Why 12 Step groups work so much better for me than organized religion

[raccoon]

I feel so much more acceptance at my 12 step group meetings, feeling that I’m accepted the way I am, as opposed to feeling that I just don’t measure up, or feeling that I must constantly watch what I say/do, lest somebody think I’m not saved, or something like that,which I've often felt in church.

Less judgemental attitudes from others than in church.

Emphasis is on “Progress, not perfection.” Often in church, I felt like I have to keep up a facade of perfection. I feel like my mistakes/imperfections, whatever, are OK in 12 step groups. I may want to change them but I'm not a bad person for having them.

And here’s the main reason: I hear concrete suggestions about how to live. Vague statements such as,
“if you’re right with God, things will work out,” are meaningless to me. I need something concrete like, “I’m not going to be around So-and-so if he’s been drinking.” In the 12 step groups, I hear much more suggestions of how to deal with RL problems in terms of behavior.


edited for grammar

[county worker]

1. How long have you been in a 12 step group?

[raccoon]

3. In one kind or other since '86. nt

[stray cat]

2. 12 step groups are usually very focused versus a broader audience as well

[dalaigh lllama]

4. That was true for me, too, and many others I know as well

I avoided going to Alanon for years because A) I was afraid people would find out, and B) I "knew" they'd shove God down my throat. When I finally went, first person I ran in to was a co-worker, and it dawned on me (duh) that if I met anyone I knew there, they had the same reasons I did. And the best explanation for what it did for me is in one of the quotes out of the literature:

"Religion is for folks who are afraid of going to Hell. Spitituality is for folks who have already been there."

It was the best thing I ever did -- changed how I relate to everyone in my life, not just the alcoholic.

[qb]

5. I agree. If the 12 traditions* are followed, AA is welcoming to all... even an atheist like me.

* My favorite AA motto: "Take what you need and leave the rest." So I leave out the "God" portion of the 2nd tradition & the steps.

I also found group support far more helpful than a rigorous course through the steps.

[Deep13]

6. 12 step groups are organized religions.

I'm glad things are working out for you.

[AlecBGreen]

7. I too have struggled with addiction

Being surrounded by people who share your pain and who will support you through your darkest times is a very powerful & humbling experience. It can change everything. Im very happy for you and I hope you will continue down the path towards a full life free of addiction. :) Thank you for sharing your experience.

[Vidar]

8. I agree wholeheartedly. The key for me is "Higher Power of my choosing."

I base my Higher Power as much on ancient Greek, Norse & Egyptian religion as Christianity, and it works for me. I seek no converts, no will I accept any.

[kwassa]

9. The 12 steps is a very organized spiritual path

and those steps require dedication and practice. They also require intense self-examination, which few other things in life do, including membership in many religious faiths. How many people really make a personal inventory? or make amends? Very few, as few have the courage or the need.

I found a great balance at one point with both the 12 steps and church membership, as the 12 steps tended to focus more on the dark side, and the church on the the light. I've never belonged to a church that was judgmental, though, only very accepting, liberal, and open denominations, so I don't have the negative feelings towards religion that you have.

I also found the 12 steps quite practical, with all the sayings that seem odd at first that actually contain real nuggets of wisdom.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

10. A person close to me is in one, and from what that person says...

...they go out of their way to accommodate every belief the afflicted people may have. Yes, including atheism.

I found that a breath of fresh air. Don't know if all groups are like that.

[darkstar3]

11. Depends on who leads the local chapter.

Some are more inclusive than others.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

12. Well, this is Brazil. The rabidness density is considerably lower.

I'm going to take a wild guess and say it's at a Catholic church, rather than evangelical. If it's at a church at all. I'll ask.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

13. Yep, Catholic church. -nt