Why I am Not a Christian (but Funnier than Bertrand Russell)

[Christa]

Joe Dixon is a New York-based comedian who has appeared on Infidel Guy Radio and at presentations across the nation. Listen to the SSA’s podcast interview with Joe at http://www.secularstudents.org/node/472. Here, he explores some of the reasons he’s an atheist…or at least, some of the reason’s he’s not Christian!

I am not Christian for the reasons some might think. I am not mad at God. Or, if I am mad at God, I’m mad at God in the exact same way I’m mad at the Green Goblin for killing Gwen Stacy in classic Amazing Spider-Man #121. Actually, I’m probably more mad at the comic book because that plot line helped to usher in those awful clone storylines that made Spider-Man suck so hard.

Okay, on second thought, I am mad at God. I am mad at God for not smiting the idiots at Marvel for making Spider-Man awful. But, if you want to talk about being mad, that would be more God’s thing, wouldn’t it? I mean, having your only begotten son bumped off because two naked people in a garden ate from a tree? That is so not cool.

To tell you the truth, it’s really freaking ‘tarded. For one thing, why would God place a tree of knowledge where humans could get at it if he didn’t want them to eat from it? What, people aren’t supposed to eat? I mean here’s a huge tree with some delicious fruit on it, Mr. Divine being declared you the master of the earth (and by you I, of course, mean men. God is a horrible sexist.) and you can’t have a nibble? What a jerk. And anyway, here He is all powerful and all knowing, you’d think he’d find a better hiding place. When my brothers would bring pot into the house, they didn’t try hiding it from our mother by sticking it in the fridge. God could have put that tree in a place no one was likely to visit, like Mars or San Antonio.
/snip

The reason I am not a Christian is because the Bible says we should have faith. But the people in the Bible didn’t have faith. Every time they turned around, there was God. He was usually bitching and moaning, but there he was. I insist upon the same amount of proof the people in the Bible got. If the Lord isn’t going to stop war or disease or death He could at least make Saturday Night Live funny. Till then, I am not a Christian.

http://www.secularstudents.org/node/529

[The_Commonist]

1. Actually, I think Russell might be funnier.

This is just shallow and boring.

[laconicsax]

2. +1

I don't think this even passes for witty.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

3. Have you prayed to THE BIG TEAPOT lately??

Russell is much wittier than this idiot.

Besides, he slandered San Antonio, where I went to college, which is a beautiful place.

[Deep13]

5. EVERYBODY is apparently an expert on what's funny.

It's no more shallow than the religion it criticizes.

[cynatnite]

4. I used to think god was the snake...

he's the one that planted the tree and he told Adam and Eve they can have everything in the garden BUT the tree. What'd he think they were gonna do?

[Deep13]

6. Kind of seems like the snake was the only one in there telling the truth.

And what kind of man was Adam, anyway? "That woman MADE me eat the apple! Wa-a-a-ah!" Did you eat the damn thing or not? Don't blame her! He should have said, "Awright, he ate from your forbidden tree of mystery! Who could have seen THAT coming? Well, you of course since you know everything! By the way, the snake said if he ate from knowledge, we would have the apprehension of gods and guess what?--we do. This whole thing was based on your ability to lie to us! And now you want to blame the people you made for being the way you made us! Physician, heal thyself."

[trotsky]

7. The snake didn't lie.

God had told them they would die if they ate the forbidden fruit. The snake told Eve not only would they NOT die, but that they would gain the knowledge of good and evil. The snake was right.

Such a silly story.