Christmas News: Jesus Found In America!

[MineralMan]

www.newsyouneeddesperately.com

Press Release from Looking For Jesus, Inc.
Contact: Leslie Lesterman - 555-555-1212 email: [e-mail]
Release on December 14, 2010

Jesus Located in The United States

Just in time for the Christmas holiday season, Looking for Jesus, Inc. has discovered that Jesus isn't just a man who lived a couple of thousand years ago. Jesus can be found almost everywhere. In fact, there are thousand of Jesuses just in the United States alone. This miraculous discovery was made by doing extensive research on a little-known website on the Internets. The exact number of Jesuses is not known for certain, but here are some of the amazing details we at Looking for Jesus in America have discovered, and are releasing for the first time.

There are 3783 Jesus Hernandezes in the USA.
There are 3784 Jesus Martinezes in the USA
There are 3531 Jesus Gonzalezes in the USA
There are 2432 Jesus Perezes in the USA
There are 1331 Jesus Gomezes in the USA
There are 3231 Jesus Lopezes in the USA

And that's just the beginning. There are thousands more! All across America, you'll find Jesus - often where you least expect him to be. It's almost certain that Jesus is living in your community, especially if you live in the Southern and Western States. It's no longer difficult to find Jesus in America, that's clear.

Further research finds Jesus living in large numbers all around the world, but particularly in the Western Hemisphere. Just look around, and you'll probably find Jesus for yourself. When you do, you'll know the true meaning of Christmas, we believe. You can find Jesus in all walks of life, no matter how humble, and can get to know him personally, if you choose.

This Christmas, all of us at Looking For Jesus in America hope that you, too will find Jesus this Christmas. When you do, say "¡Buenos Dias!" to him, with a big Christmas smile on your face and rejoice in finding Jesus for yourself!

[MineralMan]

1. This Just In: Jesus Christ Found in America, Too.

A public source reveals there there 44 Jesus Christs living in the United States, as well as all of the Jesuses with different last names. See for yourself:

http://www.whitepages.com/dir/a-z/christ/jesus

[DeSwiss]

2. Sure he was!

It was in all the papers.....




- Luckily for him, it was before all this groping of people's private parts by the TSA. I mean you saw what he did to the money-changers, right????

K&R

[MineralMan]

3. Money changers? No, I wasn't there, but I read the story.

:rofl:

[Angry Dragon]

4. I wonder how many of the Jesus

the republicans want deported

[backscatter712]

5. Does that mean I need to become a Mormon now?

The Mormons believe Jesus was in the United States.

I guess I need to get fitted for magic underwear...