Oh, BTW, your ex, who was screwing around on you behind your back has found God in the process.

[Fumesucker]

I found out today, going on two years after the divorce and thirty years of marriage, that apparently my ex's extramarital affair was with a "good Christian" and she now has found God.

I would put on puke emoticons to show my feelings but I suspect the intertubez would run out of ones and zeros before I could do so adequately.

What makes this especially poignant that it was told to me by a close family member who I think actually thought it would make me feel better about things and accept God into my life.

I'm not quite sure whether insane laughter, utter dumbfoundedness or inchoate berserker rage is my prevalent reaction to this piece of world class cluelessness.

[Lifelong Protester]

1. Toss up amongs those responses, and I am sorry for the

waste of mindspace this kind of stuff takes up for you (been divorced myself, but no one "found God" in the process).

Crappy. And what, that's supposed to make you feel better, that he messed about with someone who was a "good Christian"? What kind of multitude of sins is THAT supposed to cover?

Do not feel any obligation to 'feel better about things' because of this. Feel better about things on your terms, as I am sure you will.

[AmericaIsGreat]

2. I would go with insane laughter

My stepmom was in a relationship with a hardcore Catholic who had 3 kids. He convinced her to go to church and all the rest of it although in retrospect she never really bought into it.

He was an obvious hypocrite and a gigantic asshole. So glad that didn't last.

[murray hill farm]

3. Sometimes things are so, so beyond

understanding that the best thing to do is to just not even try. Your ex lives in a world beyond any understanding. Don't try! I don't know if it is God, but somebody is on your side to close that door for you and open your life to all the possible positives in your future.

[Ruby the Liberal]

4. "good Christian" and "extramarital affair" are oxymorons at best.

Do not let this cloud your judgment, friend.

As tough as it is (after 30 years!) let it go and seek your own path. I do not downgrade your shock and/or frustration. I only suggest that the best 'revenge' is 'living well' (old saying that seems like it may apply here).

Seriously, don't let this eat at you any more than it already has. You have a path/purpose - refocus on that with everything you can muster.

[shaayecanaan]

5. The two relationships I had with overtly religious women...

were probably the most toxic experiences of my lifespan thus far. Another woman known to me who happens to owe me a significant sum of money is also morbidly religious. She attends mass twice a day and I thought for a time to issue a plaint and summons and serve it on her inside the church. But the Law Society told me that it would be unprofessional conduct. Fucking bunch of killjoys that they are.

This is perhaps not a representative sample but I have tend to find that the most disingenuous, double-crossing backstabbing SOBs tend to be those with a religious mindset.

[davidinalameda]

11. she has to leave the church sometime

right?

I doubt too many process servers would serve someone inside a church though

offer someone the sign of peace and get a summons in return

[shaayecanaan]

22. I had a process server serve someone at a funeral once...

but it was after the service, so it was probably okay. I didnt tell him to do it, so I was okay. And the people who license process servers couldnt care less. So it was a win-win all round.

[davidinalameda]

25. LOL

I used to work for an attorney and we had a hell of a time trying to serve people

you couldn't pay me any amount of money to be a process server

having crazy people start chasing you down and throwing stuff

not my idea of a good time

[Raschel]

6. That really sucks. Quite a rotten thing for your close family member to say.

Does this mean that you're the bad guy now?

[The Doctor.]

7. She had to.

I may be just guessing here, but from what I've come to understand- there is always one party more at fault than the other in a divorce.

They invent whatever fantasies they need to in order to preserve their self-image, not only for their own sake, but for the sake of their family and friends. Their F+Fs will accept almost any damn thing they say, because that's far easier on the relationships.

In your case, doing what she did had to somehow be 'worth it'.

You may or may not consider this a bonus; but the two of them are destined to fall apart. When people have to invent a new narrative, and one based on self-delusion, in order to make a new relationship work, it takes way more energy than they bargained for. They eventually expend all they have, and implode like a dying star. It's no coincidence how hard she works at 'glowing' these days. Perhaps you've noticed?

I watched something similar happen to my ex. I made a similar prediction, and from two years out nailed it to within a week of when she and her boyfriend would be done.

In your case, I don't know the specifics or personalities, but I can guarantee the formula is similar.


But, If I'm way off, let me know. ;)

[unblock]

8. divorce can be a beautiful thing.

it takes some doing, but eventually you realize there's great freedom in completely no longer giving a crap about your ex (so long as it doesn't affect any kids to whom you both are parents).

my divorce was long enough ago that i know can be facebook friends with her and simply be happy for her that she has found her happiness, as have i, separately. some of her posts, especially the religious/spiritual ones, remind me of why i'm happy to be her ex, but i simply smile and know that i'm in a better place.

it takes time. two years is not a long time, especially after 30 years of marriage.
it takes time, but it does happen eventually.

[aquart]

9. It's not likely Christ. Nor Jehovah. Jupiter or Zeus, probably.

They were the gods who screwed around. Frequently in disguise, btw.

[pacalo]

10. Did you just find out that she had an affair during your marriage? That's rough

after having been married for so long. Did you suspect it at the time or were you blindsided?

When I was single I dated a guy I fell head over heels in love with. Funny thing was, he asked me out a few times before I actually said yes; when we did start dating he went the extra mile to get me hooked. We saw each other every day for about three months & it seemed like, at the time, when he knew he'd won me over, he abruptly told me that we should go our separate ways, but there was no one else involved -- that's what he said.

It was the worst heartbreak I'd ever experienced, like my heart had been ripped out. I even took a week's vacation from work I was so distraught.

Months later, the reason for the breakup emerged: apparently, he had been in love with his best friend's wife because they became a couple living in his house at that time. He had mentioned her several times when he & I were dating, but it wouldn't have occurred to me then that he would pursue a married woman, much less, his best friend's wife.

I know how finding out further damaging details could still hurt after the fact. So sorry for you... :hug:

[wtmusic]

12. Apparently the guilt is doing a number on her

and well it should. I hope you clued in your family member.

[reggie the dog]

18. why would their be guilt?

if i were to have cheated on my wife i would not have felt guilty, i would have asked her for the divorce and told her i was happier without her. perhaps i no longer feel guilt because of the way my wife just up and walked out on me after 7 years and a 2 year old kid together "to find her soulmate" (yet she is still single 10 months after she asked for the divorce which i have yet to receive any papers for, as in she asked me for a divorce 10 months ago and still has not filed for it). i guess i am cynical, my new girlfriend is great and all yet i have a 20 year old bartender lingerie model from the uk who talks to me often and i would have sex with her with no guilt because as my ex wife told me "being a good dad, being cute, being open minded, being loyal, not cheating, these are just things you do but i want love" so seeing as i refused to go to milan for a photo shoot with a perfect 10 blonde 19 year old russian college student because i was married and my wife said that kind of shit isnt proof of love i figure i may as well fuck whenever i have the urge because the women are just gonna up and leave one day anyways as my ex said "to find my soulmate before i am too old"....

i say fuck feeling guilty, cheat all you can, your partener will likely do the same to you or just up and leave for some bullshit reason and take your kid from you anyways...

and kids, NEVER AGAIN!!!! open your heart up to a kid, live with them every day for over 2 years and bam.... a day or two a week with the kid when it suits the mother.... at least i am so poor that they cant get me for any child support....

[wtmusic]

26. Maybe because of that corny "'Til death do us part" thing

I'm going on 22 years of marriage, maybe my wife will walk away tomorrow, then I'll be cynical too.

But I'm tired of hearing people use some God's forgiveness as a "Get Out of Jail Free" card. If God would just appear before some of these people and be straight up with them - tell them they really are just assholes - the world would be a better place.

[reggie the dog]

28. i am athiest

as is my ex, we dont hide behind god, i really and truly believed in the til death do us part bit and i had never cheated on any girlfriend or my wife up until she walked out on me to search for her soulmate while she was still young enough....now i am cynical... i would love to be innocent like i used to be but i just cant, i was married for 7 years, i would have loved to have been married for 20 30 40 60 years but that is just never going to happen, 7 in 10 marriages since the 90's ends in divorce.... and in 3 out of 4 cases it is the woman who asks for the divorce, and to think i wanted a little mom dad kid and dog family like i was raised it... i tried so hard, all for nothing...now i just dont care anymore

[cleanhippie]

41. I really wish that would happen too!

If God would just appear before some of these people and be straight up with them - tell them they really are just assholes - the world would be a better place.


I agree, but we both know that's NEVER gonna happen, and the reason why...

[The Doctor.]

32. It's only been ten months...

It's not too late to fight for custody. If you can, get stable and petition right away.

I know how this sounds, but you haven't even begun to find out what kind of depths a woman will sink to after divorce. I'm not saying that men can't do the same, but the system is slanted towards giving women whatever they want and treating men like pariahs.

No matter how good of a father you are, the courts and their accessories will believe every lie she tells and ignore every reasonable plea or offer you make.

If she perjures herself during the divorce and you can prove it, don't let it go. Once caught lying, she will no longer have the court's favor. Insist that you want to see the child as often as possible, don't let that go either.

I hope you don't go through this, but it's how things go 90% of the time.

[onager]

13. Here, you need this book...

http://www.amazon.com/This-Day-Forward-Making-Lifetime/dp/1400072557/ref=sr_1_13?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1200083162&sr=1-13

Note the co-authors...

[RaleighNCDUer]

14. i think insane laughter would be appropriate to the occassion. nt

[DeSwiss]

15. I vote for insane laughter.....

...and better still if you get to do it the next time you see them.

- K&R!

[reggie the dog]

16. it should make you feel better

why would you want to be with a crazy bitch like that? my wife up and left me to find her soulmate 10 months ago, she still has no one new yet i have had a new girlfriend for the past 7 months, a new girlfriend my ex wife knew in high school....i havent found god but i am happy with my new lady. if only i hadnt had a child in my marriage all would be well but i am getting used to not seeing much of my daughter and it is kind of cool to be single with no responsability for a kid most nights.... i guess watching the kid grow up will be for her next boyfriend....oh well, i got 2 years of my daughters life when i got to be there every day...

[reggie the dog]

17. start shagging a woman who is a good

ten of 15 years younger than you ex, that will make her feel like shit, i did a bit of that before finding a woman my age when my wife left me. it pissed off the ex good

[Sherman A1]

19. Sorry about your divorce & discovery

been there myself and I will offer what little advice I can

Every Divorce is the Same - Every Divorce is Different

Even with this revelation, it does get better each day.

Life is not really a straight line and this is one of those curves in the road, but it's what we got.


Lood forward for yourself and YOUR life & happiness, not backwards.

[tavalon]

20. I take it that this rubbish who is your ex hasn't been your ex all that long?

I have found that after a decade, I just feel sorry for my ex. He definitely stepped down when he went from me to her. I'm having a great life and grew a lot from the experience, he, OTOH, appears to be living in a self created hell.

[LiberalEsto]

21. I suspect that a lot of these God nuts

are desperately putting on a religious holier-than-thou act to rationalize and cover up their own rotten behavior.

[struggle4progress]

23. You've been divorced two years? Find some path back out of her world

The disintegration of close relationships hurts. But you can't live your life there indefinitely

[Fumesucker]

29. I haven't seen her in a year and a half..

This was a comment from a (very religious) family member who knows of her current situation.

As I said, this was told to me in the belief (I think) that it would make me feel better about things and perhaps move me toward accepting Jesus into my life, this family member just cannot go for more than a few minutes without bringing up god, jesus, the bible and so forth.

We have a daughter and three grandchildren which makes it hard to live totally separate lives without any interaction at all.

[Coyote_Bandit]

24. Reverse Story

Man meets religious woman who is preacher's kid. Man finds God. They get married. Twenty years later woman leaves man and seeks divorce. Man learns that during the entire marriage woman has maintained an extra-marital relationship with an ex-lover. The good preacher was aware of his daughter's extra-marital relationship.

[rug]

27. Would you fell better if she was screwing an atheist?

[Fumesucker]

30. Eh, I wouldn't feel she and her lover were quite such fucking hypocrites..

[Name removed]

34. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[rug]

35. Care to elaborate?

[cleanhippie]

36. Nothing to elaborate on. But you can if you want.

You seem to be trying to make some kind of point, perhaps you can elaborate on that.

[rug]

37. No, it's your point, which has nothing to do with the OP.

Why don't you elaborate why you posted I would feel better if my wife was screwing an atheist?

Go right ahead.

[cleanhippie]

38. No, that was YOUR point.

And I implied that YOU would be happier if the wife of the guy in the OP were screwing an atheist. Do try and keep up, ok?

[rug]

39. You implied nothing. You made a declarative statement.

Go ahead. Explain it.

[cleanhippie]

40. Sure I did.

And I just told you I did, again. And I explained it to you so that there was no confusion.

Your inability to correctly infer my point is your problem, not mine.

And you had it deleted, so its now moot.

[ZombieHorde]

31. Man...

:hug: That shit is fucked up.

[Jim Lane]

33. Take your reaction from Elvis Costello

"I used to be disgusted, now I try to be amused."

With the passage of a little time, you'll probably be able to do it.

Also, don't forget that the Rapture is coming . If they're still here after that, it confirms that they're hypocrites -- although to sensible people, no further confirmation is needed.

[Crunchy Frog]

42. It seems like, in this country anyway, Christianity is often simpy used

as a way of completely avoiding any kind of personal responsibility and a card that gives you licence to behave as badly as you want and still see yourself as virtuous.

Some of my worst ever experiences have been with people who couldn't stop telling me what Christians they were.

You have my sympathies for being treated in such a shitty fashion and having people excuse the behavior because she "found God".

[KaoriMitsubishi]

43. So JeZeus was the reason...

...for the sleezin? That is just so christian.