thinking of having a baby soon- any lesbian parents out there?

[geekgrrl]

My partner and I have been together for 8 years and want to have a baby/ I would be the one having the baby as my partner is slightly older than I am. I am a phd student hoping to get an academic job when I am done and I know the best time career-wise for me to have a child is when I am finished with coursework (that will be after this semester!) and working on my dissertation. So about 10 months to a year from now is what we are thinking. Maybe sooner.

I've looked around online for some lesbian pregnancy info and found some limited information. We know a lesbian couple here who have had a baby, but they went through fertility treatments and spent tons of money on that and frozen sperm. We don't have tons of money to spend (poor grad student thing still going on), and I am hoping I am very fertile and will be able to get pregnant easily. We've also heard that there are limited resources in terms of lesbians getting pregnant here in Madison (my gyno also kind of echoed this), but that's something I need to look into further.

We are hoping to have a wonderful friend of our donate sperm. He is basically asexual (doesn't date, just teaches and travels), and while he would have to give up his parenting rights, we would want him to be involved in the child's life as he is just a great person. We haven't *exactly* had this conversation with him though- we are in Madison, Wi and he is in NYC. He came to visit last fall and we kind of brought the topic up over drinks. He didn't say no- but we didn't have a very "serious" conversation about it either. And he lives far away, which might make it difficult. The other option would be to do frozen sperm, which would have to be shipped to a clinic here. That is much more expensive then, say, being in NYC and picking up sperm and trying to get pregnant like a friend of mine who lives there is doing. Maybe going there for a short weekend would be possible...

So, basically, it is this complex planning and cost of all this that is freaking us out. And I am finding myself slightly resentful of straight couples who are just easily able to get pregnant. I hate feeling that way. (I know their are straight couples who also have to plan their pregnancies and spend money on fertility and such.) We just want to have a child- how do others deal with all of the planning?

I'd love to hear from others who have gone through this!

[Caution]

1. I can't help but I have freinds in the same boat as you

and i'd really appreciate it if you were to write up your experiences and whatnot on how you eventually solved the problem (which I'm sure you will!) Oh and btw congratualtions on your decision.

[zalinda]

2. Here is some info

http://www.fertilityplus.org/faq/homeinsem.html and http://www.lesbian.org/moms/termin.htm There might be more out there, good luck.

zalinda

[WildClarySage]

3. Congratulations and good luck...

Congratulations on finding your life partner and being in agreement on raising a family... trust me, that is a huge step in and of itself. It sounds like your next step is to discuss your decision with the 'sperm donor' in question, give him time to consider it, and remember that pregnancy doesn't always happen on the first shot. It's taken my husband and I 10 years to finally get pregnant again (due in Jan!!!)

Is your Ob/Gyn pretty supportive? if not you want to take the time to find one who is. Take the time you need to make the proper arrangements before hand, but don't put it off indefinitely. Infertility can strike anyone, at any age, but can be especially more challenging as you get older.

Remember that pregnancy is hard on a body and don't expect to be 'up' to working on your dissertation (congrats on getting that far in your education, too!) every single day. I'm home today from work because of morning sickness (heh, morning... right) and exhausted from being up all night peeing. Funny how every part of your body gets bigger when you're pregnant except your bladder! lol

I do have a friend whose partner is expecting... it's their second pregnancy together and they're expecting twins. I imagine that there are a lot of morons out there who make it harder on them than raising a family ought to be, but I've never heard Missy complain. She's been a super mom and their son is a darling, well behaved child. Not to mention a kick-ass soccer player!

Anyway, best wishes to you both and I know I haven't really provided much by way of actual info, but if you need a bit of support, let me know.

[undergroundpanther]

4. my partner's sister and her girlfreind

have had a baby girl together. She's about 1 and a half now.
She's a cool kid and they are amazing moms,and it shows in how well adjusted thier kid is usuakly kids her age are getting to be a bigger pain in the arse than she is right now.(terrible twos)..They taught her this "baby sign language" so she can signal when she's hungry and other stuff.It works out really well I reccomend it.

http://www.mybabycantalk.com/

Seeing how they are with her it kinda makes me wish I had them as MY parents,since my mother married such an asshole and my homelife sucked and my parents had so many hangups.
Anyways they have both adopted her so they are both her parents legally. Can't get married in Maryland but they have been living together for over 10 years,or at least as long as I have been with my partner.