Some opinions and suggestions please.

[erinlough]

I am a teacher at a middle school. All year we have had a father who insists on coming in to have lunch in the student lunchroom with his child, a boy, in 7th grade. No problem with me until about March. Now he is dating the mother of an 8th grade girl and he has extended his attention to this girl and in fact a small group of 8th grade girls. He sits with them and talks to them like he is flirting. I have heard him say, " Hi babe what's shaking" and " what are you doing today, just screwing around". He also has been found out in the hall after class starts waving to girls and giving hand signals. He is about 40 years old.

Monday he was there again and one of my special education students, a very vulnerable girl who is very needy was hanging on him. He went to leave the school after lunch and she ran out after him and handed him his truck keys. I asked her why she had his keys and she said they were looking in each other's pockets and she guessed she took his keys! I am worried and upset that the superintendent and principal say they cannot bar a parent from coming to school to see their kids, even if he is acting this weird (my opinion I know)

So thats the story and what I have decided to do about it is be in the cafeteria every time he is there to look out for the kids. Today he was hugging the girls as they were dismissed from the cafeteria and I asked to speak to him privately. I explained we have a rule about public displays of affection and it could be confusing to the girls. He was irate at me and I am sure he will lodge a complaint. He yelled, "can I hug my own kids?" and I replied that he could hug his own kids any time as long as they were his own kids.

Am I over-reacting? I have never had such an "impending danger" feeling before.

[niyad]

1. I don't know what the procedures are in your area, but I agree with your feelings.I

am getting a sick feeling in my stomach as I read this.

[The Magistrate]

2. On The Facts You Have Presented, Sir

You have a serious problem. The attitude of the school authorities puzzles me: here in my city, permission is required for parents to come on school premises during class hours. While it is of course routinely granted, I strongly doubt a person exhibiting this behavior would be admitted.

[erinlough]

8. At first there was no problem

He was and is appropriate with his son and the boy seems to like him being there. It has only been since the girl became involved that I have seen the flirty behavior. Many aids and lunch workers have complained. I just began to notice it because of the involvement of one of my students. Maybe now that I am in the lunchroom and documenting what I see something will happen. I am not an administrator, but I have a sterling reputation and 35 years of experience, I know my perceptions are valid but it never hurts to check with other professionals.

[The Magistrate]

11. You Seem To Be Doing The Right Thing, Sir

That 'pockets' game worries me a bit, unless each was emptying their own onto a table. I made it a point to be friendly with both my children's friends, but there are limits and this seems to cross them. Even on the charitable assumption he is simply trying hard to be 'world's coolest dad' (which the young generally see through and detest), the language you report is over the line.

[erinlough]

15. I agree about the pocket comment

I am aware this is a language impaired child and she may not be expressing things as clearly as it happened. I also do not want to stand in the way of a father trying to be as good as he can be.........but the feeling I have is one of discomfort, and I have been around lots of parents and their children. Perhaps he will think more about the conversation we had and his behavior will modify.

[elehhhhna]

19. COme ON! sHE GOT HIS CAR KEYS SOMEHOW, then tells about the

pocket business...which, btw, is a CLASSIC child-molester "game". You raen't scaring him off, he'll just make sure you aren't looking. CALL the authorities, NOW. I assume that you, as a teacher, have a responsibility to see this through immediately.

[proud2BlibKansan]

24. That pockets thing is gross but it really isn't enough to call the authorities

It's an allegation from a kid who has no bruises and wasn't traumatized.

The teacher needs to let the principal decide what to do.

[madeline_con]

29. A kid needs a briuse to prove

some perv wanted his pecker touched? :wtf:

[proud2BlibKansan]

23. It's really hard to exclude parents from school

This guy would have to be a convicted sex offender. Or if he doesn't have legal custody, the custodial parent could file a restraining order to keep him away from his kid.

The other possibility is if the guy is belligerent or threatens school personnel, the school could ban him. That happens more often than a lot of people realize.

But this shouldn't be this teacher's problem. She should report this guy to her principal and let the principal deal with him.

[cyberswede]

3. Most reasonable people

would have taken your comments as intended - as a "head's up" about actions that might be seen as inappropriate.

Has anyone told the parents of the other girls what he's doing? If the woman he is dating is ok with him hugging her daughter, that's one thing, but the other girls' parents might have an opinion about him hugging/hanging out with THEIR daughters.

My 2 cents.
thx - cs

[Liberal Gramma]

4. Doesn't your district have a policy that adults have to register with the office?

Many districts now don't allow adults any contact with children unless they have been checked for prior records, and in any case, all adults have to register in the main office before going to any other location in the school. I'm with you--I think it's creepy.

[erinlough]

9. Thats another story

The secretary has been having to intercept him and tell him he must wear identification. He states he doesn't think he should have to because everyone knows who he is. When she insisted he clipped it to his belt and it hung over his zipper and the office requested that he wear it on his shirt pocket as it was intended. ............ew

[The Magistrate]

13. Is There A Police Officer On The Premises, Sir?

[erinlough]

14. Very small school and no

we have never had police in the schools. By the way, I'm female!! But I love your formality.

[The Magistrate]

17. Here In Chicago, Ma'am, They Assign One To Every Public School

It would simplify a matter such as this.

Keep documenting and complaining, and something must give sooner or later.

[erinlough]

18. It would make things simpler and thanks for your advice. n/t

[guyanakoolaid]

5. You're not overreacting, This guy needs to be barred from campus.

Do this: Write down your concerns in detail, especially the keys part. BOTH email and give a paper copy to your principal. Explain that you see this man as a danger, and that you wanted to make your concerns known because if anything happens and a possibly-abused girl's parents sue, you want it out in the open what you knew and when you knew it.

If that doesn't sway the principal to make changes in lunch visitation policy, you have at least done your part. If it doesn't work, keep an eye on him and let him know you are. Don't say anything or approach him, just watch him. Any time he touches a student other than his own, calmly walk over to him and remind him firmly that there is a no-touching policy. He'll have nothing to argue (legitimately) about.

[Systematic Chaos]

6. When in doubt, I go with brutally succinct (Gentle won't cut it with this guy)

This guy sounds like some kind of total freak. He has no business hanging around the school as much as he does with his own son, let alone with all these young girls!

Looking into each other's pockets? A 40-year-old man and a 14-ish special ed girl? :wtf:???

Damn right you need to get his warped ass hauled off the campus, STAT!

[niyad]

7. do you have a cell phone with a camera in it? I would seriously think about taking pics

every time he touches a student. not sure what the laws are regarding such.

[elehhhhna]

10. "she said they were looking in each other's pockets " ?!! Honey, trust your gut and

call the POLICE & Child Protective Services, anonymously. Turn this pervert IN, immediately.

TRUST YOUR GUT. If I knew the name of your school I'd be calling them RIGHT NOW.

[niyad]

12. thank you. I was just coming in to suggest that the police be called in.

the sex crimes unit or something would be very interested

[Warpy]

16. No. you are not weird at all. This guy is showing an unhealthy

interest in other people's children, especially the weaker and more vulnerable ones.

Sound the alarm, notify his wife, call the cops, do whatever you have to do before all this kindly attention turns into something not so kindly.

My gut feeling is that it will if it goes on.

[LWolf]

20. Policies vary from district to district, and state to state.

In my current location, parents must have passed a security check to be on campus anywhere beyond the front office. Just like teachers.

We also have supervision in the lunchroom. Since it's my principal supervising, she would automatically handle any kind of a problem like that.

Did you talk to the principal about this first, and were told there was nothing to be done, or?

I'd definitely at least be the first to take this latest story to the admins.

[MichiganVote]

21. School is not a social event for parents. If he is there to have lunch with his kid, that's all he

needs to do. Eat lunch with his child. Lack of boundaries is not an excuse for the parent or school administration to fail to address what sounds like some disruption in the school.

[proud2BlibKansan]

22. You need to let the principal deal with this idiot

This is a perfect example of why the principal's paycheck is bigger than yours.

[erinlough]

25. I agree and normally never get involved in this kind of thing. However

My principal is a wonderful first year person with 10 years in teaching before this. She will be wonderful and she is willing and totally capable of handling this. The problem is that she had an emergency with another child and asked me to be in the lunchroom and watch him. It was not her fault that he was there at all, as I said he just began this flirty girl thing recently.

Interesting side note. When my state didn't have Schools of Choice we never had problems like these. The people we had in school lived in the community so the community and their desires shaped what went on in schools to a great degree. Now parents may choose any school in the state to take their child to and the schools compete strongly for every student. We have around 30% of the students in our school from other communities. As we have courted these parents they are also listened to disproportionately in my opinion. There is now, a great deal of bitching and threatening that goes on. "Don't do it my way and I'll pull my kid", and attention is paid to them by the administration and the school board. This isn't just at my school but has been reported all over. I call them ChaChing kids. I'm not so sure the competition has been a good thing, but it is the new reality.

[proud2BlibKansan]

26. This is your principal's job, not yours

It isn't about whose fault it is. The guy is a creep. But let her deal with him. She knew when she became a principal that situations like this are part of her job.

I wouldn't say one more word to the guy if I were you. Watch him and report him. And if you see him touching kids inappropriately, tell your principal immediately and make sure she hotlines him.

[Reader Rabbit]

27. His behavior sounds like classic pedophile "grooming."

As a mandatory reporter, call social services, or whoever handles reports in your area, and describe the situation to them. They may be able to give you advice or suggestions. If possible, ask them to document your fears and suspicions.

Let your principal know what you are going to do beforehand, though. Tell her you are doing it so that there can be some documentation on file, so that when the *#$^ hits the fan with this situation, you are covered. That might inspire her to do her job, instead of allowing you to do it for her.

[madeline_con]

28. This is inappropriate behavior, MUST be reported.

The guys' kid should be able to have lunch somewhere ALONE with dad, but that's the extent of allowable contact.

Talk to the admin immediately!

[erinlough]

30. I went to the administration

and they sent him a letter to the effect that he can come to see his own child only and may not stay at the girls lunch. I am out of this and I feel it is being taken care of safely. I want to thank all of you for the advice. I considered it all, even the reporting to higher authorities. As always I come here for the smartest advice and I haven't been let down yet.

Thanks Again

[GeneCosta]

31. Ask for the name of these girls...

Then call their parents and inform them of such behavior. The problem should be resolved.