Coming Out in Middle School

[La Lioness Priyanka]

By BENOIT DENIZET-LEWIS
Published: September 23, 2009

Austin didn’t know what to wear to his first gay dance last spring. It was bad enough that the gangly 13-year-old from Sand Springs, Okla., had to go without his boyfriend at the time, a 14-year-old star athlete at another middle school, but there were also laundry issues. “I don’t have any clean clothes!” he complained to me by text message, his favored method of communication.

When I met up with him an hour later, he had weathered his wardrobe crisis (he was in jeans and a beige T-shirt with musical instruments on it) but was still a nervous wreck. “I’m kind of scared,” he confessed. “Who am I going to talk to? I wish my boyfriend could come.” But his boyfriend couldn’t find anyone to give him a ride nor, Austin explained, could his boyfriend ask his father for one. “His dad would give him up for adoption if he knew he was gay,” Austin told me. “I’m serious. He has the strictest, scariest dad ever. He has to date girls and act all tough so that people won’t suspect.”

Austin doesn’t have to play “the pretend game,” as he calls it, anymore. At his middle school, he has come out to his close friends, who have been supportive. A few of his female friends responded that they were bisexual. “Half the girls I know are bisexual,” he said. He hadn’t planned on coming out to his mom yet, but she found out a week before the dance. “I told my cousin, my cousin told this other girl, she told her mother, her mother told my mom and then my mom told me,” Austin explained. “The only person who really has a problem with it is my older sister, who keeps saying: ‘It’s just a phase! It’s just a phase!’ ”

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/27/magazine/27out-t.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1&hp




very interesting read

[FLAprogressive]

1. K&R -- pretty courageous to come out in middle school in Oklahoma no less!

[stuball111]

2. I remember my cousin coming out to me...

He was 35 or so, and very nervous. My sister had told me beforehand though, so I had a heads up. He invited me for lunch one day,so I was prepared. Being very close to him, I thought up all kinds of responses, like feigned surprise, shock, whatever, just to play a joke. But when he said, "I have to tell you something", and saw the nervousness, I just went with my honest feelings and after he told me, I just said, "Look, you are still my favorite cousin, and one of my best friends, I love you just as much now as before... this changes nothing." Much to his relief, and told him I already knew. The fact is, it didn't change a thing for me, except that when hanging out with him we had to frequent the odd gay bar, which was fine, and we joked that me, being a hetro construction worker who's co-workers would shit if they knew I was dancing in a gay bar comfortable in my own sexuality, I'd probably be shunned and beat up just for associating in that environment! It's just so sad that people can't tolerate and don't understand that people are people, no matter what their sexuality is. Now, the ones who are in the abusive, molestation, and preditory category are not anywhere near what my cousin is, and this is so often misinterpreted as being gay. I think that's where these christian right morons are dangerously misinformed. That's why the Matthew Shephards of the world suffer and die because of this evil agenda they spout. Or any other anti-gay rhetoric for that matter.

[iris27]

3. It's so awesome that these kids have such a comparatively open and accepting

environment from what many of us experienced growing up. (Only comparatively, of course - there's still quite a way to go.)

"Kera says she was 10 when she realized she was interested in both sexes. “It was confusing for a while, because for some reason I thought that you had to be straight or gay, and that you couldn’t be both,” she told me at the coffee shop. “So I thought about it a lot, like I do about everything, and I went online and looked up bisexuality to read more about it. I realized that was me.”

And hooray for the internet. It took me 6 years of thinking about it before I realized I wasn't a freak for simultaneously crushing on both members of the 'most popular couple' in my 7th grade class.

[Meldread]

4. ROFL.

“I told Austin he could go if either me or his dad went with him,” she recalled. “So he chose his dad, probably because he knew it would be the thing his dad would want to do least in the world. But off they went, and I give my husband credit, because he will do anything for his son. He doesn’t totally understand why Austin is gay, or how he can know for sure at his age, but he’s trying to be there for him. And he’s rarely seen Austin happier than at the parade. Austin warned his dad, ‘You can’t get mad at me when I scream at cute guys in Speedos!’ And boy, did Austin scream. He was in gay teenage heaven.”

I can't even imagine that taking place. Openly gawking at cute guys in speedos when I was 14 years old? With my father standing next to me, no less? Yeah, that totally didn't happen for me. I was too busy praying each and every night to be changed into a bi-sexual so I could pretend to be straight. I am totally envious of Austin. ;) It makes me almost wish I could re-live my youth to recapture everything I missed out on... it's so depressing to think back on it, but I'm happy for those who are up and coming now.

...and is it just me, and I've noticed this before I read this article, but does anyone else here notice a ton of girls out there now claiming to be bi-sexual? It makes me wonder how many of them are really straight, but claim to be bi-sexual because it's "kewl" and it's something that they think boys might find attractive. I think there is at least some of that going on, but part of me hopes they're all being 100% honest.

That means in the future we could see more guys openly identifying as bi-sexual, which is a real plus for me as a single gay man. :P

I mean, as any gay guy can tell you, there are tons and tons of guys out there who identify as "straight" but operate on the "downlow" with other guys. It'd be nice if they could just come out and admit that they're bi and move on with their lives, and stop being scumbags sneaking around behind the backs of their wives.

[iris27]

7. As a bisexual 'girl' (but w/gender issues like whoa), that stereotype drives me

up the wall. That girls are ID-ing as bi to be popular/cool, or the whole "women's sexuality is more fluid" crap. My identity is not a ploy for male attention. Not saying you were saying that in the slightest, Meldread, but I've def. heard it from others in the past.

I too hope that more guys start to identify openly as bi. My husband is bi too and is a LOT more quiet about it than I am, because he feels like his job would be at risk.

I liked the Speedo quote too...I can't imagine having been able to open squeal over cute people of the opposite gender, much less the same gender!

[Meldread]

8. Yeah, I didn't mean that at all.

I also have seen that stereotype thrown around as well. What really drives me up the wall when it comes to bi-related stereotypes is how some bi-folk are treated in the LGBT community. Some gay folk act like it's a war, and bi's have to pick a side. I can't stand that mentality.

That being said, when I was typing my post I was thinking about certain stunts done by popular celebrities (such as the Madonna and Brittany kiss)... and the fact that it seems so "kewl" for straight guys to be into two women having sex. Thus, I am certain that SOME of the girls are acting bi to gain the attention of guys.

My personal views on sexuality is that I think it's pretty fluid. Human nature tends toward bi-sexuality to varying degrees, and the rest is shaped by culture and innate biological mechanisms. Which would explain why we've yet to find a gay gene. Which means that if we were able to go back in time to discover primitive humans before they even developed language or culture we'd probably see a lot of screwing regardless of gender.

I tend to view sex as a bonding ritual among humans, in part due to the biological factors that take place during and after sex, and because humans seem predisposed to having sex for more than simple procreation. Too many people forget that despite our place on the planet and all of our achievements that we are still animals.

[imdjh]

5. And three cheers for the two guys who run the teen groups.

Even today, most gay men over (let's say 25) would think twice about involving themselves with gay youth. There are still plenty of people out there to accuse, and we know how easy it is for the public to believe the worst. We see it here on DU.

Which is not to steal the applause from these kids. I've known gay men who were in the closet in San Francisco. Not born-there gay men (but those too), gay men who moved there and were still in the closet. What THE FUCK? Gay men in LA who are in the closet. Gay men in NY in the fucking fashion industry who are in the closet. What is this? A game? And these kids aren't in the closet.

I think the parents get some applause too.

[sspeilbergfan90]

6. It's almost impossible. Believe me.

[beyurslf]

9. My son came out in 6th grade. He has dated boys only.

Ad everyone knows. We live in KS. Most young people don't have a major problem with it. I wouldn't say all the boys are accepting but they just think it is weird and don't want to be bothered.