I was Googling and came across some of my old commentaries over at www.unknownnews.net - this is, I think, one of my favorite pieces, and I thought I'd share it, since it still amuses me (and it involves two religious nutcases, so I figured it would post well here).
Enjoy! Or, you know, not. Your call. :D
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http://www.unknownnews.net/030918a-z.htmlNew 'bush Laden' tape surfaces
by Z, Unknown News Sept. 18, 2003
09/11/03 (FNC) —
The bush Laden-friendly American TV station Fox News Channel has aired an audiotape which it attributes to Georgesama bush Laden.
The following is the full text of the tape, in which the speaker praises the men who carried out the "regretfully necessary 'Pearl Harbor' September 11, 2001" attacks against the United States, as well as the 2000-2001 and 2002 patriotic electoral coup d'etats. Praise bush Laden, may riches and rewards be upon him.
Those youths inflicted heavy mortal and material losses on the enemy, the Traitorous Liberals.
They also confused the Traitorous Liberals' wicked pro-Democracy schemes.
Documents have shown that this aggression by Democratic Atheists to occupy and divide the Government had been pre-planned years ahead of the two conquests commanded us by our LORD Jesus — the free colonies of Iraq and Afghanistan.
The confusion caused to the enemy was sufficient to make God-fearing people wake up from their slumber and rise for justice for the sake of Jesus.
I had the honor of knowing these men. One is honored by knowing such men.
'God's seeds'
God has honored them and enabled them to champion the cause of fundamentalist Christianity
I do not see them except as seeds that God planted in his faith and used in his obedience. Praise Jesus.
He who wants to learn faithfulness, honesty, generosity, and courage to support fundamentalist religion from contemporary persons, then he must draw lessons from Johnathan al-Ashcroft, Jerry al-Falwell, Donald al-Rumsfeld, James al-Baker and their many Conservative brothers, may God richly reward them.
These persons learned from the traditions of our LORD Jesus, may peace, mercy, and blessings be upon Him, who is our most honest, courageous, and generous LORD.
He, God's peace, mercy, and blessings in Him, said: "Do unto others as you would." These traits are necessary for upholding the faith. Whoever is denied these traits cannot champion or uphold the faith.
'True believers'
Here, I say to those who do not enjoy some of these characteristics and who failed to carry out Conversion of the damned: He who is not convinced of Righteousness should go away and not influence those who are convinced.
This faithful youth and his brothers are young.
They are men with big brains and great resolve.
They repeatedly protected their sanity and minds from being trampled underfoot or exposed to danger by the deception of the Liberal Godless Clinton government and its institutions, which painted vice as virtue and vice versa, falsehood as right, and enemies as friends.
This is because these young men are true believers, and believers are not converted, but Convert.
Those youths knew that the road to eternal damnation is the obstruction of our LORD Jesus and His teachings, and His literal Word, even unto Crusade.
They refuse to bootlick even Celebrities and Dixie Chicks over this.
They believe that the integrity of the LORD our God Jesus enjoys precedence over the safety of men regardless of how great they are.
'Crusaders against Atheists'
In Jesus' faith, people are treated as equals when they are proven equal.
They are guided by the sayings of Jesus, may His peace and blessings be upon himself, which says: By Me, if a drug-demonized welfare mother were to steal from the rich, sin would rain down on all.
These young men have understood the meaning of the phrase "There is no God but Jesus", which is the core of Christianity.
It must prevail over our actions, and guide us in all aspects of our life.
Because the facts on the ground are otherwise — as a matter of fact, the ruler Clinton's whims and his evil legislation prevailed over people's actions, even though they permitted people to perform some Conservative rituals — these young men knew that the rulers were in the wrong.
As a matter of fact, they are apostates, even if they perform prayers, fast, and claim to be Christians.
These young men refused to stay behind and engage in unimportant things.
They set out on the path of Crusade and hastened to uphold the cause of Jesus and the call for Righteousness:
There is no God but Jesus.
Jesus is LORD.
They engaged in Righteousness against the Atheists.
Their condition is like that of the Young Republican when he asked Grover al-Norquist, may they both achieve Jesus' rewards, the following question: "O uncle, do you know Howard Dean?"
Al-Norquist said: "Yes. What for, my nephew?"
The Young Republican said: "I have been told that he said the messenger of God, Georgesama bush Laden, has lied. By Jesus, if I see him, I will engage him in a fight until the one who is predestined to die before the other is killed."
This is honesty, and this is faith.
'Unjust Atheistic solutions'
Each and every matter has its own reality.
The reality of these heroes, these Conservative Martyrs, is that they showed the truthfulness of their faith by offering themselves and their souls for the sake of Jesus.
Thus, they gained a status that greatly angered the Atheists, and will continue to anger them for a long time, praise Jesus.
This happened when they opted for practical applications and drastic solutions to champion the cause of the faith and shunned the unjust Atheistic solutions — the solutions offered by the United Nations, the Liberal parliaments, and the tyrannical ruler Clinton, who turned himself into God to legislate and shun Jesus' rulings.
Moreover, they did not pay attention to the futile solutions, the solutions of the prevaricators, the Democrats of the West who failed to join the Crusade, who were preoccupied with their Liberal communism and illicit SEX and who were deceived by themselves that they have been Patriotic for dozens of years.
There is a difference between he who views the fields of preparation and the arenas of Crusade as a hardship, separation of fathers and sons, and risking one's life and money; thus Clinton, Satan's manservant, will prevent him from continuing on the road to Conversion and force him not to go on Crusade, along with those who failed to join the Conservatives.
And he who views the arenas of the Crusade as being the free market of paradise, whose doors are open, thus he fears that they will be closed to him if he is late for an hour or that Jesus is not pleased with him, and so, he will make him lag behind.
If he does not respond to Jesus' call and fails to go to Crusade by obeying the Liberals of the West who failed to join the Conservatives, Satan will come in between him and his heart, and thus he will stray from the Right path and be of the sinful Liberals.
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