If God appeared before you right now and He was displeased with your actions,

[arcadian]

Would you beg for His mercy? I wouldn't. I'd tell Him what a dick he's been.

[Smith_3]

1. I was thinking recently that if I died and found out that there was a god

and he was standing before me, I'd have to knock his teeth out.

[Beetwasher]

9. Reminds Me Of The Old Steve Martin Bit

Imagine if you died and went to heaven and it was just like they always told you? You walk up to the pearly gates and there's St. Peter w/ a big book. "Whuh? You mean you been keepin' records on me? Alright, how many times did I take the lords name in vain? Million six? Jesus Chr..."

[Poll_Blind]

18. Agreed, and the first thing I'd say as he's doubled over and spitting out teeth...

"You know why."

PB

[Lerkfish]

2. um... okay.

:shrug:

[saltpoint]

3. I'd take some middle position between begging for mercy and telling him

he's a dick.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

4. My dear arcadian...

I wouldn't beg for mercy either...

I would tell him that my sins were motivated by love...

And that should be the end of it...

:hi:

[Mojambo]

5. I'd ask for a unicorn. n/t

[Vickers]

30. Me, too!

:hug:

[Radical Activist]

6. ditto. I bet God would appreciate it.

I'm sure he/she gets sick of all the self-righteous whiny suck ups. I know I do.

[juno jones]

10. Those miserable psalms...

they're so depressing...

[SidDithers]

54. ROFL. "Now knock it off!"...

Well played, sir.

Sid

[Beetwasher]

7. I'd Put The Bottle Down

And check myself into the nearest mental institution.

[Tierra_y_Libertad]

8. Which one?

"Man is the only animal to have found the One True God.....several of them." Mark Twain

[givemebackmycountry]

11. I'd tell him I don't give a shit what he's displeased with...

I do that with all the Republicans I know.
And he is after all, a Republican, right?

[arcadian]

15. He's always depicted as an old, northern European, white guy.

He's probably rich too. So yeah, he probably is a Republican.

[bluedawg12]

32. I would ask HER to be more specific. n/t

[Schema Thing]

12. I'd probably take my cues from Ray Wylie Hubbard

who, when trying to get a reprieve from hell thought:

"Well, it looked like I was gonna be stuck here as far as I could tell
I thought I might as well suck up - you know what the hell
I said you know that soug that Charlie Daniels did
About how you went down to Georgia and played fiddle against that kid
He said yeah it broke my heart but you know what are you gonna do
I said to tell you the truth I thought your solo was the better of the two."



Yep, oh mighty One, I was just pretending to be atheist; You're the most beautiful Thing that's never been seen.

[DireStrike]

13. that guy is scary

I'd do whatever he told me, were he to appear before me and thus prove his existence.

Until then he can go blow goats.

[chknltl]

14. Depends on if I had a cop following my car at the time.

(The ol, 'No atheists in foxholes' rule updated.)

[Warpy]

16. I'd tell him his absence during my life had made me an atheist

so he'd had better have one hell of an explanation for all his AWOL years.

He'd better explain in terms that Epicurus would understand:

Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.
Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?

[Tuesday Afternoon]

17. won't happen

nice try, though.

[ContraBass Black]

19. No, I'd just be fucked.

I don't like forced apologies. Why would he?

[BOHICA06]

20. Why would he be displeased with your actions?

Would God's omniscience be faulty? If not, why the transference?

[arcadian]

24. Everything displeases him

He's very angry.

[BOHICA06]

34. That's not him .... but it may be projection.

A common mistake ....

[Poll_Blind]

21. Randy Newman asked me to post this for him:

Randy Newman - 'God's Song' - music video

PB

[az chela]

22. Since i dont beleive in god

I think it is a force like electricity,not a personal being

[Donald Ian Rankin]

23. You can't have a discussion with an omniscient being

Because he'd know what you were going to do and say before you do.

So I guess there wouldn't be much point.

[Boojatta]

40. "So I guess there wouldn't be much point."

Are you suggesting that God's words couldn't influence you? Alternatively, are you suggesting that there would be no point in talking with God if you would have no lasting impact on God and hence no chance of reforming God?

[Evoman]

50. But if you don't say anything, then he wouldn't know what you were going to say,

because you weren't going to say it. He could always read your mind though.

[jody]

25. "it repented the LORD that he had made man", why as omnipotent he made a mistake? Gen 6:6 n/t

[Raksha]

33. That's completely understandable.

Re "it repented the LORD that he had made man..."

"Omnipotent" is not the same thing as all-knowing. It's that free-will thang that somehow got mixed into the formula that screwed everything up. But then again--maybe not. It's still up for grabs whether we'll succeed(?) in destroying our planet or not. If so, it would probably safe to call the free-will experiment a failue.

[dkofos]

26. ME TOO!!

[JFN1]

27. God who?

Buddha? Allah? Jehovah? Zeus? Jupiter? The sun? Jesus? Apollo? Neptune? The Flying Spaghetti Monster? I need to know which one is going to appear before I can answer your question...

[bigwillq]

28. Which one?

:shrug:

There are so many Gods these days I can't keep them straight. I don't believe in any of them.

[KG]

29. he already did. back in the 70's i took some acid and played Inna-Gadda-Da-Vida backwards

he was only displeased coz I was bogarting the blotter. I dosed him, and he was cool wit it.

[bluedawg12]

31. Absentee parents don't get much say.

like--Now you show up? Only to be critical? Geesh.

Then, I would ask Her, what came before the big bang?

[cosmik debris]

35. If God appeared before you right now...

I'd dial 911. It would be obvious to me that I needed better drugs.

[muriel_volestrangler]

36. I think it would depend on what kind of god it was

how it convinced me it was a god, and why it said it was displeased. It might have had very good reasons for not appearing until now. :shrug:

[Edweird]

37. We're not on speaking terms. I don't give a fuck what ANYBODY thinks about my life.

[Occam Bandage]

38. "Better to reign in Hell, then serve in Heav'n."

Milton seems to be the order of the day.

[knitter4democracy]

39. I'd pray the Jesus Prayer.

That's what we Orthodox do.

[John Gauger]

41. I think I'd give him the benefit of the doubt.

Although he appears to be doing the worst job of anyone in the history of the universe, I bet he at least has something to say for himself.

I would also point out that I do not approve of the job he is doing. Of course, I don't see why either of us should care what the other thinks.

[rug]

42. No you wouldn't. If there was a God and if it appeared right before you,

you would do the same as Adam.

[Marrah_G]

43. I'd tell him I would appreciate it if:

He would stop kicking my legs out from under me every time I get a few steps forward. I'm not amused and it is no longer making me stronger, thank you very much!

But my faith has a very different view and relationship with dieties then the big 3.

[Lerkfish]

44. I'm reminded of the play "Your arm's too short to box with God".

If God exists, his pleasure or displeasure with my life is not something I could change, regardless of what action I took at that moment.
His mercy, however, would be independent of my life or how good or bad it had been.
Calling him a dick would be irrelevant and pointless. but you can go ahead if you like.

[regularguy]

45. I'd say that I'm sorry if He's offended, i wasn't my intention, and

I might mention how certain deities are so sensitive and suggest some anger management counseling.

[maxsolomon]

46. god has never appeared to anyone anywhere except as a hallucination

so it would be your brain that is displeased with your actions.

[Boojatta]

47. "god has never appeared to anyone anywhere except as a hallucination"

How do you know that?

[maxsolomon]

48. it is my opinion.

prove i'm wrong.

[Boojatta]

51. Usually people who make claims accept an onus of responsibility

to provide support for their claims. I suppose that God could prove that you're wrong, but perhaps God would have to be very persistent to prevent you from claiming that you were simply hallucinating.

[maxsolomon]

53. go sell it to the FSM

there has never been a verifiable appearance of "God" not based on human interpretation. not OT prophets, not Muhammad.

but if a. god is everything, then b. we are made of god, so c. when we hallucinate god's voice it really is the voice of god.

[Evoman]

49. I'd probably just smirk.

And then give some smart-ass, evoman-like response.

And then I'd either burn in hell or sit beside him in heaven, depending on his sense of humour.

[DeSwiss]

52. And exactly....

...how am I supposed to know what god looks like, if s/he did appear before me?

Telltale signs? Crumbs on his/hers clothing from unfinished and/or incomplete universes? The lapel pin saying: "I'm #1?"

- What???

[SidDithers]

55. I'm pretty sure he looks like Morgan Freeman...nt

Sid

[DeSwiss]

56. So what you're saying is....

...that god lives in Mississippi?

- Not a chance....

[and-justice-for-all]

57. The likelihood of this happening is.....

ZERO.

'If' such a thing happened, I would read it the riot act for not abolishing evil from the world. If one can foresee evil and does nothing to stop it, it in itself, is also evil.

[Zebedeo]

58. "This one's mine"

I would offer my abject apology and repentance. Then I would let Jesus advocate on my behalf.

"Covered by your love divine
Child of the risen Lord
To hear you say 'This one's mine'
My heart is spoken for."

- Mercy Me

[Chovexani]

59. Which one?

The last time I had a spat with a deity, we apologized to each other over tater tots.

Hermes really likes tater tots.

[PassingFair]

60. Ain't too proud to beg....

If he "appeared right now",
I'd ask him a few questions
first, though.

[zonmoy]

61. I would simply say that I am just as displeased with his actions as he is with mine

then I would tell him that he should be imprisoned in the hell he has planned for everybody else. I figure that he would be mocking me and everybody else he sends to hell anyways since that is the way I think his personality type behaves.

[The Night Owl]

62. I would ask God... What does God need with a starship? {EOM}