Republicans Call For Privatization Of Next Election -- The Onion

[Buck Turgidson]

WASHINGTON, DC—Citing the "extreme inefficiency" of this month's U.S. presidential election, key Republicans called for future elections to be conducted by the private sector.

"When the average citizen hears the phrase 'presidential election,' he thinks of long lines at polling places and agonizing waits as election results are tallied," U.S. Sen. Rick Santorum (R-PA) told reporters Monday. "Putting the election of our public officials into the hands of private industry would motivate election officials to be more efficient."

"There's too much talk about the accuracy and fairness of our national elections, and not enough about their proficiency and profitability," Santorum added. "Who bears the brunt of bureaucratic waste? Taxpayers."

http://www.theonion.com/news/index.php?issue=4046&n=1

[JPace]

1. The Fox is not only in the henhouse that he stole....

now he's going to kill every hen there is or ever will
be in the future. No sneaking in any more, he owns the place.

[Kralizec]

2. Haha these guys are so slimy. THEY created the lines and now they are say

ing to move it completely to the private sector. HAHA! These guys are something else. Something else!!!

[tlmorris]

3. Try to keep in mind The Onion is pure satire.

nt.

[Kralizec]

4. Sorry. I meant the repugs, not the Onion

[hvn_nbr_2]

5. This piece appears to be pure Onion-style satire

but if they hadn't done it as satire first, it probably wouldn't have been long before the pugs started floating the idea.

[Orsino]

6. This might be funnier...

...had we not *already* privatized the counting of votes. Didn't the Onioners read "A Modest Proposal"? Satire is supposed to be *ahead* of the curve.

[OnionPatch]

7. Hilarious!!

If it weren't so close to the truth. :mad: