I HOPE FUNDAMENTALISTS ARE HAPPY WHILE THEY PISS GOD OFF

[Jeffersons Ghost]

And God spake all these words, saying,
"Listen with your heart and stop screwing around with everything I say. There are people the world over constantly babbling to Me about one thing or another and I want you ALL to shut up and listen for a change."



I am the LORD thy God, which have brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. "Do you want to know why I brought humanity out of bondage? It's because I detest slavery and oppression in all forms. Making others work long hours for pennies to enhance profits is bondage. I didn't drag your sorry butts out of Egypt to allow you to enslave others. If slavery was okay with Me you would still be working 24/7 under the Pharaohs whip."

1. Thou shalt have no other gods before me. "What's so tricky about this one? Are you too stupid to realize that I don't want you worshiping money, flags or each other? I existed long before you idiots stood upright and I'll be here long after you blow yourselves to smithereens, so stop recreating Me in your ridiculous image."

2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image. "I know you just can't resist antagonizing your brothers and sisters by drawing devil horns on their idea of Divinity but that's tough luck. Your not just brats, you are bullies. First you draw naughty crap on pictures of faces of a perceived enemy and next you're putting fangs on Divinity. I never created bullies. You brats built that Tower of Babble on fear. Bullies are always afraid, deep in their hearts. It's how I haunt them."

3. Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain. "So stop feeding your own DAMN vanity as you claim it's in My name. When I say 'damn' I'm not bluffing, so watch it buster! This Commandment has little to do with cussing. It is not only vain but also profane to link My name with the hate and horror of war, jihad, crusades or anything else inherently evil."

4. Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy. "and remember why I brought you out of Egypt. I know some call Sunday the sabbath and others believe it falls on Saturday. Just to be safe, take both days off, with full pay. By the way, I don't mind if DeLay plays golf six days a week, if you fools are willing to pay him to do it but, like all of you, he needs to spend one day a week with his family praying and he better pray a lot."

5. Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee. "I gave you not only the land but also the seas. You are My care-takers of the planet. What have you done with my creation? You are a bunch of spoiled brats and I'm not going to clean up your mess. You made the mess. Now, you can clean it up. I am your FATHER and the Earth is your MOTHER. Honor us."

6. Thou shalt not kill. "What don't you understand with this one? I made myself perfectly clear. If I meant 'murder,' I'd have carved it in stone instead of saying 'kill.' This Commandment is not open for interpretation. Earlier in the Book, I said let humanity 'have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.' Genesis does not mean you have some Divine right to wipe out a whole species. Take only what you need to survive and let the rest thrive. If I didn't want a particular species on Earth, it would not be there for you to annihilate. Now, let's deal with these absurd 'Holy Wars' once and for all. If I wanted killings during war-time to be excluded from My Commandment, I'd have carved it right into the granite slab. By the way, I noticed you fools had smashed those slabs to bits not long after Moses got down the hill and read them. You just could not wait to jump into the first over-zealous killing spree, could you?"

7. Thou shalt not commit adultery. "I'm pretty straight-forward here. If you are in a monogamous relationship stay there and work it out. A new spouse will not fix issues innate within you. If you take some responsibility for your issues and mistakes, I bet that spouse or lover will do the same. When you feel love, you hear Divinity. Why not just shut up and listen for a change."

8. Thou shalt not steal. "You idiots are certainly having trouble with this one. As the Ultimate Creator, I made you creative in My image and you have certainly exceeded My wildest expectations in creating new ways to rob each other."

9. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor. "You certainly got creative with this one. What is this White Lie crap I keep hearing about. If you hold public office and feel you must lie, get the hell out of office and I don't cuss. I mean 'HELL' literally. I'm watching you buster and I'm not as forgiving on Judgment Day as you will want Me to be."

10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbor's. "Moses was standing on top of one of the biggest oil fields in the world when he told you this Commandment. Did you think coveting oil was okay? There is not enough stone on Earth for Me to list all the things you fools covet. Once you idiots start coveting something the next thing you do is break a Commandment to get it. Grow up you spoiled brats and stop coveting the 'END OF TIME.' I'll decide when it's time to pick up all the marbles and go home. If I wanted you morons to know when existence was going to end, I'd have carved it into stone. Doomsday prophets are a dime a dozen and I reserved a special place for these 'false prophets' in the afterlife. Now, all of you just shut up and play nice."

[Viva_La_Revolution]

1. OMG

K & R

[Jeffersons Ghost]

2. I warned you...

In an earlier thread tonight, I let all of you know about the Temple-clearing party. Did you miss it? http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=364x935050

[man4allcats]

3. And God says,

and rightly so (of course, s(he) is God!), "Shut the fuck up, you stupid assholes!"

[Jeffersons Ghost]

5. we can lay on the Logos so thick that it makes Sophia lick herself,

if you like.

Who knows, maybe there's potential for debate... but just maybe... before we hoist theosophical flags, we can look at a couple of great minds:

Humankind, made in the likeness of God has finally created life. This statement does not refer to the photocopy version of a cloned sheep, which simply represents replicating existing life but instead describes a life form that never existed previously, which meets most of the criteria ascribed to a true living organism. Like God, humans try creating life in their own image. A modern leading cosmologist, Stephen Hawking said, “I think computer viruses should count as life. I think it says something about human nature that the only form of life we have created so far is purely destructive. We've created life in our own image.” Hawking retains a position once held by Sir Isaac Newton as the Lucasian Professor of Mathematics at Cambridge University. Like Einstein, Hawking is a cosmologist who believes in God. Cosmology seeks to unravel creation of the cosmos and it appears that once truly great minds begin to fathom the broad scope of universal creation, a supreme deity enters the picture. At a level where science must deal with profound aspects of existence, there is little need to reconcile religious and scientific disciplines. Frankly, the most glaring need to reconcile disciplines exists within religion itself. In an ironic twist, science tends to end wars the hard way while religions, which generally center on concepts of peace, tolerance and forgiveness, continue to prevail as the single most common reason for all wars.

As humanity arrives at a crossroads to Divine completion, will we persist in recreating Divinity in a human image? If humankind continues to envision a deity that even tolerates the death and destruction of war or indiscriminate rape of natural resources of this world, then we must realize both man and woman remain chained to an Earthly Hell. We must break the chains of evil, which represent ignorance and fear. For humanity to ascend beyond this level, it must take responsibility for foolish choices instead of attributing them to a deity. If we worship a divine being that accepts intolerance, prejudice and hatred of those who believe differently, then we create Hell on this Earth not Heaven. Whether we call it Nirvana, Heaven or a perfect mental state of Bliss matters little. This is the final path. Humankind demonstrates amazing diversity in cultural and religious beliefs. Is it not conceivable that Elohim manifests to each of us in His and Her own way? Perhaps the religious fundamentalists are correct and the deity they worship is the one true God. Even if they are wrong, at least their deity blesses flags of wrath in battle, thus relieving them of any responsibility for actions. Jesus Christ, however, never blessed killing, hate or war. We have other choices. Now is the time to take a higher road and realize that if religion serves humanity, it serves the same true God and Goddess. Only then can we unshackle humanity from ignorance and fear, which chains us to pathetically foolish paths.

[man4allcats]

8. Well, in addition to being a genius

Hawkings is two things - he's human, and he's seriously ill. Intellect notwithstanding, that makes him (and all of us) susceptible to a belief in God. It is true that there are no atheists in foxholes. Ironically then, it is nevertheless true, as you note, that religion is the most common reason for war.

Perhaps the lesson of Humanism is as you say, to "take responsibility for foolish choices instead of attributing them to a deity." Why should we blame God for our failures and our bias? We do so only because it is convenient. You ask "Is it not conceivable that Elohim manifests to each of us in His and Her own way?" This, I think, is just exactly the point. God, whatever she or he is, is individualistic. God does not subscribe to the bias of hatred. You are right. We do have other choices. Hopefully we will have the courage to accept the moral path of divinity that exists within us all. If not, we will burn in hell and rightly so. As you note, the choice is ours.

Peace.

[Jeffersons Ghost]

36. AMEN yellow dog... when the reaper is so close you can kiss his cheek,

People with no religious beliefs, tend to put aside the material and get spiritual, when the Ferryman calls for his share of the loot.

[Goblinmonger]

40. Do you realize

how seriously offensive that is to atheists? You are basically saying that DEEP DOWN inside we KNOW there is a god, we just go around saying there isn't for whatever reason. But when push comes to shove, our true knowledge that there is a god will come through and we will pray. That is crap. I have, in the past, believed in god. I cannot perceive of anything that would cause me to do that again. I can't believe in god because there is not god. That is the way I see it and the way all evidence points. It will not change if I am in a foxhole, it will not change when I am near death.

If you want to believe in god, good for you. I hope it works for you; it didn't for me. But please don't put the rest of the world in your framework. Many of us don't think like you.

[donheld]

4. I love it

:yourock:

[Jeffersons Ghost]

6. it's your easter email, gourge on the Manna, DU send it to pesky rightists

would you like to see the graphic that emurges if you search Google Images for Easter Egg Heaven?







I swear, I'm not making this up...







I split a gut laughing...






i hope you find it funny too...

[Jeffersons Ghost]

7. I guess after that OP you were expecting something profoundly divine

me too, which is why I thought the unatural act was so damned funny. sorry, the devil made me do it.

[ChairmanAgnostic]

10. Shame on you and your WAR ON EASTER!

Someone sent me one where two guys in a zebra suit were attacked by a horny male in a zoo's zebra cage. Pretty much the same position.

[Jeffersons Ghost]

23. It's not a "WAR ON EASTER", it's a TEMPLE SPRING CLEANING PARTY

I was taught we should emulate Jesus and this was what He did on this day according to scripture... Did any of you see that merchant selling Easter trappings and doves last week? I want a few words with him/her.

[C_U_L8R]

11. At last the mystery is solved

that's how Easter eggs are made !!!!

[Jeffersons Ghost]

37. yep there it is folks... btw, these are pros, don't try this at home...

I told you illumination was at hand! CU... I know showing our president in such a compromised position is a disgrace but he clucked for it and he got it!

[Hekate]

9. Mighty thunder, wrath of God

Good rant.

Hekate

[Jeffersons Ghost]

31. I'm glad you liked it... I wish REAL fundies of the world could read it...

but it would be like casting pearls before swine.

[originalpckelly]

12. President Bush makes Christians commit sin; faith-based initiatives

Well if you fund another religion isn't that putting another god before God God? President Bush has made all Americans sinful. If just one dollar went to an Islamic, Jewish, or etc. charity, the President has made all Christians commit a sin. Think about all the people who paid taxes and died, and did not absolve themselves of that sin. President Bush just told people what they wanted to hear.

I guess he didn't read that manual too much, now did he?

[Joe Fields]

13. For the sake of argument,

what makes you think that fundamentalists have pissed God off? To be sure, the fundamentalists who have twisted admirable ideals have pissed me off, but I am not God, nor do I pretend to speak for God. Do you have a direct pipeline?

[Jeffersons Ghost]

19. naa... it came to me in a dream....

It's often that way with religion. Now you guys get to decide if I'm headed for sainthood or an inquisitors Easter bar-b-que.

on edit: Every future saint needs someone to play the role of Devil's advocate, just as every heretic needs an accuser to attain martyrdom.

thanks for attending the cook-out.

[donco6]

14. On the "Thou shalt not kill" thing . . . is God schizo?

I've always wondered, how do you reconcile your interpretation of that commandment with this with passage like Numbers 31:

1Then the LORD spoke to Moses, saying, 2"(A)Take full vengeance for the sons of Israel on the Midianites; afterward you will be (B)gathered to your people."

3Moses spoke to the people, saying, "Arm men from among you for the war, that they may go against Midian to execute (C)the LORD'S vengeance on Midian.

4"A thousand from each tribe of all the tribes of Israel you shall send to the war."

5So there were furnished from the thousands of Israel, a thousand from each tribe, twelve thousand armed for war.

6Moses sent them, a thousand from each tribe, to the war, and Phinehas the son of Eleazar the priest, to the war with them, (D)and the holy vessels and (E)the trumpets for the alarm in his hand.

7So they made war against Midian, just as the LORD had commanded Moses, and (F)they killed every male.

8They killed the kings of Midian along with the rest of their slain: (G)Evi and Rekem and (H)Zur and Hur and Reba, the five kings of Midian; they also killed (I)Balaam the son of Beor with the sword.

9The sons of Israel captured the women of Midian and their little ones; and all their cattle and all their flocks and all their goods they plundered.

10Then they burned all their cities where they lived and all their camps with fire.

11(J)They took all the spoil and all the prey, both of man and of beast.

12They brought the captives and the prey and the spoil to Moses, and to Eleazar the priest and to the congregation of the sons of Israel, to the camp at the plains of Moab, which are by the Jordan opposite Jericho.

13Moses and Eleazar the priest and all the leaders of the congregation went out to meet them outside the camp.

14Moses was angry with the officers of the army, the captains of thousands and the captains of hundreds, who had come from service in the war.

15And Moses said to them, "Have you spared (K)all the women?

16"(L)Behold, these caused the sons of Israel, through the counsel of (M)Balaam, to trespass against the LORD in the matter of Peor, so the plague was among the congregation of the LORD.

17"(N)Now therefore, kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman who has known man intimately.

18"But all the girls who have not known man intimately, spare for yourselves.

19"(O)And you, camp outside the camp seven days; whoever has killed any person and whoever has touched any slain, purify yourselves, you and your captives, on the third day and on the seventh day.

20"You shall purify for yourselves every garment and every article of leather and all the work of goats' hair, and all articles of wood."

21Then Eleazar the priest said to the men of war who had gone to battle, "This is the statute of the law which the LORD has commanded Moses:

22only the gold and the silver, the bronze, the iron, the tin and the lead,

23everything that can stand the fire, you shall pass through the fire, and it shall be clean, but it shall be purified with (P)water for impurity. But whatever cannot stand the fire you shall pass through the water.

24"And you shall wash your clothes on the seventh day and be clean, and afterward you may enter the camp."


So - is God schizo or what?

[Jeffersons Ghost]

17. no it's the people who get skizo while trying to resolve Scripture

Fundamentalists first dig around in the history section of the Bible or Koran to justify their hatred, prejudice and blood-lust. Then, they ignore not only their shared Commandments but also most of the teachings of Jesus and Mohammed. Finally, they emerge as self-appointed self-serving prophets sent out to say, "see, they did it too," like a bunch of bush-babies on the prowl for Saint Kerry.

Let me ask you this: If a Hebrew cave-man thought the Moon asked him to go kill his spiritual cousins, would it justify a suicidal lemming charge into some twisted theosophy that ignores the wisdom of Confucius, Pythagoras, Buddha, Plato, Jesus, Mohammed and Gandhi?

I mean why bother with worshipping a deity that must twisted and subverted to justify war? There's a ton of war gods that are still available for immediate use.

Let's see, there's Aries, Mars, Tyr and Ogun, to name only a few.

If we put our heads together, we can find enough war-gods to have a great two-for-one deity sale. It's just a shame the idea came so late that we missed the Easter spending spree.

[donco6]

20. My point is,

Why look to this conglomerated pile of writings in the first place? What relevance do the 10 "commandments" have if the following books in the Pentateuch (i.e., the same collection as the Exodus from which the 10 commandments originate) seem to contradict the earlier books? Doesn't that invalidate the whole thing?

I just don't see any sense in even looking at the Bible, personally. I just can't see any value in any of it.

[Jeffersons Ghost]

21. Just because I think Plato got a bit screwy describing Utopia...

Should I discount everything he puts forth in the Republic? Why toss out the baby with the bath-water, when we could just order a soldier with a sword to cut the baby in half. You keep your half of the book and I'll take mine. How's that for a solution?

While solutions like that are literally practiced the world over, it's the babies who keep paying the tabs on these banquets of carnage. Innocent children as a price of war, shows humanity can still enjoy the fun of good old-fashioned human sacrifice. Traditionally, these "acceptable losses" keep tasting cold steel, when all they really need is a nipple. Dead babies are the best proof that over-zealous freaks should tone down the rhetoric a bit and listen to the other guy's point of view for a change.

[CrispyQ]

24. Well said!

...it's the babies who keep paying the tabs on these banquets of carnage. Innocent children as a price of war, shows humanity can still enjoy the fun of good old-fashioned human sacrifice. ... Dead babies are the best proof that over-zealous freaks should tone down the rhetoric a bit and listen to the other guy's point of view for a change.

[donco6]

28. One more try.

So why pay ANY attention to a book at all? If you're going to pick and choose which pieces are the "baby" and which are the "bathwater", what's the point? Aren't you, in reality, simply choosing which sections already speak to your sense of personal ethic, while disregarding those sections that don't? I just don't see the point in using a book such as this to provide some false sense of ballast to an already unassailable argument - i.e., killing people is wrong . . . period. It just doesn't matter one whit what some stupid book says about it.

[Jeffersons Ghost]

35. sorry if I missed covering that donco6

I choose which baby parts I get as you choose the parts you keep. Get it?

As to any "sense of personal ethic" I refuse to ask anyone to use MY ethics, morals, etc. in THEIR life. I've taken too much anthropology along the way to make that mistake.

ethnocentric: an adjective describing a pitfall of viewing and judging (often in pejorative terms) other cultures and societies according to the (usually taken-for-granted) assumptions of one’s own society. By way of contrast, anthropology is concerned not only with highlighting all cultural assumptions but also showing that other cultures or societies radically differ from our own, which does not imply they are any worse or better.

As for using the Book; they chose to use it like a weapon long ago, not me. It's their tough luck if studious dedication allows me to wield it with more precision than they do in theological fencing matches.

[donco6]

38. Ah, I see. Yes, I agree with you there. eom

[Caretha]

15. Why did God use Roman Numerals

in the 10 commandments?

[Jeffersons Ghost]

22. because Divinity loved the Romans best

Just like the new, improved God, with extra strength cleansing action, loves Christians the best... and neo-Allah loves Muslims best, Romans were favored in times past. Check history, God always loves those who have the biggest swords best. If you find a section of history where God actually favors the meek, the humble or the poor, please contact your area Homeland Security Office, so they can hire a writer to fix the mistake, before it spreads.

[Renew Deal]

16. That was pretty cool.

Thanks O8)

[DS1]

18. You lost me on the praying bit. Praying hard, and all that.

[Jeffersons Ghost]

25. that bit about DeLay likely inspired my dream...

I'd seen him on TV talking all Christian right after he resigned. Death-row inmates get all giggly religious, right before the judge tells a jury to fire up the old chair... The moral of the story is don't watch monsters on TV before bed-time or you'll have nightmares.

Modern prayer, in and off itself, has it's own issues. I once read, "If you give a man a fish, you feed him for a day but if you teach a man to fish, you feed him for a lifetime." I'll only add that if you teach people to pray, many will starve to death, while praying for a fish.

Many people who think they are praying, actually indulge the ancient practice of theurgy. When someone asks Divinity to take specific actions, it's theurgy not prayer. Theurgy merges personal Will with God’s Will in authentic Martinism. For better information on differences between prayer and theurgy read the letters of Louis Claude de Saint Martin, which were recently translated into English.

Here's a reasonably accurate historic account to provide background on one of the few aristocrats French Revolutionaries actually captured and then set free, after they established who he was:

http://www.perillos.com/bs_secretsocieties1.html

[Jeffersons Ghost]

26. do you guys want the party to end early?

I just got the spittle clean and the coals white-hot. Why let the fire cool down so soon?

[DS1]

27. Teach a man how to start a fire, and he'll be warm for the night

set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

[Dr. Jones]

29. # 8: Executive Order 13303

enough said...

[stellanoir]

30. Jeffersons Ghost

My "creatrix" fully approves of and enjoys your God impersonation. You illustrate the lack of rationale of the fundies beautifully.

[Jeffersons Ghost]

32. thanks but keep in mind I don't discriminate against any one group

Like Crowley writes, even none religious scientific types can easily fall into a fudie mental trap. Tell me what you think of these obscure writings by A. Crowley:


An V No. I Sun in Aries. THE TEMPLE OF SOLOMON THE KING (Book I) was the thirteenth article in that issue, which by no means represents coincidence. Thirteen is the traditional number of the Death card in Tarot. “Primitive Christianity had a greater adaptability than any other contemporary religion of assimilating to itself all that was more particularly pagan in polytheism; the result being that it won over the great masses of the people, who then were, as they are now, inherently conservative.” He then goes on to state: “Truth is Truth; and the Truth of yesterday is the Truth of to-day, and the Truth of to-day is the Truth of tomorrow. Our quest, then, is to find Truth, and to cut the kernel from the husk, the text from the comment.”

“The science of learning is how not to say ‘Yes’ until you know that it is YES, and how not to say ‘No’ until you know that it is NO. It is the all-important word of our lives, the corner- stone of the Temple, the keystone of the arch, the flail that beats the grain from the chaff, the sieve through which Falsehood passes and in which Truth remains. It is, indeed, the poise of the balance, the gnomon of the sun-dial; which, if we learn to read aright, will tell us at what hour of our lives we have arrived. Through the want of it kingdoms have fallen into decay and by it empires have been created; and its dreaded foe is of necessity "dogma." Directly a man begins to say ‘Yes’ without the question ‘Why?’ he becomes a dogmatist, a potential, if not an actual liar. And it is for this reason that we are so bitterly opposed to and use such scathing words against the present- day rationalist when we attack him. For we see he is doing for Darwin, Huxley, and Spencer what the early Christian did for Jesus, Peter, and Paul; and that is, that he, having already idealised them, is now in the act of apotheosising them. Soon, if left unattacked, will their word become THE WORD, and in the place of the ‘Book of Genesis’ shall we have the ‘Origin of Species,’ and in the place of the Christian accepting as Truth the word of Jesus shall we have the Rationalist accepting as Truth the word of Darwin.”

[stellanoir]

41. Jeffersons Ghost

This may sound odd but I can't even read Crowley. My third eye aches when I try to do so. This doesn't happen with any other text. I tried about 5 times. Sorry but funny karma there methinks.

[BiggJawn]

33. Hey, GAWD, about Number Seven?

Why did you let that woman fall in lust with me and let us get married, only to reveal to her 8 years later that she was REALLY a Lesbian who only THOUGHT she liked guys?

Screw you, Whiskers, you remind me of my dad. I can't WAIT to see you on "Judgement Day" (if they will be such a thing) so I can put my size-12 right square in your divine Nadz.

[Jeffersons Ghost]

34. Okay, but remember, you were warned

NEXT...

[Mr_Spock]

39. Hah!! You got dissed & your post moved to religion/theology

...even though this post is as topical in todays America as you can get!!

I am always miffed when I see this sort of thing here...

[beam me up scottie]

42. "Moses: The Lord, the Lord Jehovah

Moses: "The Lord, the Lord Jehovah has given unto you these fifteen... "
(drops one of the tablets)

Moses: "Oy! Ten! Ten commandments for all to obey!"


http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082517/