Republicans prepare counter message to school children

[grantcart]

Truth or Consequences, New Mexico
AP

Dewey Cheetham

"What you believe is more important than what they know"

Sources close to Michael Steele Chairman of the Republican National Committee have advised that the Republican think tanks are finishing off an alternative message that will be sent to schools to be played after the President's address. "We intend to give kids the full and unvarnished truth. We are the party of realistic expectations. We will keep them ground in reality and help them build a real foundation to the future. And we may add some hip hop too."

Key to the Republican message will be trying to counter the President's eastern elitist message, according to sources putting the final touches of the message. "Do you really need algebra? Is calculus going to help you figure out if you have enough money to fill up your car? Find your own level and be an individual, don't let the government tell you what should be in your head. College is good for some but is it really right for you? You don't need a high school diploma to work at the multiplex and there you get to see all the movies for free."

After a particularly stirring section that shows that the founding fathers didn't go to state supported community colleges or universities the speech encourages students to find full expression of their individual talents in the Armed Forces where they actually be paid, don't need a high school diploma, will fulfill the dreams of the founding fathers and can get a private bungalow on the beaches of Hawaii for their entire service" - if that's what they want.

The speech which is subtitled "Don't do Socialized Homework - Be an Individual" goes on to explain that skate boarding is as valuable as ballet and that memorizing rap songs is the same as learning Shakespeare. One of the most remarkable lines is "The Pythagorean theorem is great IF YOUR A SLAVE BUILDING PYRAMIDS".

There is some controversy within Republican ranks about the speech, however. Sources reveal that there is intense fight among the leaders about who should give the speech - each leader putting forth a compelling reason why they should be the spokesperson carrying the Republican message that sacrificing personal time for advancing in school and the pursuit of knowledge is 'overvalued' in the media and doesn't reflect real market value. Pawlenty, Steele, Jindal, Romney and Hucklebee have all put forth impressive 'anti-intellectual' credentials but our latest information is that Palin's record of quitting 3 colleges before finishing at the University of Idaho and her abrupt resignation of her Governorship is going to be hard to beat.

[DJ13]

1. Is this the guy that will be giving the GOP response?

[Betsy Ross]

2. This is a satire, right?

Link?

[grantcart]

4. Dewey's work speaks for itself

as requested here are links to other Cheetham exclusives:

http://journals.democraticunderground.com/grantcart/200
http://journals.democraticunderground.com/grantcart/187
http://journals.democraticunderground.com/grantcart/186
http://journals.democraticunderground.com/grantcart/185
http://journals.democraticunderground.com/grantcart/176

[brewens]

3. Get Outta Here!!! LOL n/t

[RichGirl]

5. If they all listen to President Obama's speech....

and think they can top it, then go for it!!

They can just use Jindall's SOTU reponse...he sounded like he was talking to grade school kids anyway......

What is Palin going to say...that those living in northern border states might be able to see Canada???

[cloudbase]

6. Turn on.

Tune in.
Drop out.
Join us.






A public service of the Republican Party.

[Avalux]

7. This isn't real (although there is probably some truth to it).

Republicans have been trying for years to tear down the middle class; the last thing they want is a black, Democratic president telling public school children to stay in school and work hard.

They really would prefer everyone be dumb and uneducated; much easier to manipulate.

[grantcart]

17. on a metaphysical plane it is hyper real

[opihimoimoi]

8. In Step with TO FOOL....IS TO RULE

[salin]

9. That's about right...

The party of personal irresponsibility! Now get off my lawn and go play in the busy intersection! (where is that grouchy mccain image when you need it?)

[bleever]

10. I consider Mr. Cheetham's reporting to be most reliable.

I wonder if he might not have understated things a bit, out of an abundance of caution.

[grantcart]

12. Caution is his middle name

[depakid]

11. If I didn't know America so well, I'd think this came from The Onion

[Cha]

13. Dewey Cheetham says..

"What you can lie about gets you further than any of that school learnin'"..just axe bush.

[grantcart]

14. It also means that Dewey can file a story from home without actually going and talking to people

But that's just Dewey's way of cutting down pollution and saving the planet.


He does it for the children.

[Cha]

16. Yes, Cheetham is a lazy greedy reporter

who only answers to his corporatemaster..not his conscience.

[cliffordu]

15. Yep - they're going to have to run one of those extras from 'Deliverance'

to do a better job of complete anti-intellectualizing 'Murka.

K&R -

Nice job, Dewy....

Still ghostwriting for gc???

[David Zephyr]

18. Children will have nightmares after listening to the GOP.

And they'll see Jesus riding dinosaurs.

[Honeycombe8]

19. I hope this is a joke! nt

[grantcart]

20. If you go up thread you can see other Cheetham scoops - this guy gets the story.

[Stephanie]

21. Big Dick Cheney flunked out of Yale twice

Obviously higher education is over-rated.

[grantcart]

22. I didn't know that

[conflctingreports]

23. VIDEO of President REAGAN INDOCTRINATING Students

VIDEO of President REAGAN INDOCTRINATING Students in Conservative Values, Supply-Side Economics and Christianity
CONFLICTING REPORTS

[grantcart]

24. thks welcome to DU

[RememberWellstone]

25. Misdirection

They are going in so many different directions, it's hard to follow what they will do next. They are too busy removing fingerprints from the scene of the crimes.

We're in for a long week of shit slinging.

[grantcart]

26. Well that's all true but this was pure satire

[uponit7771]

27. Don't blame yourself if you think this is real...it just might be to a certain extent

[grantcart]

28. I can't tell anymore - he just sends it to me and I post it.

[cliffordu]

29. Has he been drinking again??

Have you??

[grantcart]

30. No he doesn't drink anymore - it was a big step and we are all very proud of him

Now he just puts it in a dish and laps it up like a dog.

[cliffordu]

31. Ah, a tried and true method fully explored by my tribe over the years