Nick Burns Blasted by Community for Writing “Why Bi Guys Aren’t For Me"

[Ian David]

6/6/2005
Nick Burns Blasted by Bi Community for Writing “Why Bi Guys Aren’t For Me”
Filed under:

* Inclusivity

— Sheeri @ 3:32 pm

This article originally appeared at http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=4038 and is recreated here for context purposes only. It was first noticed on May 25th. Many bisexual activists complained, and the article disappeared around June 1st. Following the article is a series of letters and responses from bisexual activists. As of this writing, MSN has pulled the article and promised more bisexual-friendly content. POZ magazine does not acknowledge any action needs to be taken on their part — Nick Burns is an assistant editor and signed such at the bottom of the article.

This article also sparked interest in a few other places:

More:
http://biresource.org/109#more-109

[Rowdyboy]

1. Thanks for posting this.....

The main link is broken but you can read the article through the bottom link for more information.

I find no disagreement with his reasoning. I spent WAY too many years chasing straight/bi men. I'm sure there are exceptions, but its simply not worth the trouble of smoking them out.

I don't mean to be critical of bisexuals. I'm simply saying that, for me, they were not the answer. In fact, they often caused many, many problems.

Try having a female fiance pulling a pistol on you, then later coming to your workplace to "talk". I'll stay on my side of the fence from now on....

[Boomer]

3. Give me a break

>> Try having a female fiance pulling a pistol on you <<

The issue here is NOT bisexuality, it's non-monogamy. Anyone who claims being bi means "I get one of each" is just seeking permission to be greedy.

If you enter into an open relationship, the actual gender of the participants involved is irrelevant to the jealousy quotient. It goes up unless everyone in the menage is really, really dedicated to the concept.

My partner is bi, which simply means that before our relationship she was with a guy. During our 15-year relationship she has been with me, and only me, because we're both committed to a monogamous relationship. She doesn't have any other partners -- male or female -- and neither do I. If we break up, there's a close to even chance her next partner will be male rather than female, and a pretty sure thing that mine will be female. So?

[Rowdyboy]

4. Of course not , and it was never my intent to imply that it was...

I spoke of a specific situation. So did you. I'm very happy that you guys have managed to forge a solid relationship and hope that it lasts for decades. In no way would I ever disparage anyone's relationship. For Christ's sake, it took me 35 years to find my own partner. I would never deliberately trash anyone else.

If you were bothered by my reference to the woman who pulled a gun on me, I apologise. It really happened, and it truly scared the shit out of me, but its not whats important about the story. My point was that I screwed up by seeking out a heterosexual/bisexual partner when I sould have been looking for a gay guy.

[Boomer]

6. Ooops. Did I sound a bit cranky?

Sorry, I should know better than to post when I'm tired because I tend to sound edgier than I intended.

I didn't interpret your post as a slam against any relationship, mine or otherwise. And yes I was "bothered" by your reference to a woman who pulled a gun on you, just as I imagine YOU were bothered by going through it. That's scary shit.

But none of that has any bearing on the point I was trying to make.

>> I screwed up by seeking out a heterosexual/bisexual partner when I sould have been looking for a gay guy. <<

There's nothing inherently screwed up about having a bisexual partner -- as long as that partner doesn't equate bisexuality with an all-you-can-eat buffet lunch. There's no qualitative difference between a bi-guy who has a girl friend on the side and a gay guy who has a boyfriend on the side.

To my mind, the key issue is not that you were seeking out a het/bi guy; it was that the guy didn't commit to you or to his weapon-wielding fiancee. He wanted both -- and she seems to have objected to the arrangement.

[satyricrash]

2. --

Well, was the article called "Bisexuals are Horrible and Everyone Should Stay Away from Them", or was in fact the article run with the headline “Why Bi Guys Aren’t For <b>Me</b>”?

[Brian_Expat]

5. Runaway relationship facism

It seems someone is always around to tell you why what YOU want in a relationship, be it monogamy, a full-blown gay guy, someone of your nationality or economic status, etc. makes you a "bigot."

I seek monogamous, gay men who earn around what I do and are my nationality not because of bigotry but because of experience.

Monogamous? Because it's safer and it's just a value of mine.

Gay, not bi, because my dating experiences with bi men have ALWAYS ended up with the guy going back to women because society makes that the easy path.

Earn a decent wage but aren't super wealthy because I've dated guys without jobs who expect you to pay, guys who don't earn a lot who get angry when you buy them dinner or want to go out and do something, and guys who earn a lot more than you and have expectations around that.

My nationality (or perhaps EU or Australia/NZ) because if we do settle together, it's easy to move back to the US or Canada and not have to deal with visa discrimination in either country OR move to his country and get settled.

But there's always some prig waiting in the wings to "explain" why I'm racist, classist, sexist, nationalist, etc.

Well, by that logic every gay man is misogynistic, every straight man is homophobic, every lesbian hates men, every straight woman is homophobic, ad nauseum. I'm sure this poor guy is now regretting saying what he wants in his own relationship out loud, because the screechy mind-control patrol are on the warpath.

[Zhade]

7. More "you're not really queer" bi-hating.

No thanks. I get enough of that crap from straights.

[Meeker Morgan]

8. OK blast me.

If I take up with a bi guy, he might get married to a woman.

Sorry if that attitude makes me a Republican Fascist or something.

[sonicx]

9. bi's aren't monogamous?

[Zhade]

10. Yeah, and if you take up with a gay man, he might cheat on you.

Does it follow that all gay men are cheaters?