|
Coming out as bi in your situation I'd say is harder than coming out as gay due to bi stereotypes. Gay men are painted as molest-the-children types, which is bad if you have or work with children. However, bisexual men are painted as serial cheaters who can't stay monogamous.
Of course, anyone who bothers to use even the tiniest part of their brain would see that for the ridiculousness that it is: why would being attracted to both sexes make ANYONE more likely to cheat who wouldn't already cheat with someone of the opposite sex? Ultimately, I think it comes down to insecurities with individuals. When they hear someone is bisexual they immediately think: "Oh wow, I can never provide him / her with EVERYTHING they'd want and need." Of course, this is based upon the assumption that having attraction to / love for men is somehow different from having attraction to / love for women, and somehow where you stick the penis makes a big difference.
Hell, if we want to be honest, almost everyone has their little fetishes that their partner may or may not share - not to compare being gay to a fetish - but when it comes to sex it's ultimately irrelevant. That's the problem with how our society views being gay or bisexual. We don't view heterosexual relationships based upon sex, and don't measure them in sexual ways - why would we do such with same sex relationships?
Anyway, that's a bit more of a rant than I wanted. I wouldn't call my advice good, but this is the best I can give.
First, you need to come to terms with yourself. Really, that's what coming out is all about. You don't even need to tell people to "come out" in my opinion. It's about accepting and loving who you are as a person. Telling people is just being honest. So absolutely 100% you need to be fully accepting of who you are first. If you aren't, then being honest with others and accepting any criticism or hardship that may come will make it much more difficult for you.
Second, you need to be honest with your wife. She's the first person, or at least the second person that needs to know. The only exception here is if you have a REALLY, REALLY, REALLLLLLLLLLLLLY good friend (we're talking absolute best friends here) that you know will be supportive and provide a shoulder to lean on if you run into hard times. But she needs to be one of the top two. If she doesn't already know, she'll most likely have questions, concerns, and the like. You need to try and not take them personally. When you come out to close people, like family members, they sometimes can potentially go into a "me, me, me" syndrome. Instead of it being about you, and your feelings, it becomes about them and their feelings - they instantly begin to think about how it impacts them. This is not always the case, but you just need to mentally prepare for such a situation, just so you can keep a level head and help THEM work through THEIR issues. Hence, why it is important that you first come to terms and accept yourself completely... it's very hard to do the second part, should it become needed, when you're looking for acceptance / approval from others.
Third, after telling your wife and assuming she's accepting and understanding, moving forward becomes much easier. If you have children they're perhaps the next most difficult to tell. Not necessarily for the reasons you might think. Most people don't want to think about their parents sex lives, and hearing that daddy also likes men as well as women, isn't really something children like to picture - assuming they're old enough to understand anyway. It's about the equivalent of hearing your own father talk about the hotness of another woman.... or, perhaps worse, your own mother. :P
Ultimately, when it comes to telling your children, I'd only tell them if: A) It's important for your peace of mind. If you feel that, emotionally, you have to be honest with your children then absolutely tell them. B) If you have an open and honest relationship with your children, where you can talk about such issues without getting into the "ewww, gross" factor. Namely, this would most likely be any boys where you'd try and establish a relationship where you can talk about safe sex and the like... and generally, in this context, it's more along the lines of; "Hey, I'm bisexual, so if you're gay/bi as well, know that I'm totally cool with that and we have something in common so talk to me if you ever feel the need." I wouldn't put it EXACTLY like that, but more-or-less that's the context. :P If your children show anti-bi or anti-gay bias. It'd rock their world to hear that Daddy is bi-sexual, but you shouldn't have to sit there and listen to their bias, and it opens up a dialog to help them become more understanding of other people - including yourself.
Fourth, after the wife and kids know, it's parents then friends, then after that it's smooth sailing. Once you have the people you really care about behind you, it's like a giant weight has been lifted from your shoulders because you know you've not only accepted yourself, but that you're honest about who you are as well.
That's my advice. I wouldn't call it the best advice in the entire world, but it's how I'd handle being in your situation.
|