The United States of Canada

[question everything]

(apologies if already posted)

[Maple]

1. And my personal favorite....

[jayctravis]

10. I like that map.

That makes us in illinois a new tropical vacation spot!

[Liberal Veteran]

2. It has been posted. I wish it would happen...

The Canadians actually seem sane.

[laundry_queen]

3. well, I don't know about sane...

But we're crazy in a good way.
Here's an oldie but goodie. No offense, I'm sure it pertains only to the loud mouth red types ;)

Balance

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days.
Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God, "Where have you been?" God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look Michael, look what I've made."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"
"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."
"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, "For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while Southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people,"

God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."
The Archangel, impressed by Gods work, then pointed to a large land mass in the top corner and asked, "What's that one?"
"Ah," said God. "That's Canada, the most glorious place on Earth. There's beautiful mountains, lakes, rivers, streams and an exquisite coast-line. The people from Canada are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found traveling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace. I'm also going to give them super-human, undefeatable ice hockey players who will be admired and feared by all who come across them."
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed. "What about balance, God? You said there will be BALANCE!"
God replied wisely. "Wait until you see the loud-mouth bastards I'm putting next to them."

[question everything]

7. This is great. Thanks n/t

[Cats Against Frist]

8. What was it that Diaz said?

"Poor Mexico -- so far from God, and so close to the United States."

[Burn The Bushes]

4. Jesus Freaks

drive me batty. I'm atheist, but I respect people who have faith and don't post it on their license plates. There's nothing like an asshole telling me "PRYDALE" and then swerving off the highway at 50 miles per hour. Hell, I'm just praying that the guy rolls over in the ditch so I can go on past without my life being on the line.

[Cats Against Frist]

9. Actually, I don't want to admit this

but someone made the mistake of parking next to me, on Wednesday morning, with a Smirky/Snarly sticker and a Jesus license plate.

I didn't touch them, but I certainly let them know what I thought about "Mammon Jesus."

They were caught like deer in the headlights.

[Burn The Bushes]

5. How Do I Get From Alan Keyes City To Fallwell Heights?

LOL

I guess Alan Keyes told Illinois reporters the day before the election that God was on his side.

I just wish I could have been there. I would have said:

"Well, that's one vote. Do you expect any others?"

[West Coast Democrat]

6. Actually, Jesusland can have Alberta

too bad it's a beautiful province, but it's the Texas of Canada.