Say a prayer before sex

[Christa]

A special prayer to help couples "purify their intentions" is one of a number set out in the Prayer Book for Spouses.

The Prayer Before Making Love implores God "to place within us love that truly gives, tenderness that truly unites, self-offering that tells the truth and does not deceive, forgiveness that truly receives, loving physical union that welcomes".

The prayer

Father, send your Holy Spirit into our hearts. Place within us love that truly gives, tenderness that

truly unites, self-offering that tells the truth and does not deceive, forgiveness that truly receives, loving

physical union that welcomes. Open our hearts to you, to each other and to the goodness of your will.

Cover our poverty in the richness of your mercy and forgiveness. Clothe us in our true dignity and take to

yourself our shared aspirations, for your glory, for ever and ever. Mary, our Mother, intercede for us. Amen.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/religion/6125188/Say-a-prayer-before-sex.html

What a passion killer :D

[joeybee12]

1. I ALWAYS say a prayer before sex...

...usually about a month before...goes something like, "Dear God, please, please please let me have sex some time this month, so it won't be such a miserable month like last month, and the month before...well, God, I don't need to tell You how long it's been."

[Christa]

29. Someone else came up with this prayer

Oh never impotent Father, please send us, through the power of the Holy Spirit, the strength and the energy to temper this staff, stiffen our resolve, and to sustain and prolong our endeavor. Help us to thrust and recover in glorious rhythmic symmetry; lovingly lubricate the passionate passages that this rod may seek to explore. Unite our affection where, uninterrupted, orgasmic nimbus precedes ejaculatory exaltation. And return us to this alter of ecstasy again and again. For all this we truly give thanks. Amen



Here:
http://atheisttoolbox.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=12088


:rofl:

[Turbineguy]

2. I lean toward after myself.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3wcbGdIEPsw&feature=related

[CoffeeCat]

3. Yeah, that's exactly what I want to say...

right before I slather on the whipped cream and unfold the mini-trampoline.

;) hehe

[panader0]

4. I always shout "Hallelujah!"

at the appropriate time.

[FSogol]

5. Should I have the chinese contortionist and the pair of cheerleaders say a prayer also?

:rofl:

[dixiegrrrrl]

6. Old folk's prayer....

" Please don't let the Viagra kill him"...

[rrneck]

7. Soon to be followed by the bowell movement prayer. nt

[Why Syzygy]

8. Doesn't this suggest 'sex magic'? nt

[ZombieHorde]

31. I think so. nt

[peace13]

9. Reminds me of a joke.

Sunday school teacher asks the kids which part of us goes to heaven first.
Kid # 1 says he thinks it's the head cause it is closest to heaven.
Kid #2 says its the heart because that is filled with love and prayers.
Kid # 3...I think it's the feet! Why would you say that Billy, asks the teacher. His answer...Because last night I went by my mom and dads bedroom door. Daddy was laying on Mommy with her feet in the air and she was yelling 'oh God I'm coming' and I am certain that if daddy hadn't been holding her down she would have left us.

[moggie]

10. It's not very earthy, is it?

Sounds like it may have been written by someone who thinks that physical pleasure is shameful... or just someone who has never had sex.

Do they recommend a prayer before masturbation?

[Warpy]

11. "Like Water for Chocolate"

was an intensely beautiful Mexican film set on the Tejano border at the turn of the last century. One scene showed such a prayer, promising god that love and lust had nothing to do with it, it was an act undertaken reluctantly (and with a sheet with a hole in it between the participants) and only to bring another soul into the world in service to the church, blah blah blah.

It was pretty damn creepy.

[TlalocW]

14. I remember that scene

It was pretty creepy. Plus, there was the added bit about how the husband had only married his wife to be near her sister who he really loved (and she loved back).

TlalocW

[Warpy]

18. Yeah, and I'd have kicked him to the curb,

the faithless jerk. It was still the wild west and he could have taken her to another town instead of driving her nuts while he was shtupping her sister.

I guess it's just one of those profound cultural differences I'll never understand--the plot makes perfect sense to Mexicans but seemed wacky to me.

Still, it was a beautiful movie.

[DeSwiss]

12. Awww come on! Show us pics!!!

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/religion/6125188/Say-a-prayer-before-sex.html">
"And Lord, please let me finish before him this time. Amen."

[moggie]

15. They should have got undressed first

Praying naked would be so much hotter.

[Christa]

30. Here you go, DeSwiss

'... and Lord, in thy infinite wisdom and mercy, please put asunder any inexplicable headaches in this vicinity tonight... '









:evilgrin:

[DeSwiss]

33. Ya see....

...I thought that line was supposed to go:

"And Lord... if you can change water to wine and make the dead walk, then surely you can "tighten" the bonds of matrimony if you get my drift....."

[Christa]

34. That tongue smilie

makes me think impure thoughts, DeSwiss! :evilgrin:

[DeSwiss]

35. I know....

...that's why I use it!!!!!

[Christa]

36. You devil

:rofl:

[Wapsie B]

13. But what if a couple isn't married?

:shrug:

[laconicsax]

23. Burn them as heretics.

[Wapsie B]

24. +10

[notadmblnd]

16. sex with dignity?

[rd_kent]

17. Prayer: the anti-viagra

[Evoman]

19. Damn. Leave it to religion to make the coolest thing ever lame.

How the hell am I supposed to pray before sex. My gf likes me to randomly tackle her....and we are off. Shit, it's not something you plan...unless you're out in public and feel feisty, and then "plan" to pound like monkeys when you get back home. If you even get back home..... :evilgrin:

[moggie]

22. Atheism = monkey sex

[Evoman]

25. Nice, quiet, respectful, missionary sex is not my bag, baby.

I like my atheistic craziness. Lol....so did the christian girls I have dated.....

[Goblinmonger]

27. Hey, man, how's it going?

Haven't seen you in a while.

[Evoman]

28. I've been around. Mostly posting on GD these days, and rather sparsely.

I'm doing alright. Mostly dealing with some rather minor crises related to employment. My job term ends the end of this month, and I still haven't found anything. My gf went back to school (Pharmacy), so we moved all our stuff to another city....while I'm still in the same ol' place living in my aunt's basement. Sucks bag. Apart from my gf, living in a basement, almost out of a job, and little to nothing to show for all my applications.

So yeah, things are awesome. hehe.

You?

[Book Lover]

20. Not for nothing, but it's not an official Church document

That doesn't excuse the crazy, but this was not written or published by the Church itself. Though I'm sure the men in charge who abjure and foreswear sexual and emotional intimacy with another human being for life are thrilled at the idea.

[dixiegrrrrl]

21. "take to yourself our shared aspirations,"

That sounds like a threesome, if you ask me.

[Evoman]

26. hot.

[tinrobot]

32. You pray before Tantric Sex

...but it's not quite like that.