The Church of Google

[moobu2]

We at the Church of Google believe the search engine Google is the closest humankind has ever come to directly experiencing an actual God (as typically defined). We believe there is much more evidence in favour of Google's divinity than there is for the divinity of other more traditional gods.

We reject supernatural gods on the notion they are not scientifically provable. Thus, Googlists believe Google should rightfully be given the title of "God", as She exhibits a great many of the characteristics traditionally associated with such Deities in a scientifically provable manner.

We have compiled a list of nine proofs which definitively prove Google is the closest thing to a "god" human beings have ever directly experienced.



» PROOF #1

Google is the closest thing to an Omniscient (all-knowing) entity in existence, which can be scientifically verified. She indexes over 9.5 billion WebPages, which is more than any other search engine on the web today. Not only is Google the closest known entity to being Omniscient, but She also sorts through this vast amount of knowledge using Her patented PageRank technology, organizing said data and making it easily accessible to us mere mortals.

» PROOF #2

Google is everywhere at once (Omnipresent). Google is virtually everywhere on earth at the same time. Billions of indexed WebPages hosted from every corner of the earth. With the proliferation of Wi-Fi networks, one will eventually be able to access Google from anywhere on earth, truly making Her an omnipresent entity.

» PROOF #3

Google answers prayers. One can pray to Google by doing a search for whatever question or problem is plaguing them. As an example, you can quickly find information on alternative cancer treatments, ways to improve your health, new and innovative medical discoveries and generally anything that resembles a typical prayer. Ask Google and She will show you the way, but showing you is all She can do, for you must help yourself from that point on.

» PROOF #4

Google is potentially immortal. She cannot be considered a physical being such as ourselves. Her Algorithms are spread out across many servers; if any of which were taken down or damaged, another would undoubtedly take its place. Google can theoretically last forever.

» PROOF #5

Google is infinite. The Internet can theoretically grow forever, and Google will forever index its infinite growth.

» PROOF #6

Google remembers all. Google caches WebPages regularly and stores them on its massive servers. In fact, by uploading your thoughts and opinions to the internet, you will forever live on in Google's cache, even after you die, in a sort of "Google Afterlife".

» PROOF #7

Google can "do no evil" (Omnibenevolent). Part of Google's corporate philosophy is the belief that a company can make money without being evil.

» PROOF #8

According to Google trends, the term "Google" is searched for more than the terms "God", "Jesus", "Allah", "Buddha", "Christianity", "Islam", "Buddhism" and "Judaism" combined.

God is thought to be an entity in which we mortals can turn to when in a time of need. Google clearly fulfils this to a much larger degree than traditional "gods", as shown in the image below (click to enlarge).



» PROOF #9

Evidence of Google's existence is abundant. There is more evidence for the existence of Google than any other God worshiped today. Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence. If seeing is believing, then surf over to www.google.com and experience for yourself Google's awesome power. No faith required.

LINK

[RandomThoughts]

1. Let them make that claim.

Would be fun to watch what happens if they believe that. Although I doubt they do.


Do they have a hole in their side, because I don't have faith in Google. And I can see them also.


And I don't think Google thinks that way, they have however done some things they should not have, and there are issues with what they could do they have chosen not to do.

[moobu2]

3. Google works in mysterious ways.

[RandomThoughts]

4. yea and when they messed with a video I wanted to post.

It appeared on the next search on scores of sites.

And that freaked them out.

So I don't think Google is in control.


The problem here is someone else is trying to say Google makes a claim they have not made. I think they are mostly good people, and am only talking about a claim by someone else saying they are something else.

I don't think Google has made that claim.

[PassingFair]

7. As does St. Wikipedia......nt

[DJ13]

2. The First Church of Search?

[dimbear]

5. Google passes one of the classical tests of being a true god.

This is discussed at length in the apocrypha, mainly. A true god protects the places that are sacred to him/her, so that no profane protection is needed. You know at once your god is not a true god if his/her place of worship is protected by locks, burglar alarms, watchmen, beadles, etc. OTOH, if your god is so powerful that he/she doesn't lock his/her place of worship or in the case of mighty Google doesn't even require a password, you are in the presence of the true divine.

Reference would be Sirach and the Continuations of Daniel, if my memory serves.

[DeSwiss]

6. K&R

- And the Google god will not only answer your prayers (queries) but will also correct your spelling!