Gay foster kids in Ga. difficult to place in homes

[kweerwolf]

Sandy Corbin, a clinical consultant for a therapeutic foster care service, remembers interviewing a teen girl in state foster care two years ago who had been kicked out of a group home for kissing another girl.

“She was excluded because she was a lesbian,” Corbin said.

This experience led Corbin, also a lesbian, to seek gay and gay-friendly foster parents and started a conversation within several state foster care agencies who contract with the state Department of Human Resources on how to help find suitable homes for teens who are gay or questioning their sexual orientation.

“Now, we’re seeing a lot more kids who are gay, who are brave enough to come out at younger ages,” Corbin said.

http://www.southernvoice.com/2005/10-21/news/localnews/localnews_foster.cfm

[TallahasseeGrannie]

1. I have a horror story about this

and I am afraid I might be slammed for bringing it up, but it happened. A student of mine came out when he was about 14. He eventually ran away from home and was placed with a foster family. The family consisted of two gay men in their 40's, who were believed to be understanding of his sexuality and a good match. The boy's family worked to get him back, but even after the State got out of it, the boy wouldn't leave the couple. They eventually left the state together, when the parents threatened legal action. About a year later the boy returned, and it became clear that he had been sexually abused by both men.

Now let me state that of the many gay men I have known, none would find sex with a 14 year old appealing, moral or legal. And I don't fall into the category of people who thinks that pedophiles are in greater number in the gay community. I am aware of no studies or statistics that say that.

However, what concerns me is that gay teens in the foster system are very, very vulnerable to sexual exploitation. We need to protect them while also dealing sensitively with their special needs. I don't have any answers for how to do that.

My story ends up with two men in jail and one teen suicide. The mother died of cancer within the year.

[xchrom]

2. since most sex abuse cases happen within the breeder

community -- no there are no ''easy'' answers.

that's why interviewers have to be good at their jobs and follow-ups on foster kids placed ANYWHERE are of paramount importance.

aecdotal evidence of sex abuse are never helpful when dealing with this issue and only inflame prejudice and suspicion.

[TallahasseeGrannie]

5. You said

"aecdotal evidence of sex abuse are never helpful when dealing with this issue and only inflame prejudice and suspicion."

And I would agree with that if I were relaying what happened to a friend of a friend or something I had read in the paper. But this was one on my kids. A child I had taught since kindergarten. I lived this crisis with the family. The child wrote me email regularly until he died.

The last thing I am trying to do is inflame prejudice and suspicion. I am simply relating my personal experience. We can't pretend it doesn't happen. It has nothing to do with sexuality, it has to do with pedophilia. The couple in this case happened to be gay. They could have easily been a straight couple. But they weren't.

Oh, and both these men were "breeders" in an earlier life. They had their own grown kids.

[xchrom]

7. i hold a very hard line on this.

even if it happened in your life -- it's still anecdotal.

it doesn't relate to the gay community at large -- our statistics about raising foster kids or statistics regarding foster kids at all.

you have managed to sew gay and paedophile together into one story -- most people never make a distinction that these are very differnt things -- and so plays into the bigotry that pursues us every day.

[TallahasseeGrannie]

8. This is not a story

I would be spreading on a RW site but here I expect folks can see the grays in there with the black and the white. I am also very uncomfortable with withholding my own personal experiences because of political correctness.

That said, I do understand why you hold such a hard line. You live this, I don't.

[xchrom]

9. political correctness?

i'm just pointing out as strongly as i can that your experience doesn't illuminate the whole experience of gays and lesbians who foster kids.

it illuminates your experience only.

heteros don't suffer from soldiers who bash in the heads of gay comrades -- nobody claims all heteros are fiendishly violent as a result -- they do regularly make claims that gay and paedophile are equivalent.

[TallahasseeGrannie]

10. You know what?

You are right. This particular story is just too incendiary and plays right into a particular world view and doesn't need to be publicized by me.

Like I said, you live it I don't.

[Maat]

11. I support you telling the story - and I'm a dedicated PFLAGer.

I was a Child Protective Services social worker for 7 years, and I currently work in Dependency Court, the defense firm I work for representing kids.

I think your story only underscores how carefully we have to interview the kids to see how things are going, particularly when they are in foster care. We have to remember that predators can be attracted to being foster care parents. That's the way I took it.

And yes, I would say 99% of the sexual abuse cases I was involved in - consisted of perpetrators who identified themselves as 'happily married heterosexuals,' when, in reality, they were control-freaks and predators.

To me, telling your story, TallahasseeGrannie, merely idenitifies the concepts that we have to have a good grasp of - such as that predators are in a distinct category.

Just my two cents' worth.

[mzteris]

3. in all fairness to gays

heterosexual sexual abuse occurs in foster care as well. (sadly)

Although the foster system is completely desperate for foster homes, I think they really need to do a more thorough job of vetting potential foster parents.

And I'm speaking as a former foster - now adoptive - parent. I "knew" some other fosters that were deplorable.

[Maat]

12. Yep.

I, not only was a social worker, I was a foster parent (fos-dopt) who adopted my daughter.

I would be desperate after picking up kids whose parents were being taken into custody at the scene of a meth lab bust. But, I was lucky. I had a select few foster parents that I trusted when I was on duty. I think that we actually contributed to the demise of one good foster parent - we placed so many kids with her over the years. The ironic part was that a short time after this angel retired from foster care - she died. It was as if she felt she could transition - her work was done.

[kweerwolf]

4. That is truly tragic ...

Unfortunately, foster kids tend to be easily "exploitable" by foster parents of any sexual orientation. I hate to hear about any child being abused.

I've often thought about the possibility of becoming a foster parent to a gay or lesbian youth (and I think I would make a decent one) but stories like that scare me, and I'm sure others, away from providing foster homes.

The religious reich likes to paint us as pedofiles, but in reality I think many LGBT folks are almost "pedophobes" because we avoid being around kids out of fear of being thought of as a child molester. I guess that has become part of the conditioning society inflicts on many of us.

[TallahasseeGrannie]

6. Most of my gay friends

are very uncomfortable around children for the reason you mention. When my own kids were younger they were very careful never to be alone with them. I found that sad.

[Maat]

13. I hear you, Kweerwolf.

And I recommend to ANY foster parent that you never be alone with a foster kid. We social workers tended to transport in pairs.

This does not involve an ironclad guarantee against false accusations, but it did serve me well.