Tell parents that adoption won't result in child abuse

[kweerwolf]

DEAR ABBY: I am a 43-year-old gay man who has always wanted to be a father. I informed my parents about my decision to adopt a boy who is 7.

My parents reacted as if I'd walked in and told them that I had murdered someone. My mother said she was disgusted and almost became physically ill. My father was less dramatic but no less displeased.

<snip>

(From "Dear Abby's" reply)

My advice is to talk frankly with both of your parents and make sure they understand that according to an article published by the American Academy of Pediatrics in 1994, ``Most child abuse appears to be committed by situational child abusers who present themselves as heterosexuals.'' (The italics are mine.) Also, ``Children raised in gay or lesbian households do not show any greater incidence of homosexuality or gender identity issues than other children.''

Further, according to the American Psychological Association, ``there is no evidence to suggest that lesbians or gay men are unfit to be parents or that psychosocial development among children of gay men and lesbians is compromised in any respect relevant to that among offspring of heterosexual parents. . . . Indeed, the evidence to date suggests that home environments provided by gay and lesbian parents are as likely as those provided by heterosexual parents to support and enable children's psychosocial growth.'' (Italics are mine.)

http://www.mercurynews.com/mld/mercurynews/living/13554632.htm

[davidinalameda]

1. I was on the train today and saw this over someone's shoulder

what parent could think that their child would abuse a child?

I don't care if you're freaking Charles Manson, no parent would ever think this

[Maat]

4. That freaked me out too, Dwickham.

Heck, I'd be thrilled to have a grandchild, and focused on that.

But then, I won't get into what certain twisted family members said when we adopted our daughter ("Don't do it - you know where those kids come from!), and we're a hetero couple that wasn't picked on like a same-sex couple might have been!

[MountainLaurel]

8. The same sort

Who would try to exorcise the homosexual demon spirit from their son through a laying-on of hands?

[xchrom]

2. this is why gay folk make their own families.

we are, after all, the only folk who for the most part -- can't share our experiences with our families.

many straight people can not appreciate that huge difference in our lives -- i'm gay but my parents aren't.

we all hope that love can overcome these divides -- but when it can't -- we survive by making our own families.

[Maat]

5. I think I know what you mean.

But I had to make my own family, and I'm straight! The people I can count on for support aren't biologically related to me, save my sister.

[Maat]

3. Dear Abby's reply .. taken from APA materials ..

is entirely correct, in my opinion, AND consistent with my experience as a social worker. ALL of the sexual abusers I encountered, working over two thousand cases/referrals, identified as heterosexual, were generally married or in a long-term heterosexual relationship, and frankly abused whichever poor kid happened to be in the wrong place at the right time.

AND, as to every child placed in an adoptive home, in which the parents were same-sex, things worked out well. And they worked out well in the homes in which the parents were opposite sexes. I guess I just got lucky. I was lucky with adoptive placements. The bottom line: this retired social worker and PFLAGer believes that we need to be looking for more adoptive homes with qualified parents - no matter what kind of couple is involved - so that every kid can have a permanent home! And single-parent homes work out too (although it is always better to have some family support in that case)!

Thanks for letting me babble.

[Ayesha]

6. A little OT but...

Maat, my partner and I are planning to adopt in a few years and have been discussing it a lot lately. We want to adopt a toddler/young child, however, we have a few concerns and fears about adopting through the foster care system. Could we possibly pick your brain sometime? We'd really appreciate it. :)

[Maat]

7. Certainly!

I got my daughter when she was two. SHE never looked back, and has been as perfect as a daughter can be.

They generally do not place children with you that they do not anticipate will be freed. My experience lasted a year. It was hard, because I didn't know if everything would work out, yet it was critical that we bond. I did it on FAITH. I had 'guts' then; I don't know about now.

However, to make a long story short, I had her placed with me knowing that it was early in the process (she had just been taken into custody). I read the case, and figured that my chances were good that everything would work out well. It did.

Now, you do not have to go down my risky road. You will have many choices. I spent 7 years in Dependency Court as a social worker, and several months as a law clerk. PM me when you are ready, and as you go along through the process. I can give you my two cents' worth.