Reviews of the KJB

[hyphenate]

A friend on FB pointed this out to people--just absolutely awesome.

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Now I'm not usually into fiction, but on the recommendation of some friends who told me this book would change my life, I thought: "what the hey?"

I've gotta say I was disappointed. This could have been an epic gore flick, with millions of people being slayed in all directions by the central character. I mean, he doesn't spare the horses - all the people on earth (apart from 8 blokes on a boat), all the first sons of Eygpt, pretty much all the neighbouring tribes of Israel - they all get slashed up in some gruesome horror scenes. And hey, there's some great romance and sex scenes in there - from the Song of Songs, to the implied incest in the first chapter. It even touches on some freudian themes, with brother turning against brother.

But really, that's where the entertainment ends, and the complaints begin.

First of all the characters are poorly written. Take Adam and Eve, the first characters we meet. We've barely been introduced to them when they make the awesomely stupid decision to betray an all seeing and knowing God in his own garden - thus condemning all mankind through the magical concept of inherited sin. Think that's far fetched? What about God himself - the main character - putting the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil in the *middle of the garden* and making all the fruit juicy and nice! What was he thinking?! And he didn't even warn them about the lying talking snake he'd made - something that any conscientious omniscient God would clearly do.

And if you think the characters are unbelievable - just wait for the plot twists. For about 90% of the book the main character is a homocidal, racist meglomaniac, guiding his "chosen people" through endless slaughters of opposing tribes, and of each other when people don't obey his "rules". Think Patrick Bateman on crack. Then, with only a New testament to go, and just as I was enjoying the action - suddenly he becomes all touchy feely! Why oh why writers feel they *have* to put in implausible plot twists, I just don't know! And please, don't get me started on the end - when it goes all Stanley Kubrick! Sure, I understand it's fantasy as a genre - but come on, does it have to go against so much mainstream science?

As well as that, the dialogue between characters is paper thin. Take the New Testament, when Mary finds out she's pregnant. She tells Joseph that she's been knocked up by an angel, and he just flat out believes her! Not even a "hold on sista, we're going on Maury" - he just takes it at face value! How are any of us meant to believe that? Honestly, I swear some of the scripting was done by a monkey with a typewriter. Take this gem from 2 Samuel:

Set ye Uriah in the forefront of the hottest battle, and retire ye from him, that he may be smitten, and die."


plenty of others like this, and the full one from above at link:

http://www.amazon.com/Holy-Bible-King-James-Version/product-reviews/0529064634/ref=dp_top_cm_cr_acr_txt?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1

[Warpy]

1. The reviewer is wrong about one thing

God is the one who lied. The serpent told them the truth, that they could eat that fruit and they wouldn't die, they'd just increase their knowledge base. It was god who said eating it was fatal. The liar.

God also didn't seem that put out when Eve tried it. After all, I guess women can handle that stuff. However, when Adam did, he got all pissy and evicted them, even with that wimp Adam whining and crying that it was all her fault.

It has always seemed to me that Adam and Eve were pets created just for that occasion, that the rest of us were already here (male and female created he them, for more tortured prose) and what kind of god does that when he's got a planet full of other specimens to observe?

Only when you look at that book as a collection of tall tales passed on by traveling merchants in exchange for more wine at the tavern does any of it begin to make sense. As a mythic history of the region, it's a great read.

As a guide for ones life? Oh, please.

[hyphenate]

2. Well, you know

it seems to me that the current situation is pretty much the same--all the little fundies just continue to be woefully ignorant, and those who have their own thoughts about things are the ones who have wanted more knowledge, thus insuring that the "snake" of learning continues.

they can stay as ignorant as they want to--just don't let them have any kind of jobs that require some knowledge and skills.


I've bitched and moaned about the effect this idiocy had on my friend, but it still makes me shudder knowing that someone like her could accept all this crap, and allow themselves to piss away the higher learning she went through to get her Masters. I couldn't finish my college education because I was unable to afford it--to think someone could just let it go in favor of a myth astounds me.

However, I've seen other cretinists (a new term I caught tonight to use!) justify using science to their own end, in one case to have more fundie babies by fertilization--in this case, a woman whose father introduced her to anti-choice demonstrations. Her mother died when she was younger, and it seems to me her "doctor" father had to have his head screwed on a little too tightly to go on such protests--how can a fundie, whose work is in medicine, be so absorbed in a literal interpretation of the bible, when in the medical profession? It boggles my mind to think of some of the things in the bible which have to be rejected because of modern discoveries, and yet they still somehow can believe in its inerrancy? yikes1

[Warpy]

4. They believe in biblical inerrancy

because they've never read the whole thing. Oh, they allow themselves to be directed to chapter and verse by their churches but that's as far as they ever go.

[hyphenate]

5. There is a popular scene many of us envision

where a man or manchild looks into the refrigerator and hollers out, asking where the milk is, and it's quite literally in front of them. That's how I see a lot of fundies. They can stare and stare some more at the book, and literally not see its inherent flaws, misconceptions and contradictions. To them, they find a "place" which pleases them, and stick with it. It's mostly old testament when it comes to hatred or intolerance, and they justify hating GLBTs through it. They hate sex, so they find another passage which downplays sex, and try to make it the end-all statement.

The ex-friend used to say that gays could "love" their partners, and that was okay. Once they carried it over to sexual contact it became a sin.

The ex-friend also used to declare she loved all animals, except for snakes--"because the devil created snakes." You would have to be blind, deaf and mentally unbalanced if you couldn't see the metaphor for what it is. Then again, she was.

[DeSwiss]

6. They believe in biblical inerrancy.....

...because for Fundies, it's probably the ONLYEST book they've ever read. Not understood it mind you, but they read it from cover to cover. And if you told them that the King James who ordered its translation was a gay man, they'd tar and feather you right after they got finish lynching you. Cause they don't want nobody to go 'a-changin anythin' in they's bible, and 'specially when it is 'a-makin them haf to larn any new werds and such.


- And they certainly ain't acceptin' no bibles that goes around putting a woman up equal to a man!!! Praise Jebus!!!

[trotsky]

3. ...

Only when you look at that book as a collection of tall tales passed on by traveling merchants in exchange for more wine at the tavern does any of it begin to make sense.

LOL! :thumbsup:

[DeSwiss]

7. Those Amazon reviews are the greatest!

But clearly they failed to point out that the author stole much of his material from other works.

- They not only stole the stories, but they tried to destroy the evidence of their thefts.......


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Library_of_Alexandria">

on edit: K&R