Jesus approves homosexuality, says gays *will* be raptured...

[Ghost in the Machine]

In the King James Version of the Bible Jesus says:


Luke 17:34 - I tell you, in that night there shall be two men in one bed; the one shall be taken, and the other shall be left.


Luke 17:35 - Two women shall be grinding together; the one shall be taken, and the other left.

:evilgrin:


Now go make some fundie heads explode!

[originalpckelly]

1. "Luke, who's your daddy?"

:spank:

[Ghost in the Machine]

6. LOL!

:hi:

[IndianaGreen]

13. He was Paul's manservant

:P

[rcrush]

2. Thats awesome

http://bible.cc/luke/17-34.htm

Has a bunch of translations from that passage in different versions of the bible. A lot do that have that translation "there shall be two men in one bed" its pretty funny.

I think this one is the funniest.

Young's Literal Translation
'I say to you, In that night, there shall be two men on one couch, the one shall be taken, and the other shall be left; - There thats not gay at all.

[Ghost in the Machine]

7. New Living Translation -

Two women will be grinding flour together at the mill; one will be taken, the other left.

I guess Jesus's word wasn't good enough for them, so they had to change them, huh?

:hi:

[Bucky]

3. "...the one shall be taken, and the other shall be left." So is the Lord damning tops or bottoms?

"Two women shall be grinding together; the one shall be taken, and the other left."

Are you sure this isn't just about strippers?

[Ghost in the Machine]

8. That's the tough question no one dared to ask, I guess...

No, they weren't dancing, they were grinding.... didn't you see the South Park episode where Mrs. Garrison wanted to grind with all of the women in the lesbian bar??

:hi:

[Wetzelbill]

4. lord, go on more about the two women grinding...

I thirst for the word... :evilgrin:

[Ghost in the Machine]

9. That's all Luke wrote down...

I think he had to stop writing for a few minutes.. if ya know what I mean...

:hi:

[Jamastiene]

16. Hallelujah!

:evilgrin:

[rcrush]

5. More fun translations.

International Standard Version (©2008)
Two women will be grinding grain together. One will be taken, and the other will be left behind."

New American Standard Bible (©1995)
"There will be two women grinding at the same place; one will be taken and the other will be left.

King James Bible
Two women shall be grinding together; the one shall be taken, and the other left.

Weymouth New Testament
There will be two women turning the mill together: one will be taken away and the other left behind."

[NAO]

10. Straight from God's Lips to His Infallible, Inerrant Word

Hallelujah!

Of course the Bible is the LITERAL Word of God, so therefore we can conclude that 50% of gays will be raptured, and 50% shall be "left behind".

***

Luke 17:34 - I tell you, in that night there shall be two men in one bed; the one shall be taken, and the other shall be left.

Luke 17:35 - Two women shall be grinding together; the one shall be taken, and the other left.

[trof]

11. Is the rapture mandatory? Or do we have a choice?

Like, can you say "Look, Lord...I REALLY appreciate the offer. Really I do. But I need to uh...cut the grass and put new batteries in the smoke detectors and wash my hair and a few other things. So could I just take a pass for right now?"

[Bluebear]

12. Can I be the man in bed who is left behind? Please?

No desire to fly through the sky with the rapture ready nuts.

[Beregond2]

14. New Standard Revised Version:

Luke 17;34 "I tell you, on that night, there will be two in one bed; one will be taken, the other left."
Luke 17;35 "There will be two women grinding meal together; one will be taken and the other left."

What is interesting about these passages is that they are preceded by a clear statement that the kingdom of God is not something that will happen in the future, but is already present and available:

Luke 17;20 "The kingdom of God is not coming with things that can be observed; nor will they say: 'Look, here it is!' or 'There it is!' For the kingdom of God is within you."

All these references to "one" being favored over "two" undoubtedly refer to the need to overcome our dualistic perception of the manifest world in order to experience the underlying unity, i.e., the "kingdom of God." But the dull-witted literalism of Jesus followers, then and now, prevents them from understanding that.

[elshiva]

15. That's great.

The fundies LOVE the King James Version (KJV), a lot them think it's the only valid translation of the Bible. :evilgrin:

[Jamastiene]

17. Amen

Therefore, we should really write these verses down and hold them to it. It is NOT to be questioned. :evilgrin:

[bertman]

18. I really like the stories about the writing of the Bible where the clerics all got together and

decided that some of the gospels were just a bit too subversive so they got left out of the "official version".

Remember all those dudes hanging out in Nicea? Didn't that motion pass by one vote?

Sorry, I just get so tired of this Bible = literal truth shit.

[FM Arouet666]

19. LOL had to look it up to be sure.

"Two women will be grinding grain together" many of the other bible translations list what kind of grinding the women were doing. The KJ version was shocking and a bit exciting. Luke had some wild parties in those days.... ;)

[Jamastiene]

20. I like the way you think.

:evilgrin: