Gay and shafted again.

[donco6]

So I had to go to a retreat this weekend. I hate these things. We spend money to go to some hotel where we knock around some dumbass halfbaked agenda for 8 hours, then go out to dinner together and hash out other stuff, then go to bed and do it all again on Sunday. Ugh. We can do this at home, IMO. But anyway, I get to dinner, and everyone has a spouse there . . . but me. Even though my partner and I have been together for 13 years, it's no free dinner for him. Fuckers. I was so fucking pissed all night. Still am.

[bbinacan]

1. Were non married

companions of heterosexuals offered a free dinner?

[donco6]

3. Yes. One of the board members is not married.

And what the hell does that have to do with it?

[bbinacan]

6. And was this board member's

hetero partner given a free dinner. As to my question, I'm trying to see if there's a double standard here. So RELAX.

[donco6]

7. EVeryone there received a free dinner

And I'm not even lying or anything.

[dsc]

5. That isn't remotely the same thing

an unmarried heterosexual couple has chosen not to show commitment while an unmarried gay one is banned from doing so.

[targetpractice]

2. Are you out at work? n/t

[donco6]

4. Yes.

And my partner works there too.

[targetpractice]

8. Were you explicitly told not to bring your partner?

Did you ask? Or, did you feel uncomfortable about bringing him?

I've been in the same situation... For years... I would discuss this subject in job interviews... I'd ask a prospective employer if my partner would be welcome at a holiday party, for example.

I'm embarrassed to admit that in recent job hunting I've not brought this up... due to the economy... I'm compromising my principles. :-(

Upon edit: I re-read you original post... kinda seems like you didn't get a plus one invite, or, were left in the dark about inviting spouses and partners.

[donco6]

10. I wasn't even aware it was an option.

But obviously, everyone else was. I was embarrassed and humiliated to show up and be the only stag, when everyone there knew good and well that I had a partner of many years. We've donated money to the fucking Foundation and been recognized together on stage, fer Chrissakes.

[targetpractice]

11. You are owed an apology and an explanation...

Maybe it was an oversight... or not. If you bring it up, maybe you'll be satisfied with by an apology or explanation... You shouldn't need to, of course.

You work for a non-profit foundation? I've mostly experienced non-profit organizations to be more open-minded and progressive... the non-religious ones.

[wtmusic]

9. That's cold-blooded.

WTF is it with people...do they actually want to harrass the employees of their own company? What does a f*cking dinner cost?

Now I'm pissed too.

[mitchtv]

12. out fucking rageous

Sometimes Straits don't even know they're doing it. I would say something mean.

[Rowdyboy]

13. "Wish I'd known spouses were welcome. Dan/Bill/Joe and I will assume that he's invited from now on

Bitches....

[Behind the Aegis]

14. Sounds like a "sin of omission."

Not to stereotype all heterosexuals, but I have found they often do not think about us. They don't understand we don't always have the same social cues. Also, sounds if they didn't make it clear "plus 1's" were included. Others have some good suggestions. I am sorry this happened to you.

(As an aside, to see how clueless some people are...I worked for a university and they set homecoming on Rosh Hashana (Jewish New Year). Several students and groups, and alum, were upset. It was brought before our department and the big muckie-mucks decided on a plan, offered it, and it was accepted by the Homecoming committee. The told us in a staff meeting: the university would offer a special "pig-picking" (this was in NC) the following Saturday. I started laughing so hard I almost wet myself. When they finally got me to stop laughing, I stood up and said to the head of the department and dean of students: "you people are a PR nightmare! The level of ignorance in this room is so high I couldn't do anything but laugh. You are offering a "pig-picking" to a group of people who don't eat pork on YOM KIPPOR, the holiest of days, outside of the Sabbath, and this Yom Kippor is ON the Sabbath for a holiday in which we fast! Great going! What's next? Fried Chicken and watermelon for Black History month?! (Which happened the following year...no kidding!))

Moral: Some people are just fucking idiots and should be educated; though sometimes a little shame goes a long way.

[Tim01]

15. Do you think this was deliberate?

If not, then why didn't they get the word to you?
Are they normally approving of gay couples?

Even the hard gun-guys I always hang with would be sure to tell me to bring a boyfriend if I was gay. They would tease me unmercifully, and some would certainly cross the line, but they would do the right thing and let me know I could bring my boyfriend. To not tell me would be so rude as to indicate I was not even wanted around.


I can understand you being pissed. I would be fucking furious. It pisses me off just reading about it.

[nubile newbie]

16. You have love and that is worth all the free Vulveeta Cheeze macaroni dinners

in the world. Count your blessings.