`Brokeback' may herald acceptance of gay marriage

[ruggerson]

http://www.mercurynews.com/mld/mercurynews/entertainment/13626084.htm?template=contentModules/printstory.jsp

If you are looking for a cultural signpost to the future of gay marriage, you need look no further than the reaction to the saga of love-struck cowboys. Never mind that ``Brokeback Mountain'' has a good chance to corral more than its share of major awards at the Golden Globes ceremony on Monday. The big news is that the film is being embraced even in red states.

There were early signs that this might happen when ``Brokeback'' played to big crowds in December at the cineplex in Plano, Texas. This month, according to the Dallas Morning News, the film has more than quadrupled the number of theaters where it's playing, to 269 screens, and its audiences have increased by more than 60 percent. We're talking about audiences in the heart of the Midwest and in the South -- not exactly the demographic you'd expect to warm to a tale about gay Marlboro men.

Universal love story

But that's the power of a beautifully filmed love story. The appeal is universal. As tragic on-screen lovers go, Ali MacGraw and Ryan O'Neal have nothing on the two ``Brokeback'' cowboys. No wonder it seems to be turning into a date movie -- for heterosexuals.

When Ann Davidson went to the film in Palo Alto recently, she saw what appeared to be mostly heterosexual couples in the audience, many of whom were middle-aged. It was the same for Mary Ann Woodall when she saw it at Santana Row in San Jose and for Joyce Miller when she saw it at the PruneYard in Campbell.

``I think this will be a turning point for people who have not thought about gay and lesbian relationships,'' said Davidson, whose son is gay. ``They will be moved by the power of this film without any labels being attached to it.''

[dsc]

1. I have grave doubts

There are plenty of fairly liberal people in large cities in the South and Midwest certainly enough to keep a movie theater filled.

[Liberal Veteran]

2. At best it opens a dialogue.

Which is a good thing, but expecting a sea change from it would be foolish.

[Ian David]

3. I'm still waiting for someone to make my Lesbian Ninja movie. n/t

[HockeyMom]

4. Gay Couple I knew as a child

We lived in a apartment in Manhattan. Down the hall from us were two middle aged gay men who had been together for something like 25 years.

Mr. Z did a lot of traveling for his job and wherever he went, he would bring me little gifts from all around the world when he came back. He was such a kind and caring person who would go out his way to help other people.

His partner got very sick and was dying in the hospital. The family refused to let Mr. Z go to see him. The man locked himself up in the apartment and was slowly grieving himself to death. My Mom tried to cook for him, clean, and get him to go out of the apartment with her. She even tried calling the other man's family to get them to change their mind. She told them they were killing Mr. Z by their cruelty.

Nothing worked. Within 6 months of his partner's death, Mr. Z was found dead in his apartment by my Mom.

I was only 10 years old at the time of this, but even at that young age I was so moved by the great love they had for each other, AND by the absolute bigotry and CRUELTY of so called human beings to their fellow man.

Just talking about this now chokes me up.

[xchrom]

5. sorry -- very traumatic that.

that is still a very real realty for our lives.

[mitchtv]

6. I have heard many such horror stories

most gay folks have. They made one of the stories in "If These Walls Could Talk" about what happens in even "good and caring" families.All it takes is one greedy families member to cause a lot of trouble, for the surviving spouse.

[foreigncorrespondent]

7. Just reading about it chokes me up. :(

I am lucky in that my parters family would never stop me from seeing her in the hospital. But unfortunately countless couples aren't as fortunate as I am, and my heart just bleeds for these people every time I hear about this kind of thing going on.

Thank you for sharing this story with us.

HockeyMom it is experiences like these that have carved you into the good lefty you have become. I wish there were more like you on the left and the right, and the center. :)

[ruggerson]

8. Thanks for this HM

Unfortunately there are a million stories like this. I am glad, in a weird way, that you witnessed this from the unjaded lens of a ten year old, as it obviously had a profound effect on you and enabled you to see the world in a way you might not have otherwise. You have a wonderful heart and so does your mom.

[dsc]

9. One of my teachers was in a couple

and recently her partner (another teacher) died. She was banned from the funeral. It was outrageous but nothing could be done. I think she owned the house so she got to keep that but still it was a sad thing. Your story is heartbreaking but sadly not uncommon.

[Ayesha]

10. One thing I don't get...

If these couples have been together so long, why didn't they get the legal paperwork in place to prevent awful family members from doing that kind of thing? There are even kits online to do it for those who can't afford a lawyer. While it's far short of the rights marriage would provide, wills, health care directives, and related documents can prevent these kinds of tragedies. I understand it happening 20 years ago, but today?

My partner and I have been together only a year and a half, and we have health care power of attorneys set up, so that if either of us is hospitalized and unable to communicate, we have the right to make decisions for each other. We'll be doing wills sometime this year. I own our current home, but when we move our next house will be in both our names. We will only adopt in a state where we both can be the legal parents through joint or second-parent adoption, so that our children will be protected.

My dad and stepmom are supportive, as is her family, so we don't have that to fear, yet we're still covering our bases, just in case a hospital, school, or other person/group we have to deal with is less so. It's a pain in the ass to do all that extra paperwork instead of saying "I do", but it can be done and if two people truly love each other they need to do it.

[TechBear_Seattle]

11. Legal paperwork is very easy to overturn

The legal system places so much power in the hands of immediate family and extended blood relations that it is usually a simple matter for hostile family to come in after a death and sweep all the paper work aside.

No matter how many hundreds of dollars you spend in legal fees to organize powers of attorney, wills and other documents of intent, if you have parents who oppose your "gay lifestyle," it is likely a waste of money. Until and unless there is equal marriage, where a simple $54 filing fee secures a vast array of rights and protections that are nearly impossible to overturn, paperwork won't be worth the paper.

[dsc]

12. two things

First, the funeral there was nothing which could be done. The legal next of kin gets to do the funeral. No contract can save you. Second, the first case was decades ago when it just wasn't done. In the case I sight I don't know what steps they took.

[Ayesha]

16. Are you sure?

My lawyer said that the health care power of attorney and the will can be used to designate the partner as the one who decides disposition of the remains. Wouldn't that include the funeral?

[Liberal Veteran]

19. Pre-arrangements with a funeral home.

And also make your wishes known in a will.

Those two things will make it much more difficult for the family to shut your loved one out of the service.

[dsc]

20. admittedly I am not totally sure

and the answer would very from state to state. In states where gay marriage or civil unions exist then the question is moot provided the couple chose to avail themselves of that option. Conversly in states like VA the private contracts have been specificly outlawed and thus they would be worthless for all purposes.

[Meldread]

13. How about states like Virginia...

...where there are laws in place which specifically say that ANY contract entered into by two people of the same sex, that are not of blood relation, can be called into question and be invalidated.

This law was designed to discriminate against gays at the highest degree, to go beyond disallowing civil unions and gay marriage, but to invalidate all forms of contracts. That means wills, powers of attorney, hell even housing.

They want to make it clear: LGBT people are NOT welcome in Virginia.

National Gay Marriage is the only solution.

[mitchtv]

15. One thing you can't do

Is stop the local assesor from re assessing the property , once your partner dies, if it is owned by both(unlike a married couple). I also think the fed taxes you for a "gift" for the value of Partner's half of the property. Thank God I am in CA.

[Guy Fawkes]

14. nope.

A few weeks ago, the local paper ran a (conservative) article about same-sex marriage.

Responses go anywhere from annoying to downright vile. The people in this town (pop. 60,000) are extrememly homophobic.

[pro_blue_guy]

17. Oh my!

I wouldn't hold my breath that a movie can be the spark that will allow acceptance of gay marriage. Personally, I think that anti-gay marriage people wouldn't even be watching this movie, anyway!

[triakis36]

18. The movie is getting the right kind of response.

People dead set on being homophobic might not get it, but for the most part a lot of non-queers are on the fence about the subject of gay rights. Hopefully, this will get them thinking and realize that action needs to be taken to ensure every American gets the equality they deserve. Taking away someone's rights does nothing to protect the family or anyone else. In fact, doing so opens the doors for any other marginalized group to be discriminated and persecuted against. That's something everyone has to realize, that its not just a gay-problem. We all have to band together to protect one another.