.

[LibDemAlways]

59. I have an elderly relative who used the "n" word yesterday who

actually voted for Obama because he was scared McCain was going to take away his Social Security and Medicare. I suppose you could call him a pragmatic racist.

[Pluvious]

61. My TG with the Freeper In-laws

Good for you standing up to racism.

My BIL and his wife are in that top 5% that worship his Shrubness.
The BIL an intelligent educated professional.

He believes Dubya is this country's "third greatest president in all our history"

I try very hard to avoid political discussions, as when I speak, my words to
their ears are like I'm speaking Swahili, and their eyes just glaze over until
they find the spot to interrupt (I'm never allowed to finish a comment).

They thot Palin was a great public speaker.

After one of the RW'r friends told them even he didn't believe BO was
a Muslim, then they said he's a Marxist. (and there's no way the SIL, who
was so shrilly insisting this point, even knows wtf a Marxist is ffs)

The SIL's capper comment: "Obama speaks too flowerly"

My lip still hurts.

[L0oniX]

63. Excellent ...we need more of that.

I am to the point where if anyone says they are republican, I say to them "oh your a bigot or a racist?" I love to put them on the defense.

[JDPriestly]

64. I usually try to let political differences pass at family dinners, although

I rarely have problems because, with one exception, virtually everyone in my family agrees with me on the most important things, but using racial slurs is not political talk. It's just meanness, and we don't need it. It is especially inappropriate at Thanksgiving and Christmas. So, you did the right thing under the circumstances.

[Dystopian]

65. Mary wasn't in church yet you made her sit in her own pew.

Thank you. I hate that word, and you had a great comeback for her.
Those Christians don't know the Golden Rule...I almost feel sorry for them.
Maybe she'll finally take a look inside her blackened heart...I hope so.
These people need to feel shame.

:yourock:
Thank you for speaking for all...

peace~

[dickthegrouch]

66. Great lyrics for a song that is very apropos

Check out Ron Romanovsky and Paul Phillips' song "Be Political not Polite"

http://romanovskyandphillips.com/politicallyrics.htm#bepolitical

They have lots more great songs too

Dick

[LWolf]

67. I'm conflicted.

:fistbump:

I think it's appropriate to confront racism no matter where it is, even at the family dinner table.

I'm also sorry it had to take place at a family gathering.

[complain jane]

68. Good for you

I love what you did, and I love that you drink Patron :)

[Enthusiast]

69. I understand, you hate to do things

like that but sometimes you have to. It like a plague of stupid out there and the dumber they are the louder they mouth off.

[ksimons]

70. hahahaha love it!!!

and then some!

[AlabamaBrightBlueDot]

71. :::chuckles:::

You are cordially invited to my next family gathering....

[GinaMaria]

72. I seriously don"t know how some of you can stomach

a meal with nasty relatives like these. You are far stronger than I am. I cannot conceive a method or approach that would help me tolerate the right wing fools I am related to. I walked away years ago. I work way too hard for my time off, especially holidays (of which I only get 10 a year). I made up my mind a long time ago, that no one is allowed to ruin my holiday. Sometimes it's just been me and a friend or two or me and my husband. I will not tolerate abusive behavior from my own family and I sure as hell won't stand for it from in-laws.

I feel sick around these people and cannot eat. As a child none of us has any say about family relationships. As an adult, I feel, all relationships are up for re-negotiation. Just because I've had the misfortune of sharing some DNA with people doesn't mean I'm stuck with them forever. Adult relationships are about choice and most of the people I am related to I wouldn't choose to have as a friend. Therefore, they don't make the cut. I'm sure they are much more comfortable without me there and I am much happier to have my holidays on my terms.

You have my support and absolute awe for sitting at the same table with people like this. I cannot fathom what it takes to do this. Although I'm guessing the alcohol helps.

[LuckyLib]

73. Well said. Luckily, my whole family is raving liberals. I cannot conceive of having to subject

myself to some of these crazy scenarios. No "family" get together is so important that I'd ever put up with that racist BS. Life is way too short.

[GinaMaria]

78. a family of liberals sounds like a dream

Some kids grew up dreaming of joining the Brady Bunch, but I grew up dreaming of joining a liberal family. I'm a little jealous but also very happy for you.

[LuckyLib]

85. Well, my folks had to get there slowly -- Nixon did it for them. But we had our fights during

the Vietnam War. Yelling matches at the dinner table (I wanted to go to Berkeley and my Dad said "No way!") over politics and social issues. But years of staying informed and reading brought them politically around to liberalism. Socially, they always were. As kids we were never allowed to malign any ethnic group or disparage the elderly, infirm, disabled, or overweight. I think some of this was good ole-fashioned Catholic social justice at work. That and living in California as the society and culture became more diverse. Other than that, they were/are just good people.

[Bette Noir]

74. My.

That was some whupping you gave her.

Ihope it did some good.

[Flash Bazbo]

75. I told my brother we are now muslim socialists and just get used to it. :-D

[GinaMaria]

79. OMG! Please send him an invitation to join your family for

Ramadan!!!!

[rocktivity]

76. That's why Stephanie, Mike, Rachel and Randi are my favorites

Aggressive progressivism WORKS.

:headbang:
rocknation

[liberal N proud]

77. I think many of us have lost it at family dinners and told it like it is

I know I did a couple of years back, my bother came across the table at me. Have not spoke to him since.

He thinks he is so fantastic with his hot air balloon while his daughter can't pay for tuition in school.

Oh the righteous ones, it feels good to take them down once and a while.

[Warren DeMontague]

80. Game, Set, Match.

Well done.

[Robeson]

82. To remain silent with her - or anyones - type of behavior, is condoning it....

...you did the right thing. By-the-way, pass the Patron...:9

[MountainLaurel]

137. Absolutely n/t

[Mad_Dem_X]

83. Good for you!

We all need to demand an end to this type of language and attitude.

[No Passaran]

84. Great story

Error: you can only recommend threads which were started in the past 24 hours


Reminds me of my family gathering

[geckosfeet]

86. Cheers. I am having a bit in your honor.

[tigereye]

87. well, it makes sense to call people to account for their unkindness and

bigotry.


Maybe we sometimes owe it to family to help them find their best, kindest and truest selves. So much bigotry is learned, and often isn't tempered by insight and compassion.



OTOH all my relatives are pretty liberal Dems, so it's easy for me to say. :D

[Teaser]

88. You are now my god.

Would you like a burnt offering?

[The Wizard]

89. Patron,

the all purpose equalizer. A few more shots and you would have neither been as eloquent nor polite.
After about 7 shots no holds are barred. Did you ask if she liked dark or white meat?

[PatrynXX]

90. mary sounds like my dad

sending me email with the most vulgar language talking about Obama and still goes to church. his favourite word is Spade . Obama's a spade. Which maybe it's an outdated racist term, but still quite racist. And one way to get him mad is tell him he really needs to go to church more often (he goes every week. ) I don't. Not sense some proclaim as dad does. Democrats are going to hell. OH I love living with that fearmonger. Gotta get some money and move.

[NJCher]

123. moving

Gotta get some money and move.

Yeah, do it! And when you move, find the bluest of the blue places to move to because it makes a world of difference in everyday life. Like what a pleasure it was to drive to work through a sea of Obama signs during the election. It's just kinda' nice being around people who aren't so ignorant they need help with everyday tasks.

Then, if you do move, they will get together with their righty friends and lament you like you had joined the Moonies or something. Hahah, sort of like what we do with them on this thread.



Cher

[Roon]

91. Half of my family are Conservative and the other half are Liberals

The conservatives in my family won't talk politics with me anymore. I try to start a debate,but they are sick of defending their party and bush. The liberals in my family are a lot of fun to talk to,and we will sit at the table and talk politics throughout the whole meal. The republicans have run out of things to say. They can't justify Bush's 8 years anymore. Hell, they don't even bash Bill Clinton anymore. It's not fun being a conservative and it won't be fun for a long time, if ever. It sure has been a blast to be a Liberal since the election!

[Beacool]

94. Why try to start a debate at all with the conservatives in your family?

There are far more important things to talk about. Why not just enjoy their company? Life's too short to spend it arguing with people.

:shrug:

[Roon]

97. My family is very politically aware

When Bush won the election all I heard was what a wonderful man and fine president he is. Back then they would debate politics with me all the time. They have since ceased and it's very glaring! I couldn't help myself yesterday LOL

[Beacool]

129. I know, but in these tough times family and friends is all we got.

My family and friends span the political spectrum and I love them all the way they are. If we all thought alike it would make for a very boring world.

;)

[pengillian101]

93. It sounds like you enjoyed it.

At this point, shes sitting pretty low in her chair. Its like shes trying to hide behind her turkey and cranberry sauce. I look around at the others with a smile. Half of them had expressions of shock and horror, the other half were holding back laughter. Mary didn't show her face much for the rest of the evening and left fairly early. I hate to make a meal awkward, but I'm not going to sit a listen to that shit.

[bertman]

95. Too late to rec, but here's a kick. Same same at my brother's home with our whole family

present. Had a great time until the new nephew-in-law (?) started cracking on Obama. My racist brother from Jawja chimed in and started to escalate the rhetoric.

All my brothers and my sister are Republicans. We've had some nasty encounters over the reich-wing tendencies of my family and especially the Jawja racist, who fortunately is often not at our family functions.

My youngest brother, the host for the Thanksgiving feast, surprised me by getting up and walking out of the room when the bullshit started. His oldest daughter followed him.

Then I told the new NIL that I didn't appreciate him ruining an enjoyable conversation by bringing up politics and trying to start some racist shit. Then I left the room. I heard a few nasty comments by the two assholes, but when I came back a few minutes later the tone had changed and everyone was being civil again.

I'm the only liberal in the family and if I had gotten going it could easily have gotten out of control because I have a very quick temper. I didn't think it would be fair to ruin a nice family gathering just for the satisfaction of "going off" on the racists, so I chose a more low-key approach. I think the others, including the other Republicans, were glad it didn't escalate into a nasty family fight. We all left on good terms. Hopefully this will lead to a more respectful gathering at Christmas.

[kleec]

96. As I knew

that my daughter's in-laws and others attending dinner were strong supporters of McCain, I prepared myself accordingly. I didn't have a secret stash but I did wear my t-shirt which probably stopped them from making comments. My t-shirt states - Old Ladies Speak Their Mind. Deal With It! - In the past I've sort of let lots of things slide but that is in the past. Needless to say we had an enjoyable dinner and a bit of civilized discussion. Although they had Fox News on for a bit, my delightful grandson wanted to watch the Animal Planet instead, and since he returned from Iraq this summer no one argued the issue! He took me aside and said "you know Gram, George Bush is an asshole". Oh yes, he and I agree wholeheartedly. I give thanks that he returned safely and sane.

[ClayZ]

98. Good to hear that I am not the only one,

telling idiots that they are idiots. My brother-in-law may delete us from his mailing list again.

( I can only hope ) His "Proud to be White" letter put us over the edge. It was some forwarded piece of JUNK.


However, the smoking emails that we wrote back to him make me believe he is a GLUTTON for punishment!

He sure as hell has NOTHING to be proud of. Absolutely NOTHING! See, I am getting mad just thinking about it.


Nam Myoho Renge Kyo
Nam Myoho Renge Kyo
Nam Myoho Renge Kyo

There, my blood pressure is down...

:crazy:

At this point I hope I never run into him face to face again.


He has some apologizing to do!


K and R

[knixphan]

100. There's such a big-ass smile on my face...

Well-done. Well-done.

[davidthegnome]

102. Brings back memories

Back when I was 16-18, I used that word all of the time. I was a real creep and there's really no legitimate excuse for it. My girlfriend at the time got really mad at me one day when I was rambling about black rappers in general - you can probably imagine some of the things I said. I was basically, if not a stupid fundy, still extraordinarily stupid.

It's funny how she enlightened me. She told me I should go join those aholes in the KKK, and I was just stunned. Perhaps I didn't think I was being quite the jerk I really was, perhaps I thought my feelings at the time were justified or rationalized. Then I got angry..., and my Father, overhearing our argument, basically came in and gave me the verbal smackdown which I so richly deserved.

I'm lucky to have a dad like him, no telling how I would have turned out if he hadn't corrected a lot of the idiotic ideas I had when I was younger.

You did well, I doubt the idiot will ever thank you for telling her off as she deserved, but she did deserve it, as did I at the time. I try to argue with people that talk like that today, but it's usually a futile effort. I don't know what made me different.

[LatteLibertine]

103. Good job

Too many people quietly tolerate racist BS because it "might start trouble", or make a situation "uncomfortable".

In these cases I feel silence is support. People that know this shit is wrong have got to stop tolerating it.

[Lost River Ledger]

104. Not that it would not feel sweet.........and I understand your anger......

but was humiliating someone, who by your own admission, was ignorant really that noble. Seems to me that a sidebar conversation may have been more appropriate, caused less pain and actually got her to think twice the next time. I'm thinking you caused more harm than good. Granted you can lead a horse to water and the horse can refuse to drink, but if you salt the oats, your chances are greater that he will.

No minds were changed here, no hearts softened, but all know exactly where they stand....which was not in question in the first place. I applaud your motivation in taking a stand, I just question the method and the end result.

[snake in the grass]

113. Not everything that is necessary...

...must also be noble. Humiliation does work wonders at times. Sure, she probably will continue to think her racist shit, but she may be cautious about where and to whom she says it in the future. There was no harm done in giving her the slap-down she deserved. I never hesitate when someone in my family talks like that (it seems we all have some freepers in the family tree somewhere). As a result, most of them keep their mouths shut.

[pengillian101]

126. There was no harm done in giving her the slap-down she deserved.

"No harm in giving a mentally disabled person a slap-down" in front of a family get-together?

Wow, the OP really showed Mary, huh?

Disgusting. He didn't show anyone in his family anything except the kind of person HE is. BERATE a mentally challenged person so much, she left in humilation and shame.

Wow, what a guy.

[snake in the grass]

131. Whether she is mentally challenged or not...

...is anecdotal. Is the OP qualified to give that diagnosis or is it just talk? In any case the poor, poor Mary sure enough understood that what she had said was wrong. She made the connection and recognized the hypocrisy of her actions. Actually I felt the OP was still pretty nice about it. Maybe Mary will do some praying on Sunday.

[Mass]

136. The problem is your assumption that she is mentally challenged because

she has a logic that is different from you.

She is totally wrong, but either you are a selfish bastard to an handicapped person, or, and my guess is to the other one, you are prejudiced against people who are mentally challenged that you associate them with somebody bad. In either case, not a good image of you.

[Lost River Ledger]

128. I think you proved my point.

"she probably will continue to think her racist shit, but she may be cautious about where and to whom she says it in the future."

The fact that we may no longer hear it, does not make the racism go away, nor will it keep someone from acting on it. She has been "trained" to avoid the one who humiliated her, nothing more. She likely thinks he is the exception rather than the rule. I fear he lost the chance to "teach" her anything.

Any reason for him to continue to go to theses gatherings and seeing these people if his goal is to "not hear" their comments that he knew were coming?

[snake in the grass]

130. I could live with that.

We will never be able to rid ourselves of it entirely and some people are simply resistant to learning or logic.

I can't speak for him but I would continue to go to these gatherings for the opportunity to give these knuckleheads the slapdown they deserve. For too long we have let them get away with it. No more. Their world should continue to get smaller and smaller. Furthermore, it is a question of boundaries. If someone were to say he doesn't agree with Obama's approach to such-and-such then that would be a welcome opportunity to discuss policy. When someone says "nigger" they have disqualified themselves from any intelligent discussion. Perhaps you are more tolerant than I but if someone in my family says that at the table (or anywhere else) I'm going for blood.

[Lost River Ledger]

132. Why do you feel the need to do something TO them rather than FOR them?

In the words of the Buddha:

The thought manifests as the word. The word manifests as the deed. The deed develops into habit. And the habit hardens into character. So watch the thought and its ways with care. And let it spring from love, born out of concern for ALL beings.


Words have the power to both destroy and heal. When words are both true and kind, they can change our world.

[snake in the grass]

135. I do it because I am a pessimist.

I do not believe that everyone can be changed through love, patience, and understanding. While I see the wisdom in your quote (and I do) I cannot live up to that mark when confronted with such ignorant malevolence. I caught about 45 minutes of a History Channel report on the KKK while at work last night and it confirmed my feelings. There is simply no room in a civilized society for what I saw. If they cannot be educated or somehow made to feel empathy then they should at least recognize that there are boundaries which may never be crossed and if they choose to do so anyway they should be made to feel shame. The suffering they cause is my concern. Their 'suffering' is secondary.

[Gman]

105. Kneecapped!! I love it

and you didn't make the dinner awkward, Mary did.

[sunnybrook]

106. For all of us who have had to deal with "family values" like hers

:yourock: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause:

[Iwillnevergiveup]

109. Thanksgiving dinner this year

was one to replicate in the future. I had my best friends over - 2 gay guys - and we definitely had a great time. We're very good friends all the rest of the year, so getting together for Thanksgiving was highly anticipated and a true celebration of our friendship. Our family members are spread from CA far and wide. The 3 of us have 7 brothers among us, and agreed we're not close to any of them. Seems it has a little something to do with politics, but moreso in terms of how we've been treated by them. We agreed spending holidays with family can be obligatory and stressful, and that we want no part of it.

Folks posting here who felt you over-reached, perhaps taking advantage of Mary's diminished mental capacity have to admit one thing - you got through to her apparently. If anyone in my immediate or extended family used the "N" word, I'd call 'em out, too.

[Locrian]

110. 3 cheers!

Sounds like you did it real smooooth too! I envy you, I always get so worked up holding my tongue that by the time I blow is comes out all sputtering... You did it the perfect way: smooth intro hook, snag... then reeeeeeel them in for the kill!!


:)

[codjh9]

111. I have yet to do that with the Right (i.e., Wrong) members of my family, but I should.

I think only direct confrontation, using strong cuss words, has any chance of reaching their feeble brains, but even then, we ain't gonna change 'em.

[Retribution45]

112. I can relate...

Never in person have I confronted my grandfather about his misleading and slanderous remarks about Obama, but in many email messages (once to his entire conservative e-list) I have.

[jeanmarc]

114. Cartoon world posts have to end

I'm going to start a blog based on these 'I'm a hero' posts because I spoke up at dinner.

Seriously, this is garbage. It's not a real conversation.

Racism is good material, but you're watering it down with less than real fiction about the responses.

[spiritual_gunfighter]

117. Your post makes no sense n/t

[pengillian101]

125. Thanks for some sense!

:hi:

[blackbart99]

116. BEAUTIFUL....WELL DONE SIR! CHINACO ANEJO OLE'

[RoccoR5955]

119. Let 'em have it!

They deserve it!
You were very polite. I would have just let her have it. If it was my house, she would have been thrown out on her ass, in the snow, at 40 below! I don't take that kind of crap from ANYONE. People at work know that, and they hold back a lot around me. Especially with my first family picture hanging in my cubicle! I know that they hate it, but now they are going to learn!

[RBInMaine]

120. GOOD ! That's how to smack down a rotten HYPOCRITE RePUKElican ! Keep it up !!

[Skittles]

121. I refuse to be around people who use words like n*****

after I trash their ass I leave, and I decline to come back

[kenny blankenship]

133. Great Xmas Gift idea for your relatives:

Yes, We Did!
http://www.victoryplate.com/?directLoad&uid=A0AE7422385CB3CD6085EB68A2627553

[qwlauren35]

134. If's that's snapping, feel free to do it more often.

Heck, send out a flyer on how to handle it. That was f&ckin' A PERFECT!