Why does it hurt?

[Psyop Samurai]

It's been a very emotional week, in some very unexpected ways. It'll take time to separate all the strands and process them.

I kinda feel like I've been robbed of the presidential transition that I looked forward to. Oh sure, I've clicked on some threads..., but my mind has wondered. Repeatedly, I find myself back at the "children's table", letting the "adults" discuss business. Anyone else feel that way?

Some devastating things have happened. They will need to be analyzed, and we will move forward. For the moment, however, that's not what I want to talk about.

The other day, a fellow DUer said, "Prop 8 on the same day as So many voted Obama, that hurt me in a very deep place." I agreed that it had me as well, and that's what I'd like to pause a moment and talk about. This isn't about being right or wrong, but about being human.
_______

To a large extent, we GLBT people are orphans, and this transcends all ethnicity. I am white and grew up in a small town in Pennsylvania. There could be no "culture clash", as it was utterly homogeneous. There was one black family (literally), and, as sheer randomness would have it, a Peruvian family. We thought the Peruvians were crazy, but Caesar turned out to be pretty cool to party with in high school.

As an aside, and I haven't thought about this in years, the three kids in the Black family were well-integrated, active, and even popular in school, and strangely, I don't recall ever hearing them put down. I was always friendly with Marc, who was my age, but his brother Tony was a bad-ass, and it was known by third grade that any sissy boy better steer clear. The sister was tall, pretty, and a majorette. I often wondered what it was like for that family, but no one ever discussed it.

Anyway, I remember sitting up nights as a child, when radio reception allowed one to listen to mega-stations out of Chicago and Philly. There was a world out there that was larger and more diverse, and it intrigued me. For example, none of my local radio stations had Marvin Gaye's "Whats Going On" in their playlist. That seems inconceivable, but there it is. I knew it existed, of course, because I had my handy Billboard Chart from the drugstore. So I tuned in at night and soon discovered it. Increasingly I had the sense that there were things "Going On" that weren't being acknowledged, and I wanted to know about them.

We GLBT people are orphans. And we've been forced to find refuge outside of family, outside of the "tribe". Sometimes it was only in our mind, but we clung to certain things to feel validated.

To me, having higher human qualities, e.g. empathy, is indistinguishable from an awareness of and respect for the Black civil rights struggle that took place in this country during my childhood. I was born the day all hell broke loose in Little Rock, though, of course, I didn't know it at the time. I'll bet many have seen pictures of the little girl in the white dress who braved the mob to go to school that day. That's how that episode is forever memorialized.

For some of us though, and privately, I think civil rights had a special significance, because we didn't have our own culture, our own example. We identified with it, even though it wasn't "us". Perhaps it was only "in our mind", but it sustained something in us.

Growing up, I was very attuned to music, and in my general dysphoria in being "different", often withdrew there. At some point, a glorious voice came into my life and achieved prominence; it must have come from someplace special, because it didn't sound like all the other voices. It had a quality that spoke more clearly than others to my own depth of feeling. The name of that voice was Aretha, and I came to idolize her. Later I would discover that the special voice had come out of something called gospel, which was performed in Black churches.

Now, dreams and reality sometimes don't meet up too well. Years later, I managed to score third row center tickets to an Aretha concert, and if you don't know that's big doin's, you're in the wrong thread. We're talking the Queen. Sadly, however, that night Ms. Franklin gave what might be described as a walk-through, a lackluster performance. It was disappointing, but it goes to show how sometimes in life, even idols can have a bad day.

In the bang-up world of "politics", the foregoing reminiscences would seem rather silly. But, if you could visit the world of the alienated young boy described, as I unexpectedly had occasion this week, it would tear your heart out.

The election of Barack was such an emotional time for everyone, a time of great joy, and we were bombarded with much "Fulfillment of the Dream". And we allowed ourselves to believe it, even emotionally dead casualties like myself. Deep places opened up inside that are normally kept tucked away, and we were more vulnerable than we would ordinarily allow. It was at that precise moment that we were reminded in no uncertain terms that the Dream had only ever been in our mind, and that we had, in fact, always been orphans.
___________________

File under "GLBT Heritage".

[bluedawg12]

1. (((Psyop Samurai))) I am sorry your hurting

I understand.

I feel the same. This GLBT forum has been my "music" and escape from the pain and it has been a source of support and great comfort and some laughs, too.

I wrote about this in a thread below and it is worth a report here.

But first I want to say that the way I figure it is like this: Everyone of these campaigns against gays is loaded with nasty language and slurs that tear at our very humanity.

That takes a toll on ourselves and our self esteem - if we don't nab it from the start. It's just natural to feelawful when peple describe who we are in our essence in such demeaning ways, for weeks and months all over the media.

That's why I posted the articles below. This phenom has been studied and it is predictable that oppression is bad for the soul.

That's why I am doing things to make it better for me, to take control of my life, by hanging with my peeps here on GLBT, by learning, trying to get a handle on what is behind human behavior, fear of gays and bigotry.

By not being isolated, by finding community. It is essential not to be alone with this stuff.

I can't iamgine any group in America enduring such sustained assualts on their idenity for decades.

Then Prop8 was the last straw - taking away rights and preceeding it with ugly anti-gay rhetoric.

Some find comfort in action, in bonding, in writing in being with the best and the brightest- the GLBT community. I do.

I hope you feel better about things. I am glad you posted, please come back often. Check out the Pet/critter thread we posted for fun. Don't isloate come and stay a while.

bests- and peace
bd 12

............
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=221x89114

Because it's normal to feel this way. Looks like there have been some studies on this and it's pretty common reaction.


GLBT Brothers and Sisters -

Just listening to Barack Obama now on TV , “America place where all things are possible... the road will be long, the climb will be steep” ...but maybe not for me, not for others like me in the GLBT community, maybe we feel like outsiders.

I wonder if it has occurred to anyone in the straight world who criticize our reaction that the Democratic party was our “safe space,” and for many of us that perception has been shaken.

Well, there has been some research on this that’s very interesting.

I am not asking for straight empathy nor sympathy, maybe just some understanding and some understanding for us about how natural our feelings are at this time.

It’s the week-end, Saturday night - have some fun, relax Sunday. Take care of yourselves. In five years today won’t matter, besides, history is progressive and on our side.

Peace -

bd12

...............

Am J Community Psychol. 2003 Jun;31(3-4):313-28.
Stressor and resilience factors for lesbians, gay men, and bisexuals confronting antigay politics. Russell GM, Richards JA.

Institute for Gay and Lesbian Strategic Studies, Amherst, Massachusetts 01004-2603,
When lesbian, gay, and bisexual (LGB) people encounter antigay campaigns and elections, they face explicit and implicit homophobic attacks. In order to understand the points of stress and the bases for resilience in the face of these attacks, we developed a 130-item quantitative survey on the basis of results of an earlier qualitative study. Three hundred, sixteen Colorado LGB people endorsed items representing sources of stress and sources of resilience associated with the campaign for and passage of an antigay referendum. Factor analyses of the results suggested 5 sources of stressors and 5 sources of resilience for LGB persons and their communities.

These types of messages undermine the basic value and humanity of LGB people.

It is reasonable to expect that exposure to such materials and to discussions about LGB rights can constitute a stressor for at least some LGB people, even when specific election outcomes favor LGB rights.

When election outcomes do not support equal rights for LGB people, an additional set of stressors may come into play.

An antigay electoral decision suggests to LGB people that they are not full members of the community; it may increase legal concerns in matters of employment and housing; it raises concerns that antigay votes will unleash broader forms of harassment and violence (Booth, 1992; Spring, 1992; Stepanek, 1992).

In addition, some LGB people, especially those who tend to deny the pervasiveness of homonegativity, may find their denial compromised (Russell, 2000).


.........

J Homosex. 2007;53(4):173-99.
The relation of social support, connectedness, and collective self-esteem to the psychological well-being of lesbian, gay, and bisexual youth.Detrie PM, Lease SH.
Rhodes College, Memphis, TN

The present study extended the research on the mental health of lesbian, gay, and bisexual (LGB) youth by testing the relationship of social support, social connectedness, and collective self-esteem to psychological well-being in a sample of 218 LGB youth. Perceived social support significantly predicted psychological well-being subscales; social connectedness and collective self-esteem contributed significantly to the psychological well-being of the LGB participants when controlling for perceived social support.

......

Psychol Bull. 2003 Sep;129(5):674-97.
Prejudice, social stress, and mental health in lesbian, gay, and bisexual populations: conceptual issues and research evidence.Meyer IH.
Department of Sociomedical Sciences, Mailman School of Public Health, Columbia University

In this article the author reviews research evidence on the prevalence of mental disorders in lesbians, gay men, and bisexuals (LGBs) and shows, using meta-analyses, that LGBs have a higher prevalence of mental disorders than heterosexuals.

The author offers a conceptual framework for understanding this excess in prevalence of disorder in terms of minority stress--explaining that stigma, prejudice, and discrimination create a hostile and stressful social environment that causes mental health problems.

The model describes stress processes, including the experience of prejudice events, expectations of rejection, hiding and concealing, internalized homophobia, and ameliorative coping processes. This conceptual framework is the basis for the review of research evidence, suggestions for future research directions, and exploration of public policy implications.

“Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding...”

[Psyop Samurai]

10. Thanks, bluedawg12!

I'm ok, and thanks for your info and very welcoming message. I'm going to read things over more carefully in the morning.

I wanted to write a context piece while certain things were fresh, and just put it out there. I'm not sure what value it has, but it may speak to some.

Thanks much, and I'll be back.

:hug:

[Psyop Samurai]

13. good morning, bluedawg...

I was reading through your material, and this one jumped out at me:

In addition, some LGB people, especially those who tend to deny the pervasiveness of homonegativity, may find their denial compromised (Russell, 2000).

lol! Yup, my denial's been compromised!

But while I may be out of touch, I am not oblivious. Most folks here would probably find me an old stick-in-the-mud, but I'm not as unaware or unconcerned as you might think. I have prioritized in recent years to the best of my abilities, according to my own conscience. I've been more concerned about little girls getting their arms blown off in Iraq, and the fact that if we didn't get rid of these right-wing fucks, we could all end up in ovens. I assert my place at the "adult table".

Now, that is not the wholest approach, and I am entirely fallible. I do isolate, and I have cut parts of myself off. Like many, I have been traumatized, but it has not, in recent years, had anything to do with anti-gay discrimination.

I tend to be a loner, but do accomplish some good in the world. I hold my head up in a mostly straight world and bridge some gaps and earn respect. But mine, of course, is but one small story in our collective struggle. Times have moved on, and the younger generation especially has higher expectations. We all experience times of personal reassessment. I think recent events have proved a catalyst for many.

[bluedawg12]

20. Denial exists for a reason

to keep sane. LOL.

The other thing I really found interesting is the effect of the politics and rhetoric of gay issues on the media affects us.

I almost sh*t when JerryFatwell blamed 9-11 on gays and the usual suspects and Katrina and Hategee's message about NOLA and gays.

Hearing this crap day in day out has a negative effect on people. There is some light at the end of the tunnel, one study I saw shows that the incidence of depression type/stress type symptoms are lessening in younger gays because of better networking and acceptance and changes in society.

The other thing that makes a difference is the inter net. Many people came out to comment and had good, bright ideas to share, and some indicated they lived in remote places, small towns, etc.

One of the reasons some of this hate speech isn't causing people to withdraw and maybe become closeted is that we can reach each other on the inter net.

You comment on priorities is inter sting, I bet it's not uncommon among us that many are activists in good social causes, the war, climate, the GE, etc and maybe we have placed our own interests last?

We are a couple living in the midst of a straight community, we are respected ( well, who knows, now I wonder)
and have each other, but, there are people whose bigotry is palpable just next door. The saving grace are the good Democrats across the street and a few doors down who treat us a human beings and not some object of scorn.

If you do good things, keep doing them and be proud, as we all should be. I hope you come around and post as often as you are able.

peace -

bluedawger

[Winnipegosis]

2. Chill out a bit.

The end of the world is NOT at hand.

[bluedawg12]

3. The end of gay acceptance of bigotry is at hand, however. n/t

[Winnipegosis]

4. It's

been at hand for quite a while.

[bluedawg12]

5. Sometimes the best way to chill out

is by speaking up and being with supportive people.

Beyond that, as far as an end to the hate: These people have opened a can of worms and probably will do more to unite the GLBT community then they ever intended. Blow back is a biatch.

[Winnipegosis]

6. You might be right.

Then again, you might piss off those elements that voted yes, as well.

I don't know what side will benefit more if a screaming match ensues.

[Moloch]

7. hahahaha

Winnipegosis.

That's very clever.

[Winnipegosis]

9. Not as clever as

YOURS.

Oh well.

[DonCoquixote]

8. something to remember

First off, there has been talk that somehow those AAs and Latinos put these amendments on the books. I cannot speak for CA, but I am a Florida Latino, who voted against amendment 2 (our own version) and helped put on openly gay man on our county Commission Kevin Beckner. We threw out Brain Blair, arch conservative idiot, who lept to prominence attacking Gay people.

At one point, I was for the idea of Civil Unions that had ALL repeat ALL the rights therein; kids, property, the whole 9 yards. I liked this idea because I thought there should be a union that is all government without the stink of religion on it. However, since the bigots down here banned civil unions, now they will need to simply swallow marriage. Not that Florida will accept it, especially since our governor is suspected of being in the closet.

Of course, we know we are handing the enemy the one sacred bullet they need to get back prominence, but that does not keep it from being the right thing to do. We need to tell the Church to render under caesar that which is caesar's, and leave civil marriages alone! Do not assume all those brown people threw you under the bus.

[Psyop Samurai]

15. If there's one thing this week has taught me, it is to assume nothing...

...and to begin educating myself better, a still-developing process.

I have moved on from where the hurt was, but I wanted to document it anyway, because I wanted to capture a piece of humanity, however flawed or naive. Sometimes things live inside us that are not entirely rational, and we can see how, unexamined, they do not lead to the best actions.

Thanks for your response, and sincere thanks to GLBT DUers of color in general. I think you've enlightened many of us this week, and really helped put things in the proper context.

[glowing]

11. I'm wondering if this is the way the suffragists felt when African American

males received voting status before women.. I've read it was to cause a divide... Before, the unity was strong.. working together for equality.. This issue broke the cause. Similarly, we can point to many different eras throughout our young democracy where we can find deliberate divisions created to keep people from working together for a more common purpose; a more perfect union... The civil war actually brought war, neighbor against neighbor; brother against brother. This is another wedge issue. The great clash of the minorities. If you are too few to make inroads, you must join forces. If the forces can be divided, then progress is diverted, and the wealthy 1% sigh relief that they've divided the forces and staved off another 10yrs or so of no one paying attention to their real intentions. I'd have to say, Rev. King wouldn't think we are anywhere near the top of the mountain. We've made some inroads, but as long as one person does not know freedom, then we are not free.

[Psyop Samurai]

17. Yep, divide and conquer is alive and well...

Though I did not foresee how it would play out, I've known for a while that this strategy was afoot, and there were some big money bastards behind it. I also knew there were some churches that WERE NOT buying into it, and that there was division within the AA community.

Still, it made me feel bad when one of Dr. King's daughters was marching in Atlanta with the anti-gay contingent, and it's something that ate at me under the surface. Then the events of this week led into an emotional trap.

We must now make every effort to bridge the gap and diffuse negativity. We must find a way that does not alienate potential allies.

Thanks for your reply.

[Lyric]

12. I know exactly how you feel.

Sometimes I'm able to forget for a moment, and to start looking forward rather than back. I start to feel like part of the discussion at the "adults" table. And then someone comes along to shoo me right back to the kid's table, and admonish me for even thinking it could be otherwise.

Like this:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x4427995

*sigh*

[RetiredTrotskyite]

14. Sadly, I am beginning to wonder....

If our turn will EVER come. No matter when we bring up marriage equality, it is never the right time. Does the Democratic Party care about us or only our votes?

[bluedawg12]

16. Good question. Are there any polls specifically about Dem attitudes

towards gay equality/rights issues?

[tblue]

18. I am so sorry we let you down. But we, as a people, will get there.

I promise. Keep your eye on the prize. I will, too. :hug:

[Psyop Samurai]

19. Thanks, tblue...

Yes we will. :hug: