Suppose that I claim to be God

[Orrex]

Do you believe me?

If not, on what possible basis can you dismiss my claim?

[Vincardog]

1. Because I am GOD

[BleedingHeartPatriot]

10. Vincardog, I got to meet you in Crawford. You are definitely God.

I suspected as much! MKJ

:)

[Goblinmonger]

2. Hey, WIMR, where are you?

This is gonna be good.
:popcorn:
Saved you a seat.

[WritingIsMyReligion]

44. Here I am!

Not at school t'day--MUAHAHAHA!

:evilgrin:

But, anyhoo--what'd I miss?

Pass the popcorn?

:popcorn:

[catbert836]

59. Don't leave me out!

I wanna see me some fireworks! :popcorn:

[Peanutcat]

3. You can't be God

Because I am!

[joemurphy]

4. God wouldn't be dumb enough to be posting theological

questions on a political blog. I figure you're an angel or maybe Satan.

[Orrex]

6. Perhaps I'll smite you for blasphemy

Clearly, if I am that which "greater than which nothing can be thought, then I'm obviously going to be dumber than anything else in my creation. I mean, if I'm not perfectly dumb, then something can be more dumb than I am, which is to say that I'm not supreme.

QED.

[joemurphy]

23. One of the lesser angels -- are you a Throne or a member of

the Cherubim?

[Orrex]

48. I've been throne out of a lot of places

And I can solve my cherubic's cube.

Does that answer your questions, my son?

[Proud_Democratt]

5. I would not believe you, nor do I believe in any god.

However...are you related to Bush? They seem to possess these attributes of self proclaimation

[Orrex]

9. I can see, with my all-seeing omniscience...

that I'm going to have a lot of smiting to do tonight.

Queue up, in alphabetical order of denomination:

Agnostic
Astarte-worshipers
Atheists
Baptists

ad infinitum

And I mean infinitum!

[Proud_Democratt]

12. Here's my offer for a long night......

:donut:

[TomInTib]

7. Wher do i sind my mony to?

editd for speelng

[Orrex]

11. Keep your money

You'll need it when I turn half of my world's remaining oil into chocolate syrup.

[Proud_Democratt]

13. Sumtymes i haf da saeme problum.

Glade i haf spelle chek...

[TomInTib]

14. Know shet

[Proud_Democratt]

16. Rilly!!! butt i gots spellechek..

maybee i ken lern to bee ann editer er sumpim'

[Selatius]

8. I'm Jesus Christ!

If you cannot remember anything, remember to love your neighbor as you love yourself.

[Orrex]

17. There's nothing wrong with a little self-love now and then

Though you might want to ask your neighbor before trying anything...

[bluesbassman]

15. What you believe is what matters.

I would never dismiss your claim. I might ask on what basis you claim your deity, but isn't that what a discussion board is all about? However, in the end it's your right to believe what you want. (But is it okay if I wonder about you a little bit?)

[Orrex]

21. Hey, welcome to DU, bluesbassman!

:hi:

Well, I should probably admit that I might not be 100% serious in my proposal--I'm basically just floating the argument that anyone might claim to be God, to find out why some might not believe. And then it's a simple step to ask on what basis the believe does believe that some other entity is God.

At the end of the day, the evidence that I am/am-not God is about as strong/weak as the evidence for any other entity who makes that claim.


In any case, you're welcome to wonder about me. I'm just so darned mysterious, after all!

[bluesbassman]

26. Aw shucks, I thought you were serious.

And that's the funny thing about evidence; sometimes it's weak, and the next thing you know it's strong. Who knows what tomorrow will bring?

And thanks, it's good to be here.

[Orrex]

29. Perhaps my facetiousness is meant to test your faith

It's all a part of my mysterious ways, and that kind of thing.

[bluesbassman]

42. You're not also known as "the Sphinx" are you?

Crude attempt at humor refrencing the 1999 movie "Mystery Men". He was, after all VERY mysterious!

[Orrex]

47. I can indeed balance a tack hammer, if that's what you mean

[bluesbassman]

55. Okay, but can you do it while wearing watermelons on your feet?

Then and only the will I believe you and your noodley appendages are god.:applause:

[William769]

18. Oy Vey!

Here we go again! :eyes:

[arwalden]

19. The Platypus.

What kind of deity would have created this? Deities don't have a sense of humor. When creating the animal kingdom, deities don't have left-over parts that they just toss together to come up with the platypus? Deities don't make mistakes.



I mean... come ON... what would any deity have been THINKING??!! In my mind, the platypus PROVES that there are no deities.

:hi: :rofl:

[Orrex]

25. You're waaaay off base

Do you realize how tough it would be to account for all those platypus eggs lying around if I hadn't created the platypus? Well do you?

[Ready4Change]

30. Hate to get serious...

But the Platypus is very well suited to its particular niche. A true god could hardly have done better than to have designed them just as they are.

And, were I to continue being serious, since we were created in gods image, and we have senses of humor, it would seem to follow that god has a funny bone as well.

(This works for the FSM too, as everyone knows one of the best spices for a meal is the laughter of friends and family.)

[WhollyHeretic]

33. Ah, but what about the babel fish?

The Babel fish is small, yellow and leechlike, and probably the oddest thing in the Universe. It feeds on brainwave energy received not from its own carrier but from those around it. It absorbs all unconscious mental frequencies from this brainwave energy to nourish itself with. It then excretes into the mind of its carrier a telepathic matrix formed by combining the conscious thought frequencies with nerve signals picked up from the speech centers of the brain which has supplied them. The practical upshot of all this is that if you stick a Babel fish in your ear you can instantly understand anything said to you in any form of language. The speech patterns you actually hear decode the brainwave matrix which has been fed into your mind by your Babel fish.

Now it is such a bizarrely improbable coincidence that anything that mindbogglingly useful could have evolved purely by chance that some thinkers have chosen to see it as a final and clinching proof of the nonexistence of God. The argument goes something like this:

“I refuse to prove that I exist,” says God, “for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing.”

“But,” says man, “the Babel fish is a dead giveaway, isn´t it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don´t. QED.”

“Oh dear,” says God, “I hadn´t thought of that,” and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic.

“Oh, that was easy,” says man, and for an encore goes on to prove that black is white and gets himself killed on the next zebra crossing.

Most leading theologians claim that this argument is a load of dingo´s kidneys, but that didn´t stop Oolon Colluphid making a small fortune when he used it as the central theme of his best-selling book, Well That about Wraps It Up for God.

[arwalden]

34. I Think It Speaks Well For Evolution...

... not the existence of any deity making conscious decisions.

I mean... you know... as long as we're being serious and all. :-|

[Ready4Change]

36. Oh, the seriousness is a passing phase for me.

I just feel sorry for how this whole "does God exist" thing keeps getting set onto the barely existant shoulders of the poor little platypus. Did it ask for such responsibility? No. Just wants to dig up tasty, tender little treats from the mud. Lucky the poor little buggers aren't extinct from the stress of it all.

God should prove himself, and stop expecting helpless little marsupials to do all his work for him.

[arwalden]

37. Something Like This Would Convince Me

[Ready4Change]

38. I once saw a giant floating tennis shoe?

Honest. I was flying a single engine plane on a training flight, with my instructor. We were in the middle of doing touch and goes (landing practice.) During one of the times we were climbing away from the airport I saw something odd in the distance.

ME: You see something over there?
INSTRUCTOR: Yah.
ME: What does it look like to you?
(silence for a few moments)
INSTRUCTOR: Ah, I ain't sayin'
(more silence)
ME: Well, to me, it looks like a giant, floating tennis shoe?
INSTRUCTOR: 'Fraid I gotta agree.

We exited the pattern to go have a look. Turns out it was a giant hot air ballon in the shape of a tennis shoe. We circled it a few times and returned to the airport.

Not proof of God, but was certainly surreal for a few minutes.

[catbert836]

60. God has syphilis!

And a rather advanced case, too!
:rofl:

[nemo137]

61. Post of the week. Easily.

Well played, friend.

[IntravenousDemilo]

20. OK, sure, why not? It's as valid an argument as I've heard for a god. n/m

[Igel]

22. First you have to prove that you exist as more than

pixels on my flat-screen display. why should I try to prove the opposite, that there's no need to assume you exist, and therefore proving you exist isn't the llogical imperative some might think it is.

Even then, I can deny you exist by changing the requirements for existence and godship; or just hate you (and those that don't properly speak ill of you). After all, my guinea pig died when I was 15.

--Signed, a proud and defiant aorrexian.

[Orrex]

28. Your guinea pig didn't die

It moved on to a higher state of being, so that it can exist in perpetual guinea pig bliss. What kind of brute are you to wish anything but perfect happiness for your dearly departed rodent?

As to the rest, it currently pleases me to manifest as pixels on your flat-screen. When the time comes I will send you an unmistakable sign, and you will recant your aorrexianism and sing my praises.

Just you wait!

[Igel]

39. Worm food.

Sorry, I deleted some pixels.

To quote the exalted Kosh, there's a hole in your mind.

[TechBear_Seattle]

24. Thou art God

And I am God and all that groks is God.

[Ready4Change]

27. My Basis: Can't type with fingers made of Pasta.

Noodly appendages are great for many things, but typing isn't one of them.

[Orrex]

31. Au contraire!

You can't type with noodly appendages, but I can. That's why I'm God, see?

[Ready4Change]

35. Hah! But God is infallible!

God is infallible, and yet you claim you can type with noodly appendages? You clearly claim falsely, as God has been protrayed by countless fine artists throughout time as having fleshy fingers.

I present the following as incontrovertable evidence!:



(Note the humanlike, fleshy fingers parting the clouds.)

So there! :P

[Bill McBlueState]

57. I think that's actually the doorman.

He's got delusions of grandeur, so the Noodley One lets him wear a crown, have a long beard, and flood the earth once every few millenia.

[Ready4Change]

65. Dag, another fine theory, shot down in flames.

You have scored a point, good sir!

[Silent3]

32. Is that called being...

...autotheistic?

I kind of like the idea, but building autotheism into an organized movement might prove to be very contentious.

[Orrex]

49. No--that's when you worship your car

That's a divinely funny joke, if I say so myself.

[Vincardog]

40. Thanks for the vote BleedingHeartPatriot Take that Orrex you infidel

[OneBlueSky]

41. well, there would have to be a small test first . . .

tell me the winning numbers in next week's New York State Lottery . . .

if you're right, I'll be happy as hell to sing your praises and genuflect in your presence . . .

[Orrex]

46. If I told you that, it would violate your free will

And I have a famous policy about that.

[OneBlueSky]

56. no you wouldn't .. . . I'd still be free to . . .

buy a lottery ticket -- or not . . .

[NMMNG]

43. I work in mental health

If anybody comes up to me and claims they're god it's assumed they are delusional.

[Maat]

53. I worked in mental health/social-services for years.

I have a M.A. in Psychology. And I was on the team that determined whether or not to put someone on a 72-hour-hold.

Yeah, you're right, I guess.

Except that Religious Scientists believe that we are each a part of God and equally divine:
www.rsintl.org .

So, of course the O.P. is God. We all are!

[TallahasseeGrannie]

45. If you can tell me the lottery numbers for

tonight in FL I might believe you.

But even if you couldn't, I'd watch you very carefully. Because you just never know. I mean, I'm sure many of us have called out to God "Hey, why don't you just come out and show yourself?" And maybe it's Orrex on DU! Who knows?

[rd_kent]

50. Its easy!

If you are god, you could PROVE it! No proof, no god!

[Orrex]

51. Nice try

I could prove it, but because I'm God, I don't have to prove it.

[rd_kent]

52. HAHAHA!

But since I'm an atheist, I dont believe in you, therefore I must be talking to myself.

[rug]

54. I will shoot you in the head. If you rise I will believe you.

[Inland]

58. God on DU is like Jesus appearing on a tortilla.

There's no hard and fast rule that says it can't happen, but you sure do WISH that god isn't stooping so low.

[Zebedeo]

62. Live a sinless life as a man.

Perform miracles.

Preach the Truth about the Kingdom of Heaven.

Then lay down your life by suffering and dying on a cross.

Then rise from the dead on the third day.

After your Resurrection, talk to and interact with people. Let them touch you and confirm that you are Orrex.

Then physically ascend into Heaven.

Do all that, and I'll believe you.

:)

[Goblinmonger]

63. He didn't say he was Jesus

he said he was god.

And I won't quibble with each entry on your list (though I could), but how do we know that Jesus led a sinless life? He was human. You don't think he coveted? You don't think he looked at women and had "dirty" thoughts?

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

64. Yes

but then so am I. So is everything. Tat sam asi (You are That which you are seeking).

[greyl]

66. You have god on "ignore", then. :)

In the past you said you did, anyhow. You wouldn't try to deceive god, now would you?
It's futile!

[greyl]

67. First, I'd ask if you cared if I believed you were god.

Depending on your answer, I may or may not have follow-up questions.

[Brentos]

68. Hmmm...I'll bite!

Nah, I don't believe ya.

Beware false prophets...and all that jazz.


1. We are told by the Bible to beware false prophets, and we will know them by them not being able to correctly prophesy, for one. So, first you need to do some really detailed prophecy.

2. God is a consistent God, so if what you say doesn't match what you've said in the past, then you cannot be God.

3. Do you have fingers, or noodly appendages? If you can't reach through the computer screen with your noodly appendages and scoop some peanut butter out of my canister...I may have some doubts! :-)

[lvx35]

69. I would ask if you were the TOTALITY of god.

If you said yes, I would examine you for limitations of ego...Are you afraid if I put a gun to your head and prepare to blow your brain out? IF so, I see your limitations and know that you are not unlimited. If not, I take you seriously.

[manic expression]

70. I would agree with you

you are god, I am god, the building you are sitting in is god; everything is god.