Gay neighbors deserve apology

[kweerwolf]

DEAR AMY: My husband and I have lived in our quiet suburban Denver neighborhood for six years. About two years ago, two young gay men moved in across the street. They've taken the ugliest, most rundown property in the neighborhood and remodeled and transformed it into the pride of the street. When it snows, they shovel out my car and are friendly, yet they mostly keep to themselves. Last month I went out to retrieve my newspaper and watched them kiss each other goodbye and embrace as they each left for work. I was appalled that they would do something like that in plain view of everyone. I was so disturbed that I spoke to my pastor. He encouraged me to draft a letter, telling them how much we appreciate their help but asking them to refrain from that behavior in our neighborhood. I did so and asked a few of our neighbors to sign it. Since I delivered it, I've not been able to get them to even engage me in conversation. I offer greetings but they've chosen to ignore me. They have made it so uncomfortable for the other neighbors and me by not even acknowledging our presence. How would you suggest we open communications with them and explain to them that we value their contributions to the neighborhood but will not tolerate watching unnatural and disturbing behavior.

Wondering

DEAR WONDERING: You're lucky that these gentlemen merely choose to ignore you.

Your neighbors could respond to your hospitality by hosting weekly outdoor "gay pride" barbecues and inviting all of their friends to enjoy life on your quiet suburban street. I can hold out hope that they will choose to do this, but I'm spiteful in that way. Your neighbors sound much more kind.

In your original petition to these men, you basically stated that while you value them when they are raising the standard on your street and shoveling your driveway, you loathe them for being who they are.

The only way to open communication with your neighbors would be to start by apologizing to them for engaging your other neighbors in your campaign. Because you don't sound likely to apologize, you are just going to have to tolerate being ignored.

http://www.newsday.com/news/columnists/ny-lsamy4634469feb20,0,4717505.column?coll=ny-rightrail-columnist

[LeftCoast]

1. I read about this earlier

That lady is SO lucky I'm not her neighbor. I'd invite every leather-daddy and drag-queen I know to come over and throw the party of the century. :evilgrin:

[xchrom]

9. the high heel and purse brigade

with muscles!:evilgrin:

a game of volleyball in the front yard would immediately begin with the commencement of playing ''it's raining men''.

[ronnykmarshall]

35. and Dykes on Bikes.

Lot's of them. Big ones with LOUD bikes.

[dsc]

2. This has to be made up

No one is that clueless. On edit I don't mean that I don't think someone would do what the lady did but I can't phatom anyone not knowing why the couple would start ignoring her.

[proud2BlibKansan]

5. I wish you were right

But I think there really are folks this clueless out there.

[dsc]

7. Please read my edit

it isn't the actions its the not knowing why she was being ignored.

[proud2BlibKansan]

14. Oh got ya

Thanks

[China_cat]

6. I do wish you were right.

But I've seen too many like that one. Hell, I'm related to too many like that one.

[dsc]

11. I can see someone embarking on the campaign

but to fail to understand why they might be mad, that strikes me as hard to believe.

[China_cat]

12. It's the 'ick' factor.

The unknown. What you do not know, you soon fear. And what you fear you learn to hate. Fear and hate both make you angry.

[dsc]

13. again I see why she did it

but I can't see why she would be mystified at the reaction. That is what I find difficult to swallow.

[China_cat]

15. Because there are a lot of people who are so

convinced that they have no prejudice, that they are completely open minded, that they just can't believe it when they are confronted with their own bigotry.

It's a lot like here in the south where you'll hear older whites refer to 'niggers' and when you call them on it they will be mystified as to why you object and answer you with something like 'there's colored and there's niggers, I got nothing against the colored, it's the niggers that cause all the trouble'. Well, she's got nothing against the gay couple as long as they're 'doing what gays do' in redecorating and keeping things nice. Then they're 'colored'. As soon as they start reminding her of their true relationship, then they become 'niggers'.

[gator_in_Ontario]

33. Great post, and great analogy! n/t

[mitchtv]

23. Ick, is right, a block full of strates! n/t

[MuseRider]

25. BWAHAHAHAHA!

LOVE your reaction.

These clueless people are the unreachables. They see nothing wrong with their own behavior and feel that everyone else should be just like them or understand their "disgust" with things "unnatural".

I had a similar conversation in the long drive home after one of our state meetings. Being straight I enjoy learning the perspective of my lesbian friends whom I ride with (funny that I find their perspectives to be like my own, uncanny that, lol.). One of them reacted to something similar with the "ICK, I can't bear the thought of men and women together." I almost drove off the road I was laughing so hard.

Love it. :hug: for a much needed chuckle.

[theHandpuppet]

27. Oh my....

You really need to experience a larger slice of American pie. I know *plenty* of places whose names could have easily been substituted for "Denver" in this story. In fact, I have a harder time believing you really think this letter had to be made up. My own sister would have written that letter in her proper Columbus suburb.

[proud2BlibKansan]

3. I like the weekly outdoor gay pride barbecue idea

That's what I would want to do if I was them.

[China_cat]

4. Good for Dear Amy

I loathe the attitude of "it's ok to be gay as long as you don't do it in public". If she wants them to stop showing affection in public, then she needs to stop kissing her husband goodbye at the door.

At a minimum.

[babylonsister]

8. I think the response was great.

"...you basically stated that while you value them when they are raising the standard on your street and shoveling your driveway, you loathe them for being who they are."

Get over it and used to it, Wondering. You blew your chance at having and enjoying wonderful, charitable neighbors through your ignorance and homophobia.
And perhaps a heartfelt apology might work, though I think it would be disingenuous to be so hypocritical at this late date.:eyes:

[MADem]

10. Jesus Christ on a bike, what an ASSHOLE!!!!

And the fact that this person even WROTE this letter, asking for advice, makes me wonder if there is even a PULSE detectable on that creature!

Astounding how the real perpetrator of the "unnatural and disturbing behavior" doesn't have a clue.

Hell, what is wrong with people who cannot simply live and let live....and damn, if someone would shovel out my goddamn driveway, I'd kiss 'em myself! I'd kill for neighbors like that!

[xchrom]

16. don't let pat robertson know that

you're in enough trouble 'cause of dover already.

or is that pa -- i can never get that straight.

[MADem]

17. Dover is where the morgue is, in Delaware

No where near me, these days...

[xchrom]

18. lol -- there's some irony there some where...

dover, the morgue and robertson -- not anything to do with you.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

20. Dover PA

was where they threw out Intelligent Design curriculum from their schools.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

19. Good answer

I sort of wish it was a made-up letter. That lady must be really up tight. When we Sufis get together, everyone hugs everyone-twice!- and there's a fair amount of kissing that goes on. Bet she'd really have a problem with a Sufi khanka (gathering place) in her neighborhood.

[roguevalley]

21. I feel for that couple. probably fear for their safety. they can live on m

my street anyday. boys kissing is cute.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

22. yes when we kiss we are flaunting our alternative lifestyles in their face

[mitchtv]

24. I think the term is ,

"shoving it sown our throats"

[sui generis]

29. yeah "flaunting"

what an odd word to choose. Having brown hair is flaunting it? Not wearing blue contacts to cover your brown eyes is flaunting it?

Yes they are very lucky. I would have thrown my first assless chaps barbecue in the front yard that very weekend and ordered the absolutely most microscopic tiniest buttfloss speedo imported from the deepest environs of the French Riviera and tanned all the way up to december. In the driveway.

[NMMNG]

26. And how many times has she hugged or kissed her husband

in full view of the neighbors? Effing hypocritical witch. It's always ok for them to do it, but when we do it it's an issue.

Stupid twit.

[kevinbgoode]

28. In my opinion, it was the pastor who crossed over the line

that gay couple has every legal right to purchase and live in a home on that street, and made every effort to be good neighbors. Her minister, who is obviously some kind of homophobic jerk, gave some horrendous advice - and if we knew who he was, a nice picket line outside his church (or better yet, a kiss-in) would be certainly in order.

[BR_Parkway]

31. Maybe never, which would explain her jealosy at seeing others do it - but

rather than admit jealosy, make it whole 'homos are bad' thing instead.

Admitted, I think that straight folks who have never seen a same sex couple show affection do get a shock out of it the first time they see it - hell, I still remember the first time I walked into a gay bar - there was a shock at seeing 2 guys dancing - but after the initial "oh wow, I've never seen that before" she should have moved on. The fact that she didn't seems to point to a huge lack in her own relationship and the boys kissing gave her a focus outside herself - typical reaction from one of those "party of personal responsibility" types, huh?

[sui generis]

30. Other Mr. Sui and I have a "good day" smooch in driveway

outside all the time leaving for work . . . here in red state Dallas and our ancient decrepit gladys kravitz neighbors have never been anything but unfailingly friendly.

Oh there was the time I caught Roy peeking in the bedroom blinds, but he's weird anyway. Said he was looking for his cat. He don't got no cat.

[Guy Fawkes]

32. I can honestly say...

reading the first few lines, I had no idea what was going to come next. I figured it was something like, "and now they've started mowing our lawn... should we pay them?" or something.

[ronnykmarshall]

34. My responce to Wondering

Dear Fuck-face,

Eat shit and fucking die.

Next time you need your snow removed, I suggest you stick that shovel right up your ass and push.

Here's hoping your daughter grows up and married a black lesbian with a rainbow mohawk and drives a Harley.

You might want to enjoy life in the snow while you can, dear. Because there's a special place in hell for ignorant bigots like you.

Did I say 'eat shit and fucking die'?

[La Lioness Priyanka]

36. lol. this is the angriest response i have ever seen from you

:loveya:

[ronnykmarshall]

38. Hot, huh?

:loveya: back at ya!

[swimmernsecretsea]

45. Oooo! Goodie!

I'm liking your response so much better than mine! I should've read it first!

[HockeyMom]

37. PFLAG Chapter sent me this too

Great line, "but I'm spiteful in that way." Loved it.

[bigscott]

39. I am laughing my ass off at that poor woman

she is ignorant, and no amount of "education" will help. The guys should practice their most vocal, passionate, dirty dog SEX the next time the neighbors have a BBQ, or revival meeting.

with the windows open

and curtains open

[Kerrytravelers]

44. I'd watch!

:bounce:

[davidinalameda]

40. what a fucking idiot

I'm utterly speechless

[swimmernsecretsea]

41. Dear Amy

I was rude to two people who weren't doing anything other than expressing love for each other. It disgusted me because I have no idea what love is and feel uncomfortable when other people do it. In fact, I feel uncomfortable when other people do anything that expresses themselves. I'd feel much better if people just did things for me and made my life easier--then got the fuck out of the way.

Then, I attempted to create a mob and to bring other people in on my feelings of insecurity and prejudice.

Why are these two people being mean to me? What can I do to make them pay attention to me?! How can I get them to kiss my ass? I'm so friggin important!

Wondering.

[Kerrytravelers]

42. It's ok to be gay... just don't "be' gay...

She is on the dumb side of stupid and deserves a special "Too Stupid to Live" smilie quilt.

[Kerrytravelers]

43. What kind of "pastor" would tell a parishoner to start a petition

against another person in their neighborhood? Even if the pastor is against gay people (which is completly sick (IMHO), why would they advocate starting a neighborhood war? That sounds so irresponsible (at the very least). Not exactly Christian love and kindness. :eyes:

[ripple]

46. It's all God's work

for the pious among us. I love Amy's response! :rofl: