Because some things are so effin' funny: A DEMOCRAT'S WET DREAM

[Vektor]

Someone asked about fantasies?

Jan. 6th arrives. When it comes time to certify the election, every Democratic Senator EXCEPT FOR ONE, stands up, and contests.

Then, John McCain stands up, and says "This is for questioning my patriotism and making fun of my "black" child, you racist pig-bastard!

A hush falls over the Senate floor as the one seated "Democrat", Zell Miller, stands up, blathering and salivating, and screams "GIT OUTTA MY FACE!" then challenges everyone present to a duel.

The doors swing open, and John Kerry, looking hotter than Georgia asphalt, clad in his military flight suit with the strategically placed crotch straps, strides in, shoves Miller back into his seat, and says, "Sit down you 'Cain from Poltergeist' looking mother fucker."



Then, Kerry does a little crotch grab for emphasis, and says "I've got your spitballs, right here, bitch."

Then he becomes President, and I buy a blue dress and become a White House intern.

(Because anything great starts with a dream.)

The End.

[wyldwolf]

1. Excellent!

[Vektor]

3. Thank you!

Being a depraved wacko with a colorful imagination sure helps in tough times! :-)

[Woo]

81. hehe...

How bout Kerry grabs his crotch and says...

I'm John Kerry beeeatch!!

Then they cut to Chimpwit sitting in the same room he was sitting in on Election night looking at TV -- but this time, no smiles... he just keeps mumbling ..

'Cocaines a helluve a drug --'


I watch way too much TV

[Walt Starr]

2. Point of order

Zell Miller is no longer in the Senate.

[Vektor]

5. You again?!?!?!

You crusher of fantasies. This is MY wet dream!! Out naysayer, OOOOUUUUUUUUTT!

[Walt Starr]

6. Sorry, I have to pick the reality nits!

;)

[Vektor]

12. Grrrr....

So you think there's chance for the rest of it then, eh?
;-)

[Walt Starr]

15. Anything is possible!

I could switch to being a firm believer in election fraud, too!

If Obama turns out to be one of the six, I'm there.

[Vektor]

17. Obama rules...

One of the most promising politicians ever seen. I hope he stands.

[Walt Starr]

22. I've met many politicians

Meeting Obama is like running into an old friend. You have a complete ease around him and it's impossible to feel anything other than an overwhelming trust.

The man exudes charisma unlike any human being ever. He makes Clinton seem downright repellent by comparison!

[Withywindle]

26. Well, then, let's give him a cameo!

"He made fun of your WHAT?" Senator Obama snarls, his charming smile quickly morphing into a(n unsettlingly sexy) look of cold, glittering rage.

He starts to reach for something concealed in one Senatorial black sock, holding a die-now! gaze on Miller, but then thinks better of it and only registers his objection to the certification a little more emphatically.

Anyone saner than Zell Miller would have considered himself warned.

[Vektor]

31. Love it!

Kudos to you for this fine addition!

[Withywindle]

40. Thanks!

I aim to please. :) Kudos to you for lightening the mood in here. :thumbsup:

[Vektor]

43. I love to spread the gift of laughter...

Even if it is at the expense of my own dorkiness.

[tridim]

7. Suh.. I say suh!

Now I challenge YOU to a duel.

[Walt Starr]

11. Pistols or swords?

I am familiar with both forms of weaponry.

;)

[tridim]

64. Either..

at dawn.

[pa28]

28. Maybe he could visit for the day.

:thumbsup:

[Vektor]

33. It's really not a story...

Without a blathering Zell.

[havocmom]

4. Seems like Lounge material

or is it just me?

[Vektor]

It is about JAN 6

it is a story abut CONTESTING THE ELECTION....
And a response to a prior thread about our favorite Jan. 6 fantasy.

[havocmom]

99. Yeah, I got that. But I thought the Lounge was the place to play fantasy

and this forum was the place for serious task work.

Guess not.

[Vektor]

101. It's the place for anything Election '04 related...

No need to worry - there are about 398327203472847807 different, more serious threads to choose from. This was just a Little attempt to spread a little humor in an otherwise stressful day.

Everyone else seemed to enjoy it, and don't fret, taking a short break from the drama to laugh for a second does not cancel out "serious task work" - nor is it a crime to mingle the two. After all, "All serious task work and no play makes Jack a dull Democrat."

[LittleClarkie]

102. "More in need of a blow job than any white man in history"

But what would be the equivalent for a woman.

Hey, I liked it. Esp. the spit balls.

But then I think Kerry is showing more balls, as well as forward thinking wisdom, by being in Iraq right now.

[Vektor]

103. Amen, sister...

AMEN!

[Vektor]

8. Self Delete (posted twice)

weird duplicate thing happened

[Clark2008]

9. Bahahahahaha

Hate to ruin a wet dream, but Give 'em Zell is no longer a seated senator - thank the Lord in Heaven.

[Vektor]

14. I know...

But no one else fit into the story so hysterically....

[Peace Patriot]

95. Cheney could replace Miller.

[Pam-Moby]

10. Great-thanks n/t

[FreepFryer]

13. I will pleasure myself with this fantasy for a while. Mentally, that is.

[Vektor]

16. By all means!

That's what it's here for. To bring funnies to everyone in a time of stress.

[Laura PourMeADrink]

18. Very Funny! Is that really Zell's pic? He looks like Weekend at Bernies

[Vektor]

20. Hahaha

noooo...it's the evil preacher Cain from the "Poltergeist" horror movies.

[The Doctor.]

45. Oh... I thought that was 'Young Zell'... my bad.

[Vektor]

48. It certainly is...

...more appealing than Zell usually looks.

[The Doctor.]

50. I raised a young lich once too...

The black sparkle in their eyes, the machine-like precision of their purposeful stride, the thirst for life... literally.

Ma Miller must have been proud... and well-armed.

[wiggs]

19. I'll add that....

....John McCain casts the deciding vote to disallow Bush's Ohio and Florida electors!

There's more than one republican who would like to skewer these guys, too.

[Patsy Stone]

21. Goooood Fantasy

"looking hotter than Georgia asphalt, clad in his military flight suit with the strategically placed crotch straps, strides in, shoves Miller back into his seat, and says, "Sit down you 'Cain from Poltergeist' looking mother fucker."

Nice! Get KO in there somehow and I'll be a small puddle. (Isn't this the holodeck?)

For JK and KO: :loveya:

Also, how about a Code Blue, just 'cuz!
:hi:

[crispini]

69. LOL, Patsy.

But of COURSE! somehow we must work the divine Mr. KO into all of this.

Returning from his sickbed, the stalwartly ethical journalist, in a dark suit, blue shirt, and blue-and-gold striped tie (the wide stripes), valiantly reported live from the Senate floor as the drama played out. His interview with Coyners was instrumental in getting the word out, and his hitherto unpublicized research into the nuances of contesting elections, as well as the finer points of electronic voting, proved to be the proverbial smoking guns that ultimately proved key in the salvation of our electoral process.

And then, he ran off to a lush tropical island with a small harem of cute liberal intellectual women recruited from the internets. :evilgrin:

[Patsy Stone]

82. LOL! This really must be the Holodeck! Nice. n/t

[Vektor]

88. And Vektor wasn't even remotely envious...

...despite the rakish, jaunty good looks of Olbermann, and the good fortune of the liberal hotties recruited from the internets, or DU specifically...

...because she was residing on an adjacent lush tropical island...with John Kerry, John Edwards, John Stewart, and...so guys not named John would not feel left out...Howard Dean and Wesley Clark...

Now that's a policy I can live with!


...also, Viktor Yushchenko, who after a while of fun in the sun, love from me, and detox therapy, was eventually restored to his former healthy, handsome self.

Doctors say this may take up to 3-4 years, but true love waits.

[henslee]

23. love the pic --- LET ME IN.....

[Vektor]

27. Tee-hee...

He's a creepy one, eh? Zell always reminded me of him.

[pbartch]

24. GREAT STORY. wish I woulda thought it up.

Except..........the ending would be that I helped drive President Kerry to Washington D.C, driving at 95 MPH at times! I'm an expert driver, swerving in and out of traffic. He runs through the halls and bounds through the doors amid the cheering Senators and Representatives all calling for him to be President!

He's so appreciative that I.......I who had only been a "simple" limo chauffeur, he gives me a wonderful reward!! Kerry tells me I will be a VICE PRESIDENT in The Heinz Company and Teresa herself thanks me and offers me a job paying $2.5 million dollars a year!!

Ms. Patricia.......the woman who saved Kerry!

[Vektor]

25. Ooooh..

I like that!

[Jo March]

29. Oh my gosh. That is simply brillant!

The only part I disagree with is the fact that YOU get to be the intern. After seeing that pic of Kerry in the pool, I want to be the intern!!

[Vektor]

34. Can't he have more than one?

I'm sure there's more than enough "man" to go around.
:P

[Jo March]

53. Oh, my! *fans herself* That just made me think some really

really dirty thoughts! :evilgrin:

[Vektor]

58. Well it's about time...

...with all the negativity in here lately - a little ribald fun is good for the soul!

[Jo March]

59. Until the thread gets locked

It's all fun and games until somebody loses an eye!

[Vektor]

62. Nooo!

This thread is so full of love. To lock it would be to STOP THE SPREAD OF LOVE.

We can't have that, now can we?

[Jo March]

98. Is that what we're spreading? ;) nt

[Firespirit]

84. He certainly can!

"You know you're going to fight for election reform?? I've got this prototype, Mr. President, for a provably secure voting apparatus. But I have my price...."

:evilgrin:

------
Adding to the Congress scenario:

A hush falls over the Congress as a dark, menacing figure with a shadow not unlike Jabba the Hutt makes its way up the floor, dragging behind it a whimpering, shaking personage in a ten-gallon hat.

"Look what you did!" foams Rove. "He totally flipped!"

"Oh yeah--while we're on that subject," says Kerry, "HERE'S a flip flop for you, punkass!" And he removes two big ORANGE flip-flops, shoving one into Jabba's mouth. He grabs the sobbing cowboy wannabe and tilts its head back to cram the other down its throat....

[Firespirit]

86. ...when a device falls out...

...of Bush's jacket.

Conyers scoops it up and observes print on it, which he reads aloud to Congress:

DIEBOLD ACCUVOTE REMOTE RE-PROGRAMMER

"What's THIS?" Kerry says.

"This, Mr. Senator, looks like our smoking gun!"

"I bet that Rove has one too!"

But Karl the Hutt had already fled the building.

"No matter," says Conyers. "He'll get his."

[kitkat65]

30. Then the ghost of James Madison appears and grabs Cheney by the collar

screaming "This is for using the Constitution as toilet paper, Bee-YOTCH!" accentuating each syllable with face slaps.

[Vektor]

35. UNF!

I like it. Bitch slaps always add zest to a good story.

[Straight Shooter]

32. So sorry, but I've just got to ask ...

"Who put the spit on Kerry's balls?"

:evilgrin:

[seito]

36. Spew... I need to clean off my monitor now

Thanks for that

[Vektor]

37. Whooooooot!!! I am so glad you asked.

I am the intern, you know.
:evilgrin:

[Straight Shooter]

46. Devil with the blue dress, blue dress, blue dress ...

Love your fantasy, totally rocks!

[Vektor]

52. I love it too...

..thanks...maybe I ought to send it to Kerry?
Bwaaa-haaa-haaaa

[Straight Shooter]

55. And have Teresa come after you with a shiny hatchet?

Nuh-uh, we need you here.

[Vektor]

60. Good point.

*Vektor rethinks sending the story to Kerry and decides against it.*

I LOVE your see-saw smiley...
Where do you guys get all of them from? I know we have the smilies table, but I see a lot of different ones on here.

[angrydemocrat]

63. Don't Know How They Got There

But I will be more than happy to remove them! Oh hell yeah! :evilgrin:

[lonestarnot]

38. Yeeeehaaaaw! Wet dream!

[Vektor]

41. We need a little love at a time like this.

No better time than this trying one, for a little distraction.

[lonestarnot]

56. Today happy day!

:-)

[Vektor]

39. I pray the Freeping Toms will come peeping...

and find this thread. And take it back to their lair, and wallow in HORROR at all it's dirty liberal gloriousness.

[The Doctor.]

42. I think I peed myself!!!

:rotflmao:

(stolen)

Hey Mods, get a rotflmao smiley!

[Vektor]

44. I love it when I make people pee...

Totally intentional. I have stock in Depend Undergarments.

[The Doctor.]

47. Then you want to keep Zell around awhile....

"our stock soars while their &#!^ pours"

[Vektor]

49. There you go...

My image looks fractured now though...

(???)

Can you still see it?

[Vektor]

51. Ok..

I guess it's ok now...I restarted my browser. Looks good.
Whew.
Didn't want to lose my visual!

[livvy]

54. Then suddenly...

the back door crashes open and Rove bursts into the room dressed in his Pillsbury Roveboy suit screaming, "You leave my doughboy alone! Georgie is a good boy!"
He is tackled with little effort by Rep. Conyers who proceeds to pin the flailing Roveboy to the floor. "You half-baked mound of processed flour, don't move or you're toast! Now tell me, what are you hiding, you flake?"
And Roveboy spills it all.
The House bursts into applause as the cameras catch it all.

[Vektor]

61. Then Rove Boy...

...makes a doodie in his fat little pants. Katherine Harris, clad in a dominatrix outfit waltzes in to change Rove's diaper.

All of this is also caught on camera...the personal video camera of Dick Cheney who wants the footage for his own "private use."

The House and Senate watch in unabashed horror as this spectacle ensues.

Senator John McCain (R-Arizona) unable to fathom the horror of Ms. Harris in her harness and executioner's mask, vomits directly into the lap of Senator Jeff Sessions (R-Alabama).

Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison (R-Texas) fans herself nervously and dabs at her brow with a satin hankie and says, "Oh my stars, this isn't how I reckoned it was going to proceed."

Bill O'Reilly (A-hole - Faux News) sashays in with a loofah and a tube of shower gel and licentiously offers to wash Ms. Hutchison's bosom.

Ms. Hutchison kicks him directly in the nads with a very pointy Chanel shoe.

Cheney films with wild abandon.

[Blue_In_AK]

57. Oh, I love that!

[Vektor]

66. I'm glad!

It was intended to bust up a little of the stress in here...

[Der Blaue Engel]

65. Oh, bless you, Vektor!!!

I was just about to snap and go on a bitchslapping spree and probably get myself tombstoned.

You have saved me.

:hug:

[Vektor]

67. Whoa! I'm a *savior*

:pals:
Glad to have been of help....

[New Earth]

68. oh no, Cain!!!! he's so scary

:scared:

[Vektor]

70. As is Zell...

Hence the comparison. The second I first saw ol' Zelly, I thought of Cain.... CREEPY.

[New Earth]

79. dude you're not kidding

that pic of Zell Miller that's been on the DU homepage is horrifying. wtf? is he human? he looks like a freaking zombie. :scared:

[Vektor]

85. I think he may be a zombie.

He is certainly at least half dead.

[bush_is_wacko]

71. ROTFLMAO!

That certainly IS a DEMOCRATS WET DREAM!

:yourock:

[Vektor]

75. Glad to have rocked you!

I just couldn't resist. It would SO rule.

[genieroze]

72. Things like this ONLY happens in the movies, but it is sure a real

nice dream. I actually had a dream about Kerry becoming President. I'm so caught up in this stuff that it's in my subconscious.

[Vektor]

76. If I live out my lifetime..

and never see a Kerry presidency, it will be a life wasted. He's my hero. For so many reasons. All the post-election bashing and speculating aside...I don't care about any of that.
I LOVE the guy.

[genieroze]

87. I have to be honest with you I was a ABB voter, I wanted Clark or Edwards

I do know that Kerry would be a thousand times better for the country then *. Then again a pet rock would be at least 10 times better then *. I prayed to God that Kerry would win and I feel all the signs were pointing to him to win. Then * and the rest of the Satanic Cabal robbed this election. Theses evil SOB's have a real problem with the 8th and 9 Commandment. Yet the profess to be Christians.

[Vektor]

89. Doesn't it SUCK?!?!?!

And MY GOD, we had some of the handsomest presidential hopefuls running this past year. Democrats are SO MUCH SEXIER than Republicans.

I too would have preferred ABB at first, but man I learned to LOVE Kerry so much.

(Also, I'm a MA native so I was sort of pulling for him.)

[njdemocrat106]

73. Bravo!

You guys know how to put a smile on my face! :)

[Vektor]

77. Yay!!

:7

[Carolab]

74. Oh yeah that would be so FINE

I love the way you think!

[Vektor]

78. Most people find it disturbing!

...but that's ok. :-)

[saracat]

91. Please join us in the hot Kerry threads in the Kerry forum!

We posted a great one last night. We need your creativity. We are good but you would fit in perfectly!

[Vektor]

93. I'd be thrilled to join....

Where is said forum?

[saracat]

94. Right here on Du .In groups.The John Kerry Group!

I just ran over and told them about you.I copied your post! Giggle. With credit to you ,of course!

[Amaryllis]

80. Oh, did I need this...thank you all SO much!

[illuminaughty]

83. Too fucking great!

[icehenge]

90. oh my gosh

Its 2am, and i'm sitting here laughing at this histeracly.
That was good thanks.

[Vektor]

92. I am still up too...

Delerious with pre-Jan 6 jitters....

[thanatonautos]

96. ROFLMAO!!!

[Peace Patriot]

97. Later that night...

Congress, locked in debate, with the Senate filibuster by the elegant, eloquent, venerable Mr. Byrd, defender of the Constitution, now reading Thomas Jefferson's secret diaries, the only known copy of which has passed surreptiously hand to hand from Thomas Hartmann to the redoubtable (and breathtakingly darling) Mr. Pitt, thence to Mr. Byrd, now having gone on for eleven straight hours (Mr. Byrd having pledged to talk at least as long as old black men and women of his acquaintance had to stand in line to vote), Jon Stewart rushes into the gallery with the startling announcement that 500,000 people are marching down Pennsylvania Avenue, having left Savage, Maryland, the previous day, initially led by Jesse Jackson, but NOW at the center of the first phalanx of marchers, shoulder to shoulder with Jesse, Teresa, Cam, Vanessa and Alexandra, and with 10,000 lawyers watching his back, and 490,000 marchers of every color cheering him on.....

...NOW leading the first "I Have a Dream" march in 35 years...

...after a top secret midnight flight from Baghdad...

...and a night in Paris that he will never forget because Teresa threatened to divorce him...

...the President-Elect of the United States, marching for the right to vote, marching for the Dream, marching up the mountain that Martin Luther King said he had been to, but was not allowed to live to see the other side of...where all God's children, hand in hand, black and white, will be free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty, we are free at last!

...and even Jon Stewart is in tears, all wit and sardonicism erased from his mug, crying like a baby...

...and Senator Byrd is still reading aloud to the near empty Senate chamber, to keep the filibuster going, about the copy of the Kama Sutra that Jefferson said he found in an ancient monastery in the south of France and spirited back to Virginia...

[Amaryllis]

100. Sent link for this thread to a friend and he sent this back:

12 Senators voice their objections to counting the Ohio electoral votes due to the “f” word, FRAUD. The Republican-dominated Houses immediately explode in shouts and threats, to which one of the Democratic Senators responds by creating two bloody noses, one shiner, and several contusions, thereby demonstrating that, yes!, there are some angy Americans, none of whom are wearing red.

Meanwhile, back at the Ohio ranch, the FBI has worked overtime on our computer whiz from Triad. Mr Geek is looking at 25-30 years with some serious felons and in a moment of contrite clarity fesses up, implicating a large number of political operatives, to include the Ohio Secretary of State and several Diebold officers. Gomer Pyle’s, “Surprise, surprise, surprise!” comes to mind. The only station to actually carry all of these happenings, NPR, does in fact manage to reach the majority of American households who actually listen and watch “news” and topics of import.

Since Kerry actually won by a landslide, minus the electronic voting, the majority of Americans, liberals, like their Ukranian brothers and sisters, take to the streets all across America on January 20th, 20 million of which descend on Washington, DC. Since the majority of soldiers and police officers are actually the sons and daughters of working class America, they chose not to fire on their parents and siblings, allowing the 20 million angry American/Ukranians to “crash” Dubya’s party.

Since even a C-student can count to 100, Dubya, and his entourage not only flee the city, but the country as well. In fact, the one remaining space shuttle is commandeered by the Bush crime family, and in three months Dubya becomes the first human to set foot on Mars, thereby fulfilling the one idea our Connecticut cowboy had actually come up with on his own. John Kerry, in his acceptance speech, apologizes for being a whimp for not grabbing each one of those Slow Boat Veterans by their collars and calling them the liars they were.