I can't get a vault copy of my birth certificate!

[Lyric]

I went down to the county clerk to get a copy of my birth certificate today. The nice lady behind the counter asked me if I needed a "certified" copy (with the seal imprinted) or a photocopy (no seal imprint.) I told her neither! I needed a VAULT COPY, because I was going to the DMV and I needed to prove my citizenship beyond the shadow of a doubt.

She eyed me askance and said,
"I don't know what you're talking about. There's the certified one or the photocopied one, but that's it."

I was horrified!
"But...but...how can I prove that I'm a citizen without the VAULT COPY?"

"The DMV just needs the certified one, hon. That's enough to prove it."

Can you imagine that? I had to enlighten her.
"AHAH! Ma'am, I'm sorry to say, but that's a SOCIALIST LIE. Glenn Beck, Lou Dobbs, and Rush Limbaugh have ALL personally assured me that a certified copy is NOT conclusive proof of citizenship. I MUST have the VAULT COPY. It's the only way that the DMV can really, REALLY be sure!"

We argued back and forth for a few minutes, and I tried to hold my own, but that old lady was dynamite! Our discussion finally wound up looking something like this:



So home I went with my pathetic "certified" copy, since that's apparently all they have. Should I just go ahead and turn myself in to Immigration, or should I wait and make them come get me?

:hide:

[janx]

1. OMG

:rofl: Where did you find that pic?! :rofl:

The "vault copy" term has always amused me. It must have been coined by someone who watched too many James Bond movies. ;-)

[Mz Pip]

7. Or Geraldo Rivera.

There is no 'vault copy' because there is no vault. County records isn't Fort Knox.

[msanthrope]

20. I remember watching that---and when Capone's vault was empty

the look on Geraldo's face....

[KatyaR]

2. I think you should start running now.

You know they'll be coming after you soon--the DMV is notorious for ratting out illegals . . . .

:rofl:

[Lyric]

4. I suspected as much.

I'm screwn, aren't I?

:cry:

[KatyaR]

10. Think so--

pack light, you don't need to be held back because you took too much stuff . . . .

[Greyskye]

3. +1

:thumbsup:

[lunatica]

5. You're obviously Kenyan.

Anyone unvaulted is a commie, nazi, afro-socialist Kenyan no matter what color you're pretending to be.

[Sky Masterson]

6. Nice thread Lyric Bin Laden

:P
I thought you sort of looked like a muslin terrarist!

[Lyric]

8. But, but...

I just used the Muslin to cover the couch pillows! It's even TEA-STAINED muslin! Doesn't that count for anything??

:cry:

[Sky Masterson]

13. Don't make me get Orly Taitz on you

where is the document!!!!!! :mad: ;)
Oh and HA! :rofl:

[Phx_Dem]

12. ROLF.

[Peacetrain]

9. That is so funny

[Phx_Dem]

11. You're an ALIEEEEN!

:7

[Catshrink]

14. Call Orly Taitz

She can hook you up with a skilled forger.

[Merlot]

15. The vault copy!

That's a good one! Un-enquiring minds probably picture some big vault with everyones TRUE birth certificate packed away.

Makes them feel all smart to figure that one out, too.

[janx]

16. THE VAULT

Certification of Live Birth vs. Birth Certificate--there's a difference!

The documents you speak of are catalogued (do you like that spelling? :rofl:) ...they are catalogued via the Dewey Decimal System.

[janx]

17. kick

:rofl:

[appleannie1]

18. Nah, You just need a certificate of dead birth vs. one of live birth. Then you will be ok.

[KingFlorez]

19. She lies!

She's just another paid Obama operative trying to bring down the country.

[janx]

21. That's why she has that job.

It's NO coincidence!

[polichick]

22. Well, obviously you're not a citizen. My vault copy is framed and hanging on my wall...

So that everybody who enters my house knows I'm legit.

ALL U.S. citizens are supposed to frame and hang their vault copy ~ and also tattoo their social security numbers on their necks.

[verges]

28. oops...

I thought it was supposed to be on the ass.

[treestar]

23. Aha, so where is it that you were REALLY born?

Tell us, you alien communist! Was it Kenya? Cameroon? Romania? Bulgaria? We need to know where to deport you to!

[rebel with a cause]

24. that picture hurts me, poor puppy!

Now on to the birth certificate thing. I have my original birth certificate from over sixty years ago and I have several certified certificates that I obtained about fifteen years ago to use for legal purposes. (The original was getting fragile and I didn't want to take any chances with it and I got several copies because I didn't want to take a chance on only having one and it not getting returned when I had to send it through the mail.)

Now I think I should file a complaint with the government. My certified BC look nothing like the original. What if my fragile original should fall apart? How could I prove that the certified ones are real if they are not the same as the original?

My children were born in NYC and they originals are worse than mine (they are falling apart) and they are not that old. Again their certified BC look nothing like the original. Everyone should sue the governments for charging us for these useless papers that prove nothing! Americans unite and demand certified copies of the original. :sarcasm:

We could financially break all the county offices in a very short time. Imagine trying to find all those originals... JMHO on the stupid side.

[jenmito]

25. I hope the certified copy was of your LONG form birth certifiicate!

:rofl:

[janx]

27. YES...we can hope for the LONG form--you know,

the one with the footprints! :think:

[cherish44]

26. You neglected to mention your race

I'm sure if you're white, they'll have no problem with a certified copy instead of a vault copy.