Why do you dislike me?

[WillParkinson]

Mr. & Mrs. American, I have a question to ask of you...

What is it about me, a person you don't know, that makes you dislike me?

I work hard. I pay taxes (and lots of them). My job includes serving the needs of many people, rather much like yourself. I recently got an award for outstanding customer service because I take responsibility for meeting your needs when you stay with us.

I have 3 dogs and 4 cats, all rescued from shelters, because I believe that all creatures great and small deserve to be in a loving home.

Me included. You see, I've been with one person...one man, for 22 years. Next year we are going to make it legally binding.

Oh, that's what bothers you? That I love another man? Could you tell me why? And, please, tell me how it affects you directly. I don't want to hear about your religion because I know many people who are able to think critically and move beyond what they believe their religion says.

So you fear it will affect your family? It will influence your children? I was born into a heterosexual home. Never knew another gay person until I moved out. Yet I still am gay. My parents did nothing to "turn me" or any other things you might have heard. I just am what I am. Just as you are what you are.

Is that it? Is that all you really have? So you're sure it's not just ignorance that you insist on foisting onto the rest of the world? I've seen you in video. Screaming at the top of your lungs. Telling people that gays and lesbians are sick. Deserve to die. Should not be protected.

And then you have the nerve to call yourself a loving and compassionate person.

Now that you know a bit about me and I know a bit about you, I have to ask one last thing....

What is it that you really hate? Me, because it forces you to see that I am just like everyone else? Or yourself because you know you're just feeding on your anger and hatred of yourself?

Thank you for your time Mr. & Mrs. American. I hope this was as enlightening for you as it was for me.

[orpupilofnature57]

1. This is the other Mr. & Mrs America and we love you ,thats why we've vacationed

with you for thirty years ,had you as our heroes and respect your courage to endure & tolerate ignorance.

[av8rdave]

2. Because, unfortunately...

Much like universal health care, Mr. & Mrs. American have had a lifetime of rumors, half truths, outright lies and scare tactics about you rammed down their throats by parents, teachers, clergy, the media and politicians.

Sadly, many among the ranks of Mr. & Mrs. America are stupid/gullible enough to believe it.

[WillParkinson]

3. Thank you AV8rDave...

When I was reading the replies I had 5 recs. When I finished it dropped to 4.

Guess Mr. & Mrs. American are here at DU as well. Willing to remove a recommendation, but too cowardly to say why.

[bobbolink]

44. Which is exactly WHY the unrec feature is wrong. It often has to do with discrimination and

prejudice.

Neither of which has a place on a "progressive" website.

[Scruffy1]

31. It's just fascisms way

Simple. If you can keep the populace divided along cultural,racial and class lines a small minority can keep control. It's worked for a long time. The church has always been the instrument to maintain the status quo. That is religion merely echoes whatever was in place and places its "eternal values" spin on it. We all have biases, but once we realize it we can face up to it and work on it.

[av8rdave]

33. well put!

[DissedByBush]

41. I knew a gay naval aviator in Dallas

Is that you?

[av8rdave]

48. No, that's not me...thanks for asking though

While in the Dallas area, I'm ex Air Force and boringly straight.

[DissedByBush]

49. And thanks for serving

If you can call sitting cushy in the Air Force "serving."

Juuuuuust kidding.

Army Gulf War vet. Seeing A10s flying over towards the enemy was a very comforting sight. Our job on the ground would have been a lot harder without you guys.

[av8rdave]

55. I was fortunate enough to serve in peace time, so

my service was most certainly cushy compared to yours!

And thanks for YOUR service!

[Ozymanithrax]

4. They dislike and fear you because they are told to in church, at home, in the school yard...

You are the butt of every joke with a weak man as the punch line.

What everyone percieves as your traits have been dreided as negative (limp wrist, light in the loafer, "that is so gay"). The list is damn near endless and entirely inaccurate.

You are made a cultural icon for everything that is un-American, un-human, un-manly (add you own un here.)

Our culture has been built around belitteling you.

Addressing Mr. and Mrs. American will not win you anything. What must be adress is the cultural sterreotype that everyone sees printed over your face.

That will take time.

[BlooInBloo]

5. Pfft. Like Americans need a reason to hate.

:P

[RKP5637]

13. Good Point - Good Old American Hatred - I've watched it building since my youth decades ago.

When I was young decades ago, Americans used to seem to me at least to work together for the betterment of all... most of the time, for some things. Today, I see Americans dwelling on hatred...

Now, hate mongers in American seem to get all of the attention... a lot of it I blame on the media recognizing tabloid news sells and enriching their cost centers to P&L centers... bashing in American has become a popular sport.

Meanwhile, as Americans sit around bashing each other, the rest of the countries for the most part are preparing and moving into the 21st century. Gays are another popular sport to bash by many people.

If the US does not get a grip on itself it will not be around for the duration... it will be bypassed by the rest of the countries... Certainly gays fair much better today than decades ago, but I do think the hatred of gays by many Americans for stupid reasons will persist for sometime. Others in their posts have already mentioned the ridiculous reasons many Americans hate gays... and some Americans seem to hate everything, anymore.

[NorthCarolina]

25. An Unfortunate Legacy of Post Reagan GOP Influence on this nation

PLUS...religious organizations have found that the promise of sanctioned "guilt-free" hate against (pick a minority) is a much better fundraiser than promoting compassion.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

6. I will never understand why so many people worry so much about

the sex lives of total strangers. I sometimes ask this question of the haters, and the response is usually something like: "It's just WRONG, that's why!" And then we get into an argument about why it's "wrong," which always devolves back to religion and at that point it becomes hopeless. And I'm told I must be gay, or why would I be defending them. And I explain that I'm not; I just don't think other people's personal lives are any of my business; they should not be any of anyone else's business, and most certainly not the government's business. People should be free to associate with (and marry) anyone they please.

And no, your same-sex relationship does not harm or affect my hetero relationships in the slightest. I have even heard the rather insane argument that same-sex marriage should be prohibited because if those men weren't marrying each other they would marry women like they're supposed to, and thereby not deprive single women of spouses. Well, duh. If a guy is gay he's probably not going to marry me anyhow.

:eyes:

My closing argument in these cases is that if the very worst thing you can find to say about someone is that they are gay, they are doing pretty damn well. Certainly they are better people than the assholes who hate them.

Hang in there. Times are changing, and eventually the haters will give up and die off.

[Cirque du So-What]

7. K & R

and FWIW, your rec is now +6.

My wife and I have no problem with you. We don't feel the least bit threatened by the prospect of same-sex marriage, which won't detract from our relationship one jot or tittle.

[orpupilofnature57]

8. 2nd

[polichick]

9. They're afraid. k&r

[ginnyinWI]

10. because differences are very threatening.

Those differences are threatening to anyone whose life is so small that all they've got are the narrow values their parents passed on to them. They have to feel superior based on so very, very little. So someone comes along and says in effect, "I can live without believing and acting as you do" and it's too much--they must lash out at the threat.

Homophobia and racism are the same thing: if all you've got in your miserable little life is that you are white and heterosexual, you want to beat anyone up who acts like you aren't really superior because of it.

[Happyhippychick]

11. But...but... they all have best friends who are teh gay!

And the answer to your question is because they are afraid. They fear anything different.

[Christa]

12. I know talk is cheap

But those who don't like you don't deserve your friendship.

:pals:

As a married middle aged woman I can honestly say that every woman needs a gay friend, preferably a few. I have had some of the best times of my life with mine.




♫

[JaneFordA]

30. What Christa wrote!

Times a zillion! :-)

[hlthe2b]

14. Unless you are a rabid fomenting RW hypocrit, who wants to

dismantle the constitution, take rights away (or restrict them) from all groups other than your own, redistribute all resources to the already uber wealthy, exploit and bastardize religion for your own selfish and bigoted ends, I have no problem with you or anyone else.

[SallyMander]

15. Congratulations on your upcoming marriage

:toast:

The fact that your relationship (of 22 years!!!) doesn't "count," somehow, when a drunk straight couple in Vegas can meet and get legally hitched 20 minutes later, is so unjust as to be completely nauseating.

Your post was lovely and right-on and i wish you and your soon-to-be husband many more years of happiness! :hug:

[Ruby the Liberal]

21. +1

And thanks to you and your partner for taking care of those who needed you the most.

:toast:

[Patchuli]

43. Welcome to DU Ruby!

Love your avatar!

:hi:

[Ruby the Liberal]

47. Thanks - on both counts!

[dickthegrouch]

16. I know! I know!

If the folklore is to be believed, most kids 'experiment' with someone of the same sex somewhere between 8 and 12 years old. Their indoctrination against continuing that experimentation starts around the same time, although the two may not be directly linked.

I believe the most vehement haters are the ones who most enjoyed those experimentations and are taught to be terrified that they will get stuck in the behavior if they don''t repudiate it at every possible opportunity.

Thus self loathing and anti-gay hatred are a perpetual vicious cycle. Just like domestic violence or poverty.

This is also a good rationalization for why the haters are so convinced that Gay or Lesbian is so attractive and compelling. Which is a constant part of their drumbeat: If their kids even see anything gay, they'll be converted :sarcasm:. They know this because of personal experience, heredity and their own inherent feelings.

Societies where homosexuality is not such a demonized condition (Thailand, Philippines, Greece, etc.) don''t make anywhere near such a big deal about those experimentations.

I am reminded of the very sensible mother in the movie "http://www.sonypictures.com/classics/mavieenrose">Ma Vie en Rose". If only more people could be like her.

[Berry Cool]

17. Three simple reasons:

1. Someone, somewhere, in some church told them not to like you because they interpreted a Bible passage or two to mean that what you do is evil. They have believed it ever since.

2. They think about the mechanics of how you have sex, and it squicks them out.

3. They can't imagine what it must be like to be you because they don't want to. They are afraid to stand in your shoes for even a second, because they might have to come to terms with aspects of themselves that they don't want to, because then THEY would be hated and feared and believed evil.

That's it, in a nutshell. I dearly wish it were otherwise, but our country hasn't evolved that far yet.

[malmapus]

18. It's easy....you have cats.

But I can't speak either because my wife has had cats, ergo I have them too *sigh*. Guess I'm a self loathing cat hater =D.

[imdjh]

19. Straight women don't trust men, and straight men are both fascinated by and afraid of anal sex.

[imdjh]

20. Straight men frequently speak like we're getting away with something.

They think we get to have sex any time we want. We don't have to worry about community property. And that even when we are in committed relationships, it's with men who aren't moody, who know how to argue, who don't pout or carry grudges, etc....

[gauguin57]

22. Here's to Mister and Mister American. Congrats on your 22 years together, and your big step next yr.

This Ms. American admires you for your long-standing commitment to each other, and wishes some of these Mr. and Mrs. Americans would quit thumping their bibles long enough to realize what being Christian means (and mind their own damned business!)

[fasttense]

23. There is something wholly wrong with a society that demonizes love

and glorifies hate.

We are to think that the love you feel for your man is somehow horrible, yet the hate and ugly racism we see in the Tea-bagging demonstrations is patriotic and admirable.

I'll stand with love every time.

[Lerkfish]

24. I'm the OTHER mr. america

the one who likes you just fine.

[teewrex]

26. The ones who hate you the most are the ones who

could most likely become you and that scares them shitless

[OneBlueSky]

27. you've got to be carefully taught to hate . . .

from the South Pacific song of the same name . . .

"You’ve got to be taught to hate and fear.
You’ve got to be taught from year to year.
It’s got to be drummed in your dear little ear.
You’ve got to be carefully taught!

“You’ve got to be taught to be afraid
of people whose eyes are oddly made,
and people whose skin is a different shade.
You’ve got to be carefully taught.

“You’ve got to be taught before it’s too late,
before you are six or seven or eight,
to hate all the people your relatives hate.
You’ve got be carefully taught!”

Bigotry is something ‘you have to be carefully taught’
By Hardy Haberman, Flagging Left
Apr 23, 2009
2 young boys have recently committed suicide after enduring anti-gay bullying at school, and the fault lies in a society that teaches hate.
http://www.dallasvoice.com/artman/publish/article_11139.php

What these cases point to is the need to recognize that hatred can kill.

I know lots of people will say, it was the boy’s fault he died. After all, it was suicide. To them I can only say, until you have experienced being the target of a vile hatred so strong that it makes your every waking hour a nightmare, hold your tongue.

Parents, preachers and politicians are the real villains here. They are the ones who carefully teach their children to hate anyone different from themselves. They instill the prejudices well. They forget that their casual remarks often are taken as absolute truth by impressionable children.

Children sitting in a church listening to a preacher lambasting “sodomites” get a clear message. Children hearing politicians using anti-gay hatred as a talking point get the message.
Children hearing talk radio casually toss off death threats against LGBT people get the message. The message is clear: It’s OK to tease, taunt, abuse and even assault other kids who you suspect are gay, because the “moral authorities” in your life say it is God’s will.

I fear those “moral authorities” do not understand the fire they are playing with. As I heard my parents say over and over again, “Little pitchers have big ears.” They understood how impressionable kids are.

-more . . .

http://www.dallasvoice.com/artman/publish/article_11139.php

[pipi_k]

28. Ironic, isn't it?

You and your partner have been together longer than some people who are out there screaming and hollering about "protecting" marriage.

They cheat on each other. They lie. They hurt each other, physically and emotionally. They damage their childrens' lives. They get divorced and marry someone else. And then someone else. And maybe even someone else.

These are probably the very same people who think that marriage has to be saved from the likes of people who, because it's denied to them in many places, know the value of marriage and would probably treat the institution of marriage like it deserves to be treated.

I know the people we need to protect marriage from...it's the people who scream the loudest about it needing protection.

[Better Today]

29. Don't take it personally, it's a group thing. They also don't like other

groups like atheists, though knowing a few independent of the groups, seems just fine.

This is what I hear mostly. It isn't a personal thing, and I fear I can relate somewhat to it.

For example, I don't like Mormons or Catholics or Evangelists of any breed. If I could vote away their right to have tax exempt status, to own every hospital in the region, and other things, I would. But if I meet one at Starbucks while sharing the morning newspaper, no problem unless they start preaching.

[bertman]

32. I wish this lovely letter would be read by the people who need to read it. Sadly, it won't.

Rec and kick.

[hypocrisyandlies]

34. My brother in law is a Republican Legislator...

and he said in a speech given about same sex marriage: "It is wrong for one segment of society to restrict rights and freedoms from another segment of society. I believe many of you have had this conversation with your children. And children have listened, my generation, the twenty-somethings, and those younger than I understand this message of tolerance. And in 20 years, when they take the reigns of this government and all governments, society will see this issue overturned, and people will wonder why it took so long. My kids and grandkids will ask me, why did it take so long?"

I hope that it doesn't take 20 years for this country to wake up and give you the rights you deserve. Congratulations on your wedding! I hope you both have a terrific time on that day and a wonderful life together.

[Mimosa]

58. Gay rights has progressed further, faster...

Gay rights has progressed further, faster...than some of us who worked in the movement in the early 1970s had anticipated. Cultural change is infact generational.

The Republican legislator predicts well.

[Fearless]

35. Because we're different from the status quo and they fear change most of all.

On the positive side though, there is one present phenomenon that may deal this a serious blow in the next generation...

Albus Dumbledore was gay and Hermione Granger was a "mudblood".

How many kids have read those books? The future will be far brighter.

[undergroundnomore]

36. I hope that when

my nephew finds the one man that he can love forever, he will find a country that honors marriage and realizes that marriage is the celebration of love and commitment. I hope that our nation finally recognizes this soon.

[RKP5637]

38. If I could I would leave this country!

If I were young again I would leave America if it continues on this hatred of everyone and everything. What keeps me here is I know there are many good people left, but I have by doubts about the political direction of this country in years to come. There appears to be such a movement of pure hatred in this country under the name and banner of God. It is disgusting.

[WillParkinson]

59. Don't you know?

Some people like to hate and they are willing to find any excuse for it, even including their religion.

But we can't call them bigots or homophobes, because they are only carrying out the will of their gawd.

[winyanstaz]

37. I am another Mrs America and I don't hate you.

I don't feel its any of my business what consenting adults do in their own home as long as they are not hurting anyone. I am not gay, but I could care less what other adults' sex lives entail.
Where I grew up in the midwest..it was only the only ones that stuck their noses into other peoples sex lives that were called perverts.
I had two "aunties" that were called "little old maids" by the towns folks...and they were loved by everyone and yes, we all knew they were gay..and we didn't care.
They weren't really my aunts..they just babysat me and my brother and sisters sometimes.
When I see so called "Christians" claiming God is the reason that they hate...it makes me want to weep for them and for their victims.

[BillDU]

39. OOOOO Intercourse the penquin

The concept that you might characterize anti-gay attitudes as Mr. and Mrs America is something that I will object to.
Alot of Americans don't give a hoot in Hades who you screw.
That's not Mr. and Mrs America
That's Mr. and Mrs. Conservative
Seems to me they lost the last election.
They want their power back.
Maybe consider:
Stop approval seeking.

[ruggerson]

40. Is your relationship with your wife reduced to "who you screw?"

I didn't think so.

And nobody is seeking "approval."

What we are doing is demanding our equal share of citizenship.

Demanding, meaning there is no alternative. This is a fight we will eventually win.

As to your general tone - don't worry, you'll fit right in here with a certain crowd.

[BillDU]

42. Good Will

"Mr. & Mrs. American, I have a question to ask of you...

What is it about me, a person you don't know, that makes you dislike me?"

Obviously somebody is seeking approval.

I commend you on your demanding equal share of citizenship.

You'll find you have alot more energy at the end of the day if you stop approval seeking.

People who hate you and are against you are never going to approve of you no matter what.

I'm sure you'll fit in with a certain crowd also.
Don't we all.
Someday maybe you'll join us.

[ruggerson]

45. It's in your head - no one is seeking your approval

I frankly don't give a shit how bigoted you may or may not be on this issue. What you think of my family is YOUR issue, not mine.

I do however demand that I receive the exact same rights and privileges from my government that you do.

Nothing more, nothing less.

[BillDU]

46. PPPPleaase

Oh God?
When will you stop seeking my approval?

[WillParkinson]

50. Dear Bill....

You don't know me either, yet you assume that you know what I'm seeking.

I don't give a fig if a person likes or dislikes me. I do seek to understand the roots of prejudice and ignorance. Only by knowing them can we best formulate a way to deal with them.

[BillDU]

51. Sorry

Dear WillBowden
I quote you
"What is it about me, a person you don't know, that makes you dislike me?"
I don't want to answer that question because I know your not approval seeking so there is no answer to that question unless you were.
Bullshit Baby.

[WillParkinson]

52. Rhetorical Question

"A rhetorical question is a figure of speech in the form of a question posed for its persuasive effect without the expectation of a reply (ex: "Why me?")<1> Rhetorical questions encourage the listener to think about what the (Often obvious) answer to the question must be. When a speaker states, "How much longer must our people endure this injustice?", no formal answer is expected. Rather, it is a device used by the speaker to assert or deny something."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rhetorical_question

[Name removed]

54. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[sui generis]

53. I don't identify myself this way Will

Maybe teH Texas is finally turning my monstrous ego into a caricature of itself, but the only thing I demand of Mr. & Mrs. American is that they accept me. Everything else is gravy, and if they DON'T accept me I want them to be bold enough to get in my face instead of hiding behind their church, or their "buhleeefs" or "tradition" or anything else.

There are PLENTY of people that I dislike without regard to their sexual orientation, but I accept all of them as having as much right to be here as the grass and the stars.

[WillParkinson]

56. Yes...

Not everyone is like that. I've met some awesome people on DU who were not limited with an inability to accept things that pulled them out of their comfort zone. It's these people who keep me here! :-)

[Name removed]

57. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.