Damn it, stop saying that phrase!

[Meldread]

Alright, I am not sure how it started but I think it should be put to rest right now. There is no such thing as a gay "lifestyle". Saying "gay lifestyle" is a negative way to speak toward gays, as it is usually used to imply stereotypes about gays. There is no gay lifestyle, just as there is no straight lifestyle or latino, black or white lifestyle. Being gay is not a subculture, although yes there are various gay subcultures just as there are various straight subcultures.

This isn't so much directed at straights, who I think when they use the phrase are trying NOT to be offensive, it's directed at LGBT people who use the phrase. If you are a gay male and you say "gay lifestyle" you are implying that you are or do the following: dress like a woman, will have sex with any male who has a pulse and possibly men who don't have a pulse, speak with a lisp, do drugs, live on welfare and live your life as one giant party. If you are a gay female and you use the phrase "gay lifestyle" you are implying that you are or do the following: ride a motorcycle, hate dresses, hate men, hate children, can't cook, want to sleep with every woman you see and want to be a man.

Are there gay men and women like those described above? Yes. Is there anything wrong with that? Well, some of it perhaps - sleeping with everything that moves generally isn't healthy, nor is the doing drugs, but the rest is okay. We are a group of people that tries to embrace diversity, sometimes successfully sometimes not so successfully, we are not a lifestyle. We should always be celebrating our diversity, not trying to box ourselves in by implying that somehow the entire gay movement is some obscure subculture. That implies that being gay is a choice, which we all know it isn't.

I don't expect hetero's to change the way they speak, but I would like to see LGBT people informed on what they are saying - that they are stereotyping themselves. The word "lifestyle" is used as a buzzword to conjure up negative images of gay people. Do not use it in conjunction with yourself or another LGBT person.

There I said it. Aside from the negative connotations it has, it is also a pet peeve of mine that raises my hackles every time I hear the phrase. It is normally used like this: "I like/know gay people, but I just don't support 'that lifestyle'."

[TechBear_Seattle]

1. Psst! Preacher!

The congregation is that way. :hi:

[Meldread]

5. Sorry, but...

...I'm mostly venting.

My message might have gotten lost somewhere in the rant, but the point other than to vent was to inform LGBT people who don't know any better what they are saying. Hopefully it'll catch the attention of a few straights as well, although I am pretty sure most people who use it use it out of ignorance of what it actually implies.

I just really, really hate the stereotype of all gay men being whores who will sleep with any man given the chance. Half the straight guys who seem to be fixated upon gay men all scheming to get into their pants, any self-respecting gay man wouldn't want to touch with a ten foot pole. It seems like they all look like they could all be either the brother or friends with Larry the Cable Guy, and the funniest thing in the world to them is a fart joke. I mean, geeze, come on guys - we have standards.

[badgerpup]

9. and yet these same straight guys get all huffy...

...when informed that they didn't even make the semi-finals, let alone the short list for 'attractive' and want to know what's wrong with them.
:banghead: :eyes:
Seen it happen, I have. :rofl:

[uppityperson]

2. I know what you mean.

You can group people in all sorts of ways, and find unusual behavior in any such group. Thank you for writing this, nice being able to read what I've been ranting about for yrs.

[Goblinmonger]

3. But, but, but

if there isn't a gay lifestyle, then that would mean you are no different than I, and that would mean that we are both human being, and that would mean that you should be treated the same, and that would be fine if it weren't for the lifestyle. Wait, didn't I start here?

on edit: K&R

[gordianot]

4. Only way anyone has a lifestyle is when you earn six figures without work.

Most of them are Republicans and it is the "Republican lifestyle".

[TankLV]

6. I just wish I knew which "lifestyle" you mean.

Is it the dying, pauper, alone in a skanky hospital bed lifestyle?

Is it the greedy, rich, selfish, "I've got mine", take pleasure in counting and bragging about your possessions, bragging about "how much" (not how little) you paid for something lifestyle?

Is is the I'm not promisquous as long as I visit bath houses or isolated toilets and never tell anybody lifestyle?

Is it the hardworking single parent or couple with child/children lifestyle?

Is it the closeted self hating repuke log cabin, but my money makes me feel better lifestyle?

Is it the hypocritical closeted pedophile catholic priest who the nazi pope hides in the palaces of the Vatican lifestyle?

Just which one is it?!

[Meldread]

7. Heh.

"Is it the greedy, rich, selfish, "I've got mine", take pleasure in counting and bragging about your possessions, bragging about "how much" (not how little) you paid for something lifestyle?"
I often wonder, people who feel and act that way, how much they are willing to pay for freedom and equality. While they may have money, and while that may allow them to act with some autonomy above the rest of us, it still does not guarantee them freedom. They are still second-class citizens, even in their expensive custom tailored suits.

"Is it the hypocritical closeted pedophile catholic priest who the nazi pope hides in the palaces of the Vatican lifestyle?"
Well, that wouldn't even be anything remotely close to being gay. Pedophiles, even men who sleep with boys, are not gay - they are pedophiles. One of the misconceptions about pedophiles is the fact that the sex of the child means little to them. Pedophilia is defined by a sexual attraction to children, not a sexual attraction to boys or a sexual attraction to girls. Pedophiles often go after those least likely to report their crimes and the children they have the access too. Other than the fact that many of the boy victims of the priests were alter boys (giving the priests access), perhaps the primary reason they were selected were because of the feelings toward homosexuality. If the boy feels ashamed of what has happened, if he feels that he might be labeled as 'gay' for what has happened, if he fears rejection by peers and parents, then he is more likely to keep his mouth shut. Which is exactly what the priests wanted. Pedophiles are not born, they are created by society either by being victims themselves or through general societal oppression. It is unnatural for humans to oppress their sexual needs as Catholic Priests do, and as a result they are more likely to prey upon children.

[eridani]

8. What to say instead

"We don't have "lifestyles;" we have LIVES, dammit!"

[W_HAMILTON]

10. Yep, I fully agree

Now I've seen some argument over semantics before on this board that I usually don't agree with, but I agree with this one. When people use that term -- "the gay lifestyle" -- usually it's coming from some bigoted person, or someone who just doesn't know better. There is no "gay lifestyle."

It's one of those things that allow people to easily discriminate against us, because they just lump us all into one grouping, instead of taking the time to actually get to know gay people. If they got to know a gay person on an individual level, it would be harder to support discrimination against them. Instead, they just assume all gay people are sex perverts, wearing pink boa's, dancing in parades, with <insert drug> in one hand, and using the other hand to jerk some guy off in public or something.

I guess they consider that the "gay lifestyle," and they use that as an excuse as to why they don't want to get to know any gay people, which in turn gives them an excuse to discriminate against gay people and their "lifestyle." A sad, never-ending circle.

[Democrats_win]

12. Can´t you hear Falwell saying, "Gay lifestyle" as if he just said fuck?

Several posters hinted at this fact: The lifestyle that deserves the most criticism is the lifestyle that Republicans promote. The lifestyle that says if you´re a "believer" than you can justifiably do anything provided it doesn´t involve sex. And they´ve broken just about every one of their god´s laws. However, they forget "faith without works is dead."

[xchrom]

15. homo-SEXSHU-al.

[GymGeekAus]

18. Whoa, that lifestyle sounds fabulous.

There are millions of gay lifestyles.

"Pervert" is subjective. Wearing a pink boa while dancing in a parade with a drug of choice in one hand and some stud's hardened meat in the other sounds down right fantastic.

You guys and gals are having a problem making "gay lifestyle" a phrase of your own, IMHO.

To quote Angels in America, "the world only spins forward." We are a Pandora's box. We are out and about now. We have public faces. People are starting to appreciate and understand our perspectives.

Those bigots have one generation left, maybe two. Then they'll be dead and the world will be able to progress without that dead weight on its back. Until then, I think it is valuable to keep the topic in discussion.

You cannot argue that there is no gay lifestyle, since as a gay person with a lifestyle you and I persue one or another.

Just correct and instruct, people. Or not, the choice is really yours. Just like the choice to get bent out of shape about the use of a phrase is really yours.

I love my fabulous gay lifestyle. To quote Amisted Maupin, "it's the light of my life. It's brought me into the fellowship of men, and I like it here. I like it."

[terrya]

11. Please shoot me if I ever use that term.

I cringe every single time I see the phrase "gay lifestyle". Because, quite frankly, it's insulting.

Is there a "heterosexual lifestyle"? Has anyone ever used that term? No. Why...because there ISN'T one. Heterosexuals come in all shapes, sizes, attitudes. There is no one standard, one template, lifestyle for heterosexuals. And that certainly goes for GLBT people.

We don't conform to one single standard. We run the gamut as far as looks, mannerisms, clothes, careers, financial status, religious beliefs or non-religious beliefs....we are all shapes, sizes, colors, etc. We reflect the diversity of humanity. We are only different in our sexual orientations and gender identities.

Please, GLBT people...don't fall into the trap some misguided heterosexuals use to describe our lives.

[meegbear]

13. I don't recall any gay associates using that word Meldread ...

unless they were joking around, parodying a Falwell type.

Please give examples in excruciatingly painful detail where you have experienced this.

[GymGeekAus]

17. My FABULOUS Lifestyle.

My fabulous lifestyle is a gay lifestyle. It's not the gay lifestyle.

If you're gay, your lifestyle is a gay lifestyle too. But it's still not the gay lifestyle.

However, I don't see what's so bad about referring to "the gay lifestyle." Certainly there are aspects of our invidivual gay lifestyles which we all share in common.

There's at least one--a familiarity/preference with sexual partners of our own gender. There are a couple of others, too: all gay lifestyles currently share some level of stigma, all are conscious decisions not to pursue lifestyles that we are not drawn to or comfortable with.

I don't see an issue here, guys and gals. If someone uses "the gay lifestyle" as a derrogatory term, which even some homosexuals have done, then just ask them what they mean. Clarify, then instruct.

At least people are finally talking about things, and if we talk about these things then eventually people will at least acknowledge our perspectives. That's more valuable than silencing people who oppose the "homosexual agenda."

Heehee. I'm waiting for the backlash on that term. You know, it's been a part of the gay rights movement that we have co-opted terms used by the opposition and made them our own.

[FuzzyDicePHL]

14. Can't find an example, but

I'll always remember a bumpersticker I once saw that put it nicely: "I work, I love, I pay taxes and I vote. What 'gay lifestyle?'"

[xchrom]

16. a phrase i can honestly say that i've never used.