The * resume'

[freeplessinseattle]

This individual seeks an executive position. He will be
available next January, and is willing to relocate.



GEORGE W. BUSH

1600 Pennsylvania Avenue

Washington, DC 20520



EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:

Law Enforcement:
I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for driving
under the influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine,
and had my driver's license suspended for 30 days. My Texas
driving record has been "lost" and is not available.


Military:
I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I
refused to take a drug test or answer any questions about
my drug use. By joining the Texas Air National Gu! ard, I
was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam.

College:
I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. I
was a cheerleader.

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:
I ran for U.S. Congress and lost. I began my career in the
oil business in Midland, Texas, in 1975. I bought an oil
company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas. The company
went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock. I bought
the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that
took land using taxpayer money. With the help of my father
and our friends in the oil industry (including Enron CEO
Ken Lay), I was elected governor of Texas.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS:
- I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil
companies, making Texas the most polluted state in the
Union. During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as
the most smog-rid! den city in America.

- I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune
of billions in borrowed money.

- I set the record for the most executions by any governor
in American history.

- With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida, and
my father's appointments to the Supreme Court, I became
President after losing by over 500,000 votes.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:
- I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office
with a criminal record.

- I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost
of over one billion dollars per week.

- I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the
U.S. Treasury.

- I shatt! ered the record for the largest annual deficit
in U.S. history.

- I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies
filed in any 12-month period.

- I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a
12-month period.

- I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the
history of the U.S. stock market. In my first year in
office, over 2 million Americans lost their jobs and that
trend continues every month.

- I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest
of any administration in U.S. history. My "poorest
millionaire," Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker
named after her.

- I set the reco! rd for most campaign fund-raising trips
by a U.S. President.

- I am the all-time U.S! . and world record-holder for
receiving the most corporate campaign donations.

- My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my
best friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest
corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. History: Enron.

- My political party used Enron private jets and corporate
attorneys to ensure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court
during my election decision.

- I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton
against investigation or prosecution. More time and money
was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has
been spent investigating one of the biggest corporate
rip-offs in history. I presided over the biggest energy
crisis in U.S. history and refused to intervene when
corruption involving the oil industry was revealed.

- I presided over the ! highest gasoline prices in U.S.
history.

- I cut over-time pay.

- I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to
be awarded government contracts.

- I appointed more convicted criminals to administration
than any President in U.S. history.

- I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest
bureaucracy in the history of the United States government.

- I've broken more international treaties than any
President in U.S. history.

- I am the first President in U.S. history to have the
United Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights
Commission.

- I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.

- I refused to allow inspector's access to U.S. "prisoners
of war" detainees, and have refused to abide by the Geneva
Convention.

- I am the first President in history to refuse United
Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S.
elections).

- I set the record for fewest numbers of press conferences
of any President since the advent of television.

- I ! set the all-time record for most days on vacation in
any one-year period. After taking off the entire month of
August 2001, I presided over the worst security failure in
U.S. history.

- I garnered the most sympathy ever for the U.S. after the
World Trade Center attacks and less than a year later made
the U.S. the most hated country in the world---the largest
failure of diploma! cy in world history.

- I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide
to simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million
people), shattering the record for protests against any
person in the history of mankind.

- I am the first President in U.S. history to order an
unprovoked, preemptive attack and the military occupation
of a sovereign nation. I did so against the will of the
United Nations, the majority of U.S. citizens, and the
world community.

- I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and
support a cut in duty benefits for active duty troops and
their! families in wartime.

- In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our
reasons for attacking Iraq and then blamed the lies on our
British friends.

- I am the ! first President in history to have a majority
of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat
to world peace and security.

- I am supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical Bunker
Buster," a WMD.

- I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama
Bin Laden to justice.

RECORDS AND REFERENCES:
All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my
father's library, sealed and unavailable for public view.

- All records of SEC investigations into my insider
trading and my bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and
unavailable for public view.

- All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my
Vice-President, attended regarding public energy policy are
sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.

PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN 2004!
__________________




My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
- Orson Welles

[zinsky]

1. Prison jobs open

Sounds like this criminal might have a future making license plates or turning rocks into gravel at Fort Leavenworth!