Converting Dead Mormons Into Homosexuals

[DeSwiss]

Converting Dead Mormons into Homosexuals

Daily KOS
by RfrancisR
Thu Nov 20, 2008 at 12:40:13 PM PST

As you know, Mormons have a practice of converting dead people from other religions into Mormons through a practice known as http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Posthumous_baptism">posthumous baptism. Ordinarily, this might just seem a silly act of disrespect towards the individual's personal beliefs and convictions.

However, the Mormons have made an overt effort to posthumously baptize Jewish Holocaust victims. That is not merely silly and disrespectful, that is superfluously offensive. An agreement between Jews and Mormons limited the practice thirteen years ago. But the http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/11/11/baptizing.dead.jews.ap/index.html">Mormons returned to the practice recently.

Well, then of course, many of us rightly took offense for the heavy Mormon influence during the Prop 8 vote in California. Well, I decided to kill two birds with one stone. I am converting dead Mormons into homosexuals.

My first Conversion is Joseph Smith.

Dear God of the Homos,

With your great and everlasting love that blessed the covenants of Achilles and Petroclus, Gilgamesh and Enkidu, and of Jonathon and David, bless then the soul of Joseph Smith of Sharon, Vermont with your divine penis. Let it pierce the anus of his soul, and let you be forever joined to him, since on this oppressive earth, he was denied the pleasure of the male sex.

Forever and ever, our brother Joseph Smith has now joined our family (http://www.stlyrics.com/lyrics/thefullmonty/wearefamily.htm">We Sing the Hymn to Praise God of the Homos!).

Blessed be God of the Homos,

Amen

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2008/11/20/145340/48/889/664239">LINK

- Okay now, this has gone way too far.

Now how am I supposed to get this mental picture of Joseph Smith and Brigham Young - both in nothing but chaps - out of my head?????
==============================================================================
DeSwiss


http://www.atheisttoolbox.com/">The Atheist Toolbox





"Prayer is just a way of telling god that his divine plan for
you is flawed -- and shockingly stingy" ~ Betty Bowers

[Starry Messenger]

1. I. Love. This.

And c'mon, are nothing but chaps really so far fetched? Every time I think of J.S. putting his face in a hat to receive divine writ I laugh myself sick anyway.

[DeSwiss]

2. Yeah....

...but chaps were much handier in the old days. Everybody was wearing them. :rofl:


- You realize now of course, that with your commnent about him putting his face into a hat that my mental picture has now been altered. And he's no longer putting his face into a hat in it either....

This could be a great game to play during the holidays!!!!

[cosmik debris]

7. Chaps without spurs is all show with no go.

Let's get this right!

[Starry Messenger]

20. Considering the history of the Mormons...

you'd have to toss Mason aprons on over the chaps. Yes, I am }(

[Kindigger]

3. should i tell my dad now?

or just notate his family's religious affiliation in my genealogy?

[DeSwiss]

5. Well, I'm no genealogical expert....

...but I'd say that a notation referencing the "Homo God" would speak for itself.

[tuvor]

4. Brilliant....

...and recommended!

(Should be posted in GD, too.)

[DeSwiss]

6. Thanks!

- The possibilities are endless too. Just think of what could be done with Moroni and his horn!

[ColoradoMagician]

8. Works for me

...

[medeak]

9. womanizers are latent homosexuals anyway? n/t

[DeSwiss]

11. Womanizers??? n/t

[medeak]

16. polygamists n/t

[DeSwiss]

25. Oh. Okay.

[nichomachus]

10. This is so outgrageously disrespectful

that I think it's brilliant. This should be sent to every Mormon church in the country.

[blueraven95]

13. it is absolutely no more disrespectful

than "converting" Holocaust victims or denying the LGBT community their rights. Turnabout is fair play as far as I'm concerned :evilgrin:

[nichomachus]

14. I don't think you read my post

[Spiffarino]

19. Yeah...

It's perfect, ain't it?
:evilgrin:

[DeSwiss]

23. Absolutely SPLENDID!!!

Of course they'll just disavow the credibility of the Homo God, because s/he's not real.

- Like theirs....

[cosmik debris]

12. How about a posthumous Bar Mitzvahs and circumcision

Re write history with Brigham Young as a gay Jew.

Allen Ginsberg might be pissed! But he'd get over it.

[DeSwiss]

24. Well, the Bar Mitzvahs....

...aren't a problem. Especially as long as they have adult beverages. But what do you "symbolically" cutoff at the Bris???

- I suppose one could just use a salami and then make it part of the snack tray offerings....

[ZombieHorde]

15. K&R&B nt

[mrbarber]

17. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Fucking brilliant.

[Spiffarino]

18. I'm glad to help accomplish this

God-of-the-Homos knows, we need to save these people...even if it's just from horrid couture!

[DeSwiss]

26. Oh, Hell to the YES!!!!

- And maybe they can do something about them damn magic drawers they wear too!!! LOL!!!!

[TexasObserver]

21. a public reading of such for all the Mormon leaders would be good.

[DeSwiss]

27. I had something more like a granite monument in mind.....

...by a public reading would be a good start.

[TexasObserver]

29. If they think they can pray away the gay, why not pray it INTO the Church fathers?

I think it would really piss them off, to say you're praying their deceased church leaders into GAY HEAVEN, where Jesus and the apostles hang out.

[Crunchy Frog]

22. I'm in favor of it, but what do you have to do to them posthumously?

[DeSwiss]

28. Well....

...the religion's founders are all dead.

- And we don't want to miss anybody. Now, do we???

[Silent3]

30. I'm not sure why this thread makes me think of this...

...but it does, it does.

Installing Linux on a Dead Badger

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51av5%2B53DbL._BO2,204,203,200_PIsitb-sticker-arrow-click,TopRight,35,-76_AA240_SH20_OU01_.jpg

[Strong Atheist]

31. ...

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=214&topic_id=52871#53047

[Occam Bandage]

32. If you can pray homosexuality out of people, why not into people? Great idea!