The Story So Far ... - Democratic Underground

NanceGreggs

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Wed Aug-05-09 01:00 AM
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The Story So Far ...

Edited on Wed Aug-05-09 01:16 AM by NanceGreggs

President Obama is a socialist-communist Muslin who has spent over a brazillion dollars trying to cover up the fact that he was born in The Republic of Kenya, before it was a republic, just to add insult to injury.

Michelle Obama shows off her upper arms in public without so much as a by-your-leave on a regular basis, and those two daughters of theirs are charming and well-behaved in public – apparently as a means of hiding something sinister beneath a peace-sign T-shirt – and what self-respecting child of any American wants peace in the first place!?!

Lou Dobbs is still being described as a “journalist”, Glenn Beck performs The Crying Game on a regular basis, and Bill O’Reilly thinks that Canada’s life-expectancy statistics surpass those of the US because Canada has less people – duh!

Senator UpChuck Grassley (Iowa-R-WTF?) is regaling the Senate – the god-damned SENATE! – with picture-board illustrations of dragons to prove how the Democrats’ plans for the economy are whacked-out.

Some furriner named Orly Taitz is arguing that the real birth certificate of the president is actually a fake birth certificate, and the fake birth certificate is only a fake because the real birth certificate it was copied from is a fake that was available on the intertubes and the – okay, I admit it. I don’t know what the fuck this long-lost Gabor sister is selling, but I ain’t buying. Unless it’s mascara, because she seems to have an in when it comes to getting the stuff cheap.

The Teabaggers are still out-in-force – well, to hear them tell it. All three dozen of them. A force to be reckoned with – and as soon as they figure out what it is they’re protesting against – or for – or with – or not – we will all rue the day they decided to step up to the plate and say whatever it is they’re saying. Mark my words – or theirs – or whoever it is they’re getting their directions from – which I suspect is a little-known planet named Neuroses II, whose inhabitants are famous for infiltrating the minds of Earthlings via anal probes that infuse an unsuspecting asshole with UFN (Utter Fucking Nonsense) that travels directly to the empty cerebral cavity of the hopelessly brainless.

I know I’m not running things – something we should all be glad of.

But if I were, I would curb the current insanity thusly:

President Obama publicly agrees to take all steps possible to prove the authenticity of his citizenship as soon as one George W. Bush proves that he fulfilled his military service (oh, and just for the record, photo-ops of serving plastic Thanksgiving turkey in Iraq does not count.)

Michelle Obama does a one-hour TV interview discussing her daughter’s peace-sign T-shirt, followed by Laura Bush’s one-hour TV interview defending her daughters’ underage drinking. Oh, and Michelle shows off those FABULOUS arms the whole time!

(Personally, I would add a few minutes for each FLOTUS, past and present, to field questions about their personal need for “medication” during their respective time in the position – but as much as I want to, I won’t go there.)

Glenn Beck, along with all of his FAUX-News cohorts, will heretofore have a large red circle around the word facts, with a BIG red slash through it, displayed on-screen every time they spew their garbage – only removable when they actually cite a fact, something that is highly unlikely in my lifetime, or my children’s lifetime, or my grandchildren’s lifetime, or ….

UpChuck Grassley (and those like him) will be drummed out of office on the basis of (a) wasting the Senate’s time with Dungeons ‘n’ Dragons cartoons, and (b) being too fuckin’ stoopid to carry out their job responsibilities (which, last time I checked, included SANITY as a requisite). And appealing to the Abjectly STOOPID is no reason to keep these idiots in office, so save your legal funds, Mr. Grassley – no appeal will be considered on those grounds.

Lou Dobbs, the “journalist” (pause here for outburst of uncontrollable laughter) would be sentenced to picking fruit with all of those illegal immigrants he’s so sure are sucking the life out of the country – no trial, no plea-bargaining, just summarily sentenced ‘cause I said so. Maybe he can find some “fellow journalists” out there while he’s at it. And he's more likely to find them out there than at CNN. And none of them, I assure you, will be named "Wolf" or "Candy".

As for Orly Taitz – well, I’m kinda torn between a reality show called “America’s Next Foreign-Born Nutbar Insistent That a Duly-Elected American President Isn’t Really American” and officially recognizing her as Anastasia, long-lost daughter of the last Tsar of Russia. You pick – I can’t decide. I’m willing to put it to a vote. I think she’ll be happy either way.

Health Care Reform – well, that’s an easy one to tackle. I’d suspend the healthcare coverage of every senator and congressman, and announce that they’ll be covered by the same plan they agree upon for every American man, woman and child. I’m thinking they’d be approaching the topic with a fresh outlook – one sure to be beneficial to all concerned – except those poor insurance company people, God bless ‘em each and every one, just as they deserve. (I don’t know about the rest of you, but I believe that people who make money off the medical misfortunes of others have a place in civilized society – not saying where that place is, but I think you can use your imagination.)

That leaves us with the Teabaggers (sigh). I’d suggest some educational films (or perhaps a few dragon graphics from Senator Grassley’s collection, just to keep it simple and all) explaining how (a) you really do NEED to understand what it IS you’re protesting before you protest it, and (b) STOOPIDITY is no excuse for not understanding (a).

Well, that’s my two cents. For what it’s worth. And whatever it’s value, it’s worth a lot more than what’s being presented as “news” on so-called news networks, and it makes a lot more sense than the average idiots who seem to have unlimited access to our broadcast airwaves – and while I find the FUCKIN’ INSANITY I’m seeing and hearing of late mildly amusing, I’d really rather have intelligent adults runnin’ things – optimistically assuming there are any still out there.

And, ever the optimist, I think there are.