I "<3" My Gay Dad

[LeftHander]

That is the message my 15 year old daughter painted on a black t-shirt she wore to school today.

At my daughter's high school the gay students, friends that support them are demonstrating by wearing black shirts and posting flyers of quotes about equality and acceptance. In the past people have counter demonstrated at the school.

I can't express how proud I am of my brave daughter.

I spent my whole life in denial of who I was and 18 months ago came out to myself and my wife and daughter as a gay man. She asked me yesterday if it was okay if she wore this shirt and participated in the gay rights day at school.

At first I was frightened. My old reasons for denial crept back in and I was going to say no. I didn't want to see her be ridiculed and abused by mean hateful people. But I could not allow my old fear to perpetuate to another generation. I said:

"You go ahead and wear the shirt. I am so proud of you. We will deal with anything that happens together as a family. If anything."

Though I have told many close to me about our family situation it has not been completely "public" that I have come out. It has been very hard on everyone. And I am now in a grieving stage triggered by watching "Brokeback Mountain". Grieving for the love I missed and for my marriage, my wife, my daughter and for myself. Very conflicting strong emotions have been flooding out since Sunday....(this is subject of another post to come I am still writing it)

But today is not a day for mourning but for celebrating my daughter's love.

Today, in my not so big, rather conservative community I live in, my daughter is there supporting all of the gay kids at her school and all of us and her dad.. All 5'1" of her.

And for me thanks to her....No more fear...it stops today...

I love her so much.

[wtmusic]

1. What a story

Ya raised a good kid :thumbsup:

[Midlodemocrat]

2. Stupid question.

What does that mean I<3?

And good for your daughter. You should be very proud of her.

Hoping for healing and happiness to come to you soon.

:hug:

[LeftHander]

4. that is a "heart" - love...

all the myspace kids use <3 for "love"

[Midlodemocrat]

9. Oh. Thanks. I didn't realize that.

What a great kid you have there, sir.

[zbdent]

20. Phew . . . I thought she was

flashing somebody (;) :evilgrin: )

[patdem]

5. That would be a heart

What a day for you! And father's day not even here yet!

[ronnykmarshall]

3. What does

"<3" mean?

[Wickerman]

6. me too

?

[Wickerman]

10. oh, a heart!

very cool. You have a great daughter!

[ronnykmarshall]

12. Very cool.

What a great daughter!

[elehhhhna]

7. you must be one hell of a fine father. i wish you all

peace, courage, and strength for the coming challenges.

Great kid ya got there.

[hedgehog]

8. I've been debating coming out as the parent of a gay child.

I'm active at church and wonder what the effect would be. Of course, there are some elderly people in the congregation who are fond of my daughter, and I wouldn't do a thing without my daughter's support. She may wish to keep a low profile for now and just let things be.

[M155Y_A1CH]

34. Please don't out your daughter lightly

It may not go as well as you hope.
You should let her make the first move if she wants it out.
She may have to endure some heartbreaking episodes as a result
and you would not want to be the one responsible for her pain.

You can still be supportive of equal rights without gay family members evident.
It may be an even stronger statement that way as you seem to have nothing to gain
by holding your beliefs. Doing what is right should be a strong enough arguement
without bringing sexuality into the fray at all.

[Uben]

11. The two together make a heart on it's side n/t

nt

[babylonsister]

13. Your story brought tears to my eyes.

Love can conquer all, can't it? Hugs to your daughter, and her parents who made her the lovely daughter that she is.:hug:

[ThomCat]

14. Good for you too!

Better to come out late than never.

I've been out since college, but because of my disability I've had a hard time finding that love too. I've been told to my face that I'm broken so no guy would ever want me. I've been told that I don't belong in certain clubs, and that I should go hang out with the old men in a different bar because they might be interested. Point being that even being out doesn't make things wonderful.

If your family is supportive and love you, then enjoy what you have, enjoy who you are, and please don't try to second-guess your life.

[LeftHander]

15. oh yeah I know...no dwelling...

I knew that if I opened the door and started questioning the "what ifs" and "could of beens" too much it would destroy me emotionally. I have to accept that I did have a good decent life thus far loaded with ups and downs regardless if I was out, in denial or straight.

But from time to time the emotion does well up and it has to release...for me it comes in waves of saddness that pass after a bit of time.

I know I can't dwell in the past, but accept it, celebrate it and move forward.

[swimmernsecretsea]

16. I bet she learned much from you.

You are right to be proud. What a wonderful story. You made me feel good today.

[swimboy]

17. Your daughter is a beacon!

What wonderful affirmation and support from her! I wish you peace and strength as you sort through your "things". Celebrate the love you have!

[William769]

18. Your daughter is one of the reasons

I still have hope! Give her a big :hug: for me. :)

[keith the dem]

19. isn't it great, if not scary, that we have at least two young people

on the discussion board today that have more brains, courage, and heart than our entire "leadership" combined.
Your daughter and AVA deserve our full love, support and respect!

[zbdent]

21. Let us know when she's kicked out of school

for wearing a 'controversial' shirt . . . and expect death threats . . .

[FuzzyDicePHL]

22. Let us know

how the shirt went over at school...

Great story, great daughter! :)

[IndyOp]

23. Wow! I "<3" your daughter's gay Dad, too!

No, this is not a pass. I am not your type -> ;-)

:applause: :applause: :applause:

[phusion]

24. Gay or straight,

in the end it all comes down to Love. Thanks for the story.

[zcflint09]

25. Great story

Your daughter has so much courage, and should be commended, and you should be as well. You sound like a great parent. :)

[katinmn]

26. Wow! Great kid, great dad!

:thumbsup:

[Mnemosyne]

27. Thank you LeftHander, what a wonderful testament to

a loving father. :hug:

I commend her bravery. :applause:

You are certainly a lucky man. :hi:

[LeftHander]

28. Thank You all.....

Your support is greatly appreciated.

[brainshrub]

29. What a wonderful daughter you have.

*happy sniffle*

Thank you for this post.

[xchrom]

30. i'm going to woo---hoo now for you and your daughter!

:woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo:

[Brazenly Liberal]

31. We need more dads like you

What a great dad you must be to have raised such a child!

The pressure to conform is so intense at that age, yet she is brave enough to stand up for what is right. You are right to be proud of her, but take a moment to feel proud of yourself as well.

[LeftHander]

33. And Moms like her's.....nt

[terrya]

32. This is so beautiful. Your daughter is the hope of the future.

You have every reason to be proud of her. She, and others like her, represent hope...against the bigotry, the hatred, the homophobia. She is fighting the good fight...a very good, important fight.

I read this with tears in my eyes. I don't get choked up on a lot of things...but this is so wonderful, so hopeful. And your story...it's the story a lot of gay men and lesbians have lived. The coming out process is hard...it was so difficult for me, as well. But as our families and friends...and ourselves...deal with this, it gets easier. Trust me, it does.

Give your daughter a hug today, ok? And tell her it's from us. Thank you so much for this post.

[rucky]

35. Congratulations to YOU

it's very brave. My brother's partner has a similar story.

:cheers:

[pnwmom]

36. Does your daughter know about these websites?

www.colage.org (Children of Gays and Lesbians Everywhere)

www.familieslikemine.com

And your wife might be interested in www.ssnetwk.org (Straight Spouse Network)


It's the love you and your wife have for her and the way you handled outing yourself to her that has helped make her the wonderful girl she is. Lucky girl!


My father never talked to us about what was happening. He just moved out of the family home into a house with his partner, then sat there and waited for us to call him -- getting angrier and angrier at the two youngest, who took a while to initiate contact.

I was the oldest, already married and out of the house, so it was probably easiest for me. Hardest for the youngest, my brother, who was still a teen.

Anyway, it sounds as though, as painful as things must be at times -- and of course there will be grieving -- that you're handling everything extremely well. The main thing is, you're obviously attending to your wife and daughter's feelings, not just your own. The best of luck to your whole family. I'm pulling for you.