When you take the measure of a man/woman, what matters most?

[txaslftist]

We all have to make shorthand estimations of folks. Is this a person I can trust? Is this a person I can rely on? Is this person trying to rip me off?

Sometimes you have to use shorthand, base your assessment on stuff you barely know. So what is the most important criteria?
Wealth?
Religion?
Political Preference?
Gender?
Race?
Cleanliness?
Other?

I don't want to say what my most important criteria are, because I don't want to influence the answers to this question, but I think it is an important topic.

[benddem]

1. intelligence n/t

[GrpCaptMandrake]

10. Defeinitely intelligence

I don't care how honest a man is, if he's dumber than a handful of hammers, he's not much use.

[Neocondriac]

2. Understanding

[Vincardog]

3. Trust/Rely on is #1

[skylarmae]

yup, trustworthiy #1

IMHO

[NMDemDist2]

4. my main "currency" is intelligence. I will forgive many sins if the person

is smart. Doesn't mean I'll trust them right away, but they are the people I am drawn to. Not sure that's what you were asking......

[bertha katzenengel]

5. honesty - straightforwardness - no game-playing...

There must be one word to describe what I mean.

If you play games with me you've lost me. I will be kind to you if we're required to be together (i.e. at work) but don't look to me for friendship. Game-players hurt people. I won't open myself up to that.

But this is just the one "most important" thing that's at the top of my list at this moment. Equally important is a person's level of empathy/compassion/kindness.

[Hello_Kitty]

14. Same here

I've got finely tuned phony-radar. I can tell right away when someone is putting on an act. It really turns me off to them. How can you ever be comfortable around, or free to be yourself with, someone who clearly isn't being himself or herself?

[CrispyQ]

6. Integrity, compassion & humor.

Of course, you can't always tell about these attributes until you get to know them.

[fooj]

7. Honor and integrity.

Peace.

[Chan790]

8. oddly

Attraction comes into it, not just whether I am attracted personally but in general whether this person would be considered attractive. It's not conscious on my part, but what I have discerned through some thought on the topic. Attractive people can get away with more, based on their looks.

[sweepster]

9. character and honesty first and intelligence close second

n/a

[napi21]

Tough question. Probably honesty and common sense.

Intelligence is great, but I've known a lot of smart people who were AH's and totally lacking is common sense, which is the ability to apply that intelligence to reality.

[Dr.Phool]

11. Sense of humor

My wife had to have a good one to marry me!

[tk2kewl]

12. compassion

[murray hill farm]

13. Integrity and intellegence.....

and the moral character and strength to back it up and put it to good use.

[Mosley]

15. Discernment-Humor-Happy

Do they have a healthy sense of perspective including as it
relates to themself. Can they tell BS from the truth. Are they
fair.

[Double T]

16. Lead with integrity.......

everything else important will follow

[Angry Girl]

17. Compassion and integrity

I used to think intelligence (if that can even be objectively measured, which I doubt) counted for something but there are too many clever scumbags.

And we ALL need more compassion.

[PsychoDad]

32. Those 2 would be my first choices also.

and yes, we all need more compassion.

Maybe it's too easy in today's world to be bombarded wwith sights and sounds in the media that deadens our hearts to the suffering of other human beings.

Maybe we are no differnt than we were a hunderd years ago before our modern informational overload, I don't know..

But you are right, for all our noble traits, we humans seem to lack compassion for ourselves and our fellow creatures.

Peace and Ramadan Mubarak

[mestup]

18. I look for self-hatred. If it's there, I run.

There's no force more destructive in my mind.

[sweepster]

21. Isn't that kinda an oxymoron with a user name of Mestup?? :)

That is from the Seinfeld in me.

[Az]

25. Well

He did say in his mind. :evilgrin:

[mestup]

28. LOL!

[Az]

19. Intelligence and intellectual honesty

With those in play there is little that cannot be discussed.

[EC]

20. emphathy... n/t

[GoddessOfGuinness]

22. There is no blueprint for a trustworthy person.

Even when we meet someone who proves time and again to be honest, the human imperfections that exist in each of us can surface at any moment, and shatter trust.

While I wouldn't exactly call myself overly trusting, it's more important for me to learn to deal with deceit and treachery without becoming bitter, than for me to attempt to determine who won't screw me over in the long run.

I tend to trust those who are open and emotionally intimate with me; since discussions of that sort require an element of risk on their part. It usually takes a good deal of time or concentrated contact with a person before I feel comfortable enough to bare my soul to them, though. And even then, there are elements of my self and my past that I'd never share with them.

[Poiuyt]

23. How we treat our fellow man

We are judged by how we treat the least among us

[newswolf56]

24. For friendship, intelligence and honesty in equal measures...

seasoned with a dash of humor. For acquaintanceship it doesn't much matter as long as I am reasonably certain the other party is not a serial killer or a thief. While I have many acquaintances, and a few genuinely friendly acquaintances, true friendship for me is rare and priceless: the blessed freedom to share nakedness of soul combined with the absolute trust required of the companions of a lifeboat or the fellowship of the foxhole.

(I consider myself wildly fortunate in that I have had perhaps half-a-dozen such friends, among them the two finest women I have ever known. But we bohemians do not generally live very long, and all but two of my friends have died. Nor do I expect to make any new friends in this lifetime: in a culture that despises the elderly as remorselessly as this one does, one of the chief characteristics of intelligent aging is the coldly rational abandonment of hope, and with hopelessness comes -- equally compelling in its rationality -- an increasingly instinctive rejection of any inclination to dare the risks of openness.)

[txaslftist]

26. For me it is sensitivity. That may sound odd to those of you ...

... who've read my posts. I'm not the most sensitive poster in the DU universe, I admit.

[kwassa]

27. Honesty, perceptiveness, openess, compassion

[rainidame]

29. his/her insight and honesty about him/herself

[Why Syzygy]

30. Honesty ..

that would include reliability and taking responsibility for one's own actions. I have a problem with those who would blame others for their own actions. It is important to keep one's word. My motto: if you don't intend to do your best to follow through, don't make that commitment.

[applegrove]

31. Character. Maturity. Empathy.

[LaurenG]

33. Compassion

Thats all I need to know. How does this person treat himself and others. (I guess this would toss in all of those values that a compassionate person would have. They wouldn't lie cheat or steal etc. because that would hurt someone). So this is my "litmus" test.

edited for spelling