New Evidence Suggests God Also Had Incredibly Busty Daughter.

[laconicsax]

http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-evidence-suggests-god-also-had-incredibly-bust,18133/

ARABAH VALLEY, ISRAEL—In a discovery that biblical scholars say could alter our most fundamental understanding of Christianity, recently unearthed manuscripts suggest that in addition to His Son, Jesus Christ, God also had a daughter with absolutely humongous breasts.

The documents, found in a cave near the Jordanian- Israeli border and estimated to have been composed circa A.D. 200, recount the life, teachings, and death of Jesus' well-endowed twin sister, Tammi of Nazareth. According to experts, the revelation points to a more dualistic conception of the divine, one with the male principle embodied in Jesus and the female principle represented by Tammi and her giant, heaving bazoingas.

...

Explaining the difficulty of interpreting the texts, McCormick cited a passage that reads: "Saith Tammi, 'Consider ye this on the forgiveness of one's enemies: Let he who would slander you sup at your table, let he who would inflict…I saith unto thee: Look upon mine eyes, which dwell within mine head, and not upon mine bosom, wherein no wisdom dwells.' And then did Tammi snappeth her fingers together, saying, 'Seriously; I doth mean it. Up here.'"

...

More at link: http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-evidence-suggests-god-also-had-incredibly-bust,18133/

[opihimoimoi]

1. The very First Boob Job??? :o)

[Ken Burch]

4. The Immaculate Implants?

n/t.

[formercia]

10. The Immaculate Deception. n/t

[Baalath]

11. I don't get the joke

Is the joke that a female deity is so far fetched that the is rib tickling humor in it? Or is the joke that a female deity is ridiculous because She would have breasts?

I don't get the joke? or maybe I do get the joke and this is just more male dominance and enforcement of a male dominated god theory.

Geee..I guess I did get it, but I expected more of people here.

[opihimoimoi]

13. Its an onion joke for gods sake

[Baalath]

15. So the Onion can tell jokes making fun of homosexuals and other minorites and it's all ok

humor at the expense of a minority to strenghten a bigoted perception is hardly ok!!! I expect it from repubs, I think people here know better.

Don't excuse racism and bigoty as a joke because it has a punchline.

[opihimoimoi]

16. Who said it was OK? Just because I am not voicing opposition....doesn't mean I condone it...if it

hurts...its not good...

But such is life....shit happens....is it good, fuck no...but thats reality...some have EMPATHY...OTHERS DO NOT

Peace onto to you :o)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M8qLp2r7lkk&feature=related

[muriel_volestrangler]

17. The point is that men don't take women seriously, but just look at their breasts

There's Tammi with an important message for the human race, and she's been completely forgotten because the men just stared at her tits instead. The joke is "men just think with their dicks". See? It's a pretty old joke. Probably more than two thousand years old, in fact.

By the way, there's no mention of homosexuality or race in the article, and if by a 'minority' you mean men (who are a slight minority), then we can take the joke. Why you say The Onion makes fun of homosexuals etc. I'm not sure. Maybe you should find an example of that, and take it up with them, not us.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

19. Get back to me when the Onion implies Christians are Nazis.

Victim complex FAIL.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

20. I changed my avatar just for you. -nt

[EstimatedProphet]

21. Something tells me this happens to you a lot.

[laconicsax]

22. You certainly didn't get it.

"Saith Tammi, 'Consider ye this on the forgiveness of one's enemies: Let he who would slander you sup at your table, let he who would inflict…I saith unto thee: Look upon mine eyes, which dwell within mine head, and not upon mine bosom, wherein no wisdom dwells.' And then did Tammi snappeth her fingers together, saying, 'Seriously; I doth mean it. Up here.'"

The joke is pretty obvious. Something tells me you didn't try very hard.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

23. I guess the over-excitation of the offended bone drowned all the signals from the funny bone. -nt

[laconicsax]

24. Clearly an imbalance in bodily humors. n/t

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

25. I suggest leeches. -nt

[charlie]

2. Uh-oh

The Onion has a well-founded reputation for anticipating the future.

[Ken Burch]

3. Wow...so Dory Previn may have been onto something...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C4Ql4p5ikno

[OffWithTheirHeads]

5. and Tami sayeth unto the believers, "You Betchya!" wink.

[Name removed]

6. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Hissyspit]

7. Sorry, more like this:

4Chan is thataway --->

[old mark]

8. I thought his sister's name was Darlene....nt

[pnorman]

9. I got into the second paragraph before realizing that it must be from

The Onion! I'm getting a bit slow on the uptake!

[AlecBGreen]

12. how do they do it?

The onion never fails to crack me up!

"I saith unto thee: Look upon mine eyes, which dwell within mine head, and not upon mine bosom, wherein no wisdom dwells.' And then did Tammi snappeth her fingers together, saying, 'Seriously; I doth mean it. Up here.'"

Tammi!? How perfect a name is that

[felix_numinous]

14. The Goddess got demoted

in whatever way worked, consort, prostitute, daughter, holy ghost (my favorite).... by the patriarchy who know no better than to dominate and objectify everything, including breasts!!! The Onion at it's best!!

[frogmarch]

18. Funny!

I love The Onion.

At the bottom of the God's busty daughter article is a link to an Onion poll stating that 1 in 5 Americans believes Obama is a cactus. :-)

[onager]

26. And his other incredibly busty daughter, Jessica Christ...

As presented in a Christmas issue of the old National Lampoon magazine, titled "The Sweetest Story Ever Told."