something horrible.

[undergroundpanther]

I met this transwoman years ago she came to Hearts and ears,and she seemed ok at first.She came in feminine clothes so I had sympathy for her,being transgender myself,but going through the transgender changes in reverse female to male..One day she asked me out,at that time I looked at her like she had two heads because I was married to my ex and she was married and had a daughter. She was much older than I and we had very little in common,We didn't listen to any of the same music,she didn't do art,she was not into any aspect of goth/punk/ alternative culture at all.She became a friend because she was,as far as I could tell transgender and she went to the peer run organizations I went to.. Over time she was excited when she got hormones showed me her bottle of estradol with 1 pill in it.She drove a cab for her job,so when I went to therapy and such I ran into her pretty often. She lived in my county. Sad part is she never really revealed much about herself or her life,her emotions,her past. She had 5 cell phones and was always unable to converse with anybody really.yet she claimed top know what was going on with everybody.She would complain about her wife.She said her wife could not handle her transgendered.This touch and go friendship went on for years.I didn't know she was doing this stalking of me through other people and observing me until I had relationship with another guy.It all began to escalate after that.One day at my therapists office she accosted me trying to kiss me as I came out of the bathroom.I backed away saying WTF are you doing???!! She stopped and apologized.Nobody else was in the hallway .I was triggered and almost attacked her.I saw red flags but being dissociative,it didn't register yet how disturbing she really was and I minimized the warnings.

Truth is She seemed to dabble in being transgender..She displayed no real physical changes after saying she was on estradol for 5 years A year after I met her she started hormones.She wore falsies, I thought it strange she still had no increase in breast development after 5 years.Always it was the same bottle with one pill in it..Either her gender therapist/and doctors were incompetent or something else was going on.
She wore masculine clothes most of the time,grew her hair out to shoulder length and once in a while wore small earrings.She never really became female,she didn't have a feminine demeanor either despite having her employers and the friends we have and the peer run supports were SUPPORTIVE of anyones transition. I saw her in feminine clothes three times in all the years I known her She didn't do it well she sat like a man,and did not seem feminine at all.She said she had a gender therapist and was doing the harry benjamin standards.But she never did a real life transition. Anything she has done was the bare minimum to seem transgender.I never doubted she was transgender until...

I got a call from rebecca saying she needed my help because she became homeless.She never called me despite having my number in the years I knew her.Because there was a nor-easter dumping insane amounts of rain,I decided to help her out. I took her into my home on a temporary basis so she could buy time to get new housing arrangements set up. She said her wife took her daughter and went somewhere with her and she had no clue where,yet she was on the cell phone with her.

She was upset but it seemed weird that she was more focused on flirting and trying to get with me during this crisis and bragging that her therapist would be in awe at how fast she found a place to live.I told her that staying at my place was TEMPORARY.. Something was wrong to me she seemed to lie and brag and ended up saying nothing about who she was. During her move in,rebecca only had 1 suitcase and two bags.She told me she was barred from the apartment complex where she lived. she asked my roommate and I to go back to where she lived to gather up anything outside for her.She had to get something at the library and she had to go to the post office while we got her stuff . Next morning it was sunny so we went there to pick up the stuff rebecca had asked us to find and pick up the things she gave to her neighbor to hold so her wife couldn't take it. 2 rather stained and scummy photo albums and a coffee pot. I was informed I was to ONLY ask for her things with her male name, Paul. This neighbor seemed nice and her place was clean and she was open minded..and had a stunningly beautiful cat, so I ended up talking cats with this neighbor for a few and during that talk she explained why she didn't have one of the items paul gave her to hold, it was an electric grill,she threw it out because was full of roaches.Ugh! I was quite horrified, and was glad she threw it out.She told me to tell paul why. I got the mail and avoided her wife's mail leaving it behind.But one letter was mixed in it ,I didn't catch,it was from SS My roommate offered to turn around and I said I'd put it back in the mailbox. Rebecca said no, and tossed it out the car window.That was uncalled for,I thought.




Later rebecca told me again that she had a bad crush on me,for years.It felt like emotional blackmail and I noticed she was not interested in anything, she was very shallow. The more extended time,uninterrupted I had around her the more I realized I had no clue who she really was or what she was doing here. She walked in the bathroom to tell me I had a phone call ,I was in the shower,but she came in and opened the shower curtain,I yelled at her to gtfo!. She tried constantly to touch me. Eventually I got pissed off and told her to stop it now!.. Later that night she bragged about forging signatures and how good she was at it,I wondered if she was a felon or if she had forged checks..She tried to scheme with my roommate a way to screw over her ex who is an asshole but the shit she was scheming would ensure my roommate would not be granted custody of her kids or get divorced if he ever found out I knew rebecca launched this impossible idea of trying to seduce him via sexting he would have ammo to use against my roommate..

First day at my house rebecca tried to take over, declaring she wanted exclusive control of the kitchen.She was pushing traditional patriarchy gender roles on me and my roommates too.She stated she would cook meals & clean up(she was really dirty and I am wondering if she brought in roaches) and despite her bragging about being a chef & a janitor and a security guard,working as a driver for the psych system, and having all these security clearances,and credentials over the years,but did not include any evidence of being familiar with the most basic things one would learn to get those credentials was suspicious. Than remembering last year her saying she wanted to start a restaurant business.. in a recession. After finding out she could not cook or clean,except for the tuna casserole,she made, her cooking was inedible.That restaurant thing was going to be impossible for her she never had money enough or a coherent business plan...I noticed he was never quiet,she was high strung and irritating to the core and did not respect anyone's boundaries.

If anyone else shared a story about something they did or experienced she would compulsively have top it with bragging or a lie. After 2 days it was obvious to me she had to go.She pissed off both my roommates Who have the ability to pay rent and can peacefully co-exist with me.She was barking orders to my female roommate cooking in the kitchen,she walked out pissed off at rebecca and I asked her what was up,she told me and it pissed me off.So I laid down the first boundary,I told Rebecca she could not dominate the kitchen,be the only cook, or order around my roommates, period.She apologized,tried to manipulate me saying she was doing all that for me..etc. Obviously she tried to use emotional blackmail on me.And it didn't work at all.So she pouted.We ignored her.


By the end of day 2 I told her she would have to leave my house tomorrow.

3rd day she became very manipulating and tried to give herself a pity party.
My roommates and I confronted her,we told her our problems with her behavior.
When it was my turn it all came tumbling out.
I told her she did not respect boundaries here,I told her I knew she was stalking me, and I thought that was fucking wrong and sick,told her I was gay,I like men,I had no clue who she was, really and that I had no clue why she had this obsession with me,I told her I did not trust her. I told her she had no clue who I was seemed to share no interests with me and she must have become infatuated with some fantasy of me that existed in her head only and she had zero chance of being my partner,I don't love her,never did,and now that I have had time to see how she behaves and the shit she does, I can't be her friend either.

I told her I doubted if she was transgender, because even in a supportive environment she never dressed as female. She bragged alot about her favorite shoes and they didn't exist and when I went to the bathroom after her the seat was up every time.In my house the seat is put down because when I was female I hated taking a dip in the middle of the night so the lid thing is resolved here, there are two bathrooms and I don't have a stp device so the one leaving it up was rebecca.

Every trans-woman I know does not pee like a guy because they have a bad relationship with those parts. And my house is trans friendly and bigot free.There is no reason to hide who you are here,my trans women Friends are relaxed here. Rebecca sulked on the chaise while my roommate I laughed our asses off watched Tokyo Gore Police. The next morning she said had therapy,(at a catholic counseling center??!!)and she asked to return to get her stuff after that.While she was gone,I had to go to my doctor,it was then I realized my army coat that was a vintage vietnam coat of solid green that I had painted a huge tiger face on with a stencil ,painted tribals into camo pattern blending into tiger stripes covering the entire jacket,with lightning bolts down both arms. I spent a considerable effort on it and it was my favorite coat,was missing. She was the only person who could have taken it.I had hung it on the hanger the night before.
At that point I was pissed.I confronted her and she tried to shift blame on my roommate,she lied.She probably stashed it while en route to therapy.I told her to return it.She said she didn't have it.I knew she was lying.

She left permanently after that.


A week and a half later I was at the peer run support out here.Dealing with a bad reactive depression,as alot of stress and frustrated at stupid people have been fucking things up in my life..

and Rebecca was there in short hair but looking the same as always. I was told Rebecca was now Paul and he feels insulted if her trans name is used.and he is reconciling with his abusive wife.Family is more important than his transition is now. Strange considering he claimed to me over and over he was transgender and would die if he could not change,wanted to go to Trinity Colorado,living out the fantasy he had for YEARS about me in his head.Once it was crystal clear he would NEVER date me or have a relationship with me,because I don't like him or trust him at all,he has no desire to become a woman??? WTF?


I went to therapy last week and felt this rage at the whole lie he lived. Because I realized people like him,who try to LIE to live out impossible fantasies in their heads ,Pretending to be transgendered,for another reason,other than the pain of being in the wrong gender, are what makes it so damn difficult for genuine transgender people to get help with transitioning.




WTF.

[Ian David]

1. Wow. This sounds like a person who has a LOT of issues.

You're well-advised to steer clear, and do what you can to encourage them to get help.

But try to be involved as little as you possibly can be.