Homophobia at DU?

[BeeBee]

I have been around here for over a year--and as a member since November of 2004. I don't post very often, just when moved to do so. Yesterday there was a discussion titled "Santorum loses it on the Brian Leher Show..."
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=104&topic_id=4261784

In it, there was a quote from Santorum that "gay sex is never consensual." I responded "Don't tell my husband!"

Yes, I was trying to be funny, but, as a gay man in a 14 year relationship, I was also trying to point out the hypocrisy and stupidity of the statement.

Well, one member of DU found it necessary to PM me with the following message:

"Jeeze, I understand your life style--------- but for fuck sakes, your male partner will never be a "husband". OK????"

My question is how do you respond to something like this? Or is it better to just put that person on ignore? How do you deal with people like this one?

Thanks! BeeBee

[Goldmund]

1. You PM Skinner or one of the other admins

If that doesn't mean this person doesn't hold progressive ideals, I don't know what does.

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

2. There are assholes everywhere.

I'd suggest putting them on ignore. Alert the mods. They might be a freeper lurking around here - we can't get them all, you know.

If it really happened, I apologize.

[best left blank]

3. Out them.

Seriously.

[Deja Q]

4. As a gay man who is easily felt hurt by others' comments,

I find no malice in "Jeeze, I understand your life style--------- but for fuck sakes, your male partner will never be a "husband". OK????".

"Partner" as a designation is entirely acceptable.

It's just a word that describes the status of two people. Just as how "husband" or whatever would be. It's not meant to describe a person in a positive or negative way.

[BeeBee]

9. Thanks, I don't really care about designations either

but I do think there was malice intended. Otherwise, he wouldn't have taken the trouble to PM me, he would have just replied to the post.

[Puzzler]

5. One thing you can tell him...

... is that he can be you husband in my country.

(Canada)

-P

[sui generis]

6. right here, right now

jeez for fuck's sakes, why would that idiot care?

I'm not going to pull any punches here. The male spouse in a marriage is referred to as the husband. That makes both men in a marriage, lawful or otherwise, 'husbands'.

And to "for fuck's sake", take note here: we're not asking your fucking permission to call ourselves human.

Husband is also a role. Some of us are husbands AND fathers. Mr. Fuck's Sakes, perhaps you have an opinion on whether we can also be fathers?

I understand that some dems are writing from the sticks or from some bass ackwards province in rural bumfuck, and are therefore less "exposed" to a wider cross section of humanity. Take it all in - there is nothing here about us that requires your judgement or impacts your personal life.

Rule of Thumb: If you feel the need to PM something negative to somebody rather than say it in public, your instinct is right: it's wrong.

[BeeBee]

10. Thanks sui generis

I knew I could count on you to not pull any punches.

[givemebackmycountry]

7. Don't let a single PM from one member steer you wrong

This is a very tolerant and accepting community.
At least that's my experience.

There are always going to be one or two, or ten or twenty, who may have a different mindset.

The quote by dickhead Santorum, is the real kicker here.

Last I looked, ANY sex that involves a male needs something to happen that is indeed highly consensual.

It's called an erection!

Your male partner can be anything you and he want him to be.

Husband or wife, who cares.

After 14 years, you have nothing to prove to anybody.
You both obviously have things together.

And for that, I tip my hat to both of you!




:hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi:

[Beaver Tail]

8. I would put them on Ignore if I were you

Unfortunately it takes quite a while to change the mid set of people who do not believe gay marriage should be permitted. My mother for example would never support gay marriage (wouldn’t she sh*t if she ever found out I attended a gay marriage). If you try to “change their mind” you just may end up banging your head against the wall.

[best left blank]

11. Is this one of those...

"You can't call him husband because I (am or have) a husband that I really don't want to be confused with a gay" deals? I don't get it.

[BeeBee]

12. I appreciate everyone's input...

I feel better now. I have always enjoyed my time here and am not really thin skinned but was surprised that someone would react that way. I think I'll just put him on ignore and alert the mods.

Thanks again.

BeeBee

[davidinalameda]

13. they PM'ed you?

that borders on harassment to me

I'd forward the PM to a moderator and let them deal with it--I would put that person on ignore as well

I wouldn't respond to the PM because that's just asking for more of these "enlightened" PMs

yes, I've seen homophobia on DU, especially right after the last election when some of our so-called party leaders (DiFi) blamed the gay marriage issue on Bush winning.

[kbm8795]

14. Hon...you respond right back with the statement

You mean. . ."my husband will never be YOUR husband."

[Midlodemocrat]

15. Per DU rules

Please do not call out other members. If you feel that a PM you received was inappropriate, please alert on it and allow the moderators to deal with it.

Thank you.


DU Moderator.