Help! We're going to die

[muriel_volestrangler]

http://www.guardian.co.uk/comment/story/0,3604,1272371,00.html

In the next few weeks a leaflet on surviving a terrorist attack will be dropping through the letter box of every home in the country, quickly followed by another seven leaflets offering two pizzas for the price of one. Then in millions of homes across the country this vital document will be placed next to the phone for a few days, then tucked on the kitchen shelf with that letter from school, and finally put away in the drawer with the balloon pump and those old batteries that haven't been thrown out because you're not sure if they're dead or not.

The leaflet explains what precautions you can take to increase your chances of surviving a major terrorist attack. "Move to the Hebrides" was crossed out of the first draft. But it does recommend that you have a torch handy, some tinned food and enough bottled water to last you the weeks you may have to spend hiding in the cellar. You might also consider packing A Suitable Boy by Vikram Seth, because you're not going to finish it in any other circumstances.
...
Before the leaflets are finally delivered to every home in the land, a few adjustments have been made to the copy being pushed through the letter box of 10 Downing Street. After the bit about what you can do to reduce being a victim of a terrorist attack, it says: "Don't bomb Arab civilians on the basis of invented evidence. Don't ally yourself with a US government with a disastrous Middle East policy and make sure you've got lots of bottled water under the stairs." "Oh well," says the householder brightly, "one out of three's not bad."

[LibLabUK]

1. Hehe...

You can't beat this parody though:

http://www.preparingforemergencies.co.uk/

General advice about what to do in an emergency

• Run.
  
• Really, really fast.
  
• Follow the advice of the emergency services, unless that advice is something other than "Run".
  
• Try to remain calm and think before acting, and try to reassure others. Or, trample them in a desperate attempt to flee as the building you're in is consumed by a radioactive cloud.
  

[muriel_volestrangler]

2. Thank you!

I heard them talking about it on the radio, but didn't catch the URL. The original is at http://www.preparingforemergencies.gov.uk/ - bet someone in the goverment is now embarrassed they didn't register the '.co' address too ...

[LibLabUK]

3. Funny you should say that...

The Powers That Be were not amused