This is who I am

[AnIndependentTexan]

I think it is time I tell a little bit about who I am. I hope it gives everyone a chance to understand were I come from as well as my life. There are some things that my own parents don't even know about.

When I was in middle school and high school I was picked on a lot. I personally don't know why and it might have been because I didn't understand who my own-self was and I kept trying to fit in. The worst part was during high school the first of it. I was harassed everyday. In the gym I even had basketballs thrown at me. I was beat up at school.

To counter that stress of trying to fit in my dad lost his job at TXU when they downsized a lot of people. This put my family into a set back and caused stress at home. It is also what started my mother and father to yelling at each other. My mother couldn't adjust to the new level of income that my father was receiving.

We went from going to places like disneyworld for vacation to nothing. This created stress within the house hold. Another thing around that time is my little brother and I were fighting over the room. We shared a bedroom. These stresses along lead to me almost killing myself.

My mom and dad weren't the worst of parents it is just my mom was too emotional. She lets the emotions get the best of herself and forgets. A lot of yelling went on during that time period in our house.

Things are still bad right now, but not as bad. My dad is living at his parents and my mom is here. The reason why they split up is I have a little sister who believes she is the type who has to have it all. I'm 23 and I personally don't have a car and my parents never helped even when I was working.

It was my little sister though that drove my dad into leaving. She basically got my mom to side with her about needing a car. Her reasoning was all of her friends had one. My parents were going to stay together because they felt the kids were the reason and not because they loved each other anymore.

They both are better off apart and are doing better about things, but I still can't tell them the truth about me. I'm TG and this will be the first time I come out about it. My parents don't even know about it. I'm sure they suspect, but I live in fear of them disowning me if they find out. They might understand , but I've never felt strong enough to come out and take the chance to tell them.

Everyday I'm trying to understand my own-self, but it's a challenge because I have both female and male emotions. I'm not going to change my body because I couldn't be completely female if I did. Plus without the childhood I would be hopelessly lost. I've also accepted my male side as well.

I originally came to the Kerry/Edwards form under JasonATexan. Kerry was the first President I ever voted for. These are the only two names I have ever used. These are also the only two forums I have ever visited and will ever visit. If you want to know who I am just ask me.

[salinen]

1. There are many things

I never told my parents. And now that they are no longer alive, I'm glad I never burdened them. I'm not saying that you should keep your sexuality a secret, but it is personal. Things I never said to my parents:

- I did drugs.
- I've had 6 or 7 prostitutes.
- I've stolen stuff.
- I hit my sister hard once.
- I spent a night in jail.

[AnIndependentTexan]

3. I'm afraid of hurting my parents if I comes out

I've had a lot of bad things happen to me in my life, but I've also had a number of good things. I worry the most about being disowned by them. There is a strong part thinking of them feeling that they did something wrong and I don't want that to happen. I'm taking a big risk right now by telling this. My dad does visit this forum. He never posted here. I don't even think he is a member.

He is also another reason I became interested in politics. His favorite show is Hardball or used to be. We would in a way watch it together and I would call during the commercials of the show. We were talking about what we had just seen. I also see my dad every Friday because we go to the movies together. It is are personal little get together.

He isn't able to connect when he is at home because my grandparents only have one phone line. We voted early here in Texas and I dragged him to the polling place in order to make sure I was able to vote for Kerry. I also felt very passionate about John Kerry from the movie Going UpRiver. I wasn't a Anyone but Bush person. I actually believed in Kerry and still do.

[Chili]

2. you're very young...

...and I'm old, LOL, so I hope you take this in the spirit it was intended (meaning, I hope this doesn't come off as patronizing to you, sometimes it does). It's hard not to take criticism on a public board to heart - very hard - and I saw the accusations about your motives on other threads. I don't know the circumstances, and I don't care, and I don't need an explanation, it's none of my business. But I do sense that you have a sensitive spirit and feel the need to defend yourself. That's great, but try not to let the next incident get you down. We're all trying to cope in a very emotional time, and tempers will flare and the way this campaign was run, it's impossible not to be suspicious sometimes of why people say things on this board.

So hang in there. I wish you happiness and peace! (and ignore this whole post if it has nothing to do with those other threads, LOL!)

[jbond56]

4. Hang in there

Keep in mind people are often rude/cruel due to there own personal issues. Coming from family can be extremely harsh. I used to take things like that personal but now I feel sorry for the other person. It really depends on how you look at it. Think about someone your age that was lucky enough to be born in Iraq. Makes my problems seem small. Besides Texas will turn blue again someday. I enjoy reading your posts.

[Old Mouse]

5. Good luck, little Wikami

I think the hardest think you face is being able to understand many sides of arguments. That can really make life difficult.

Money is the major reason for stress in relationships. I hope your family can come to peaceful terms over time. I don't know anything about your other posts (a lurking newbie myself,)but I do hope you find community in Texas.