An Open Letter To My Gay Brothers and Sisters

[varkam]

I struggled for a while to come up with a title to this post. I really didn't know if it was appropriate to refer to my brothers in sisters in a member of a group of which I am not one - but then I realized that we are members of the same group. We're both members of the human race and, for me, that is enough. Forgive me, however, if some of you take offense to that and I hope that you will allow me that indulgence in order to say next what it is that I want to...what I have to say.

I am sorry.

I have been letting my feelings percolate on Prop 8 for a few days now, not really know what to say or how to say it. The predominating emotion that I feel, that consumes me, is that of shame. I am ashamed for what has happened. I am ashamed that we, as a people, as this human race, could not recognize that the differences between us are minor in comparison to the things that we all share - namely a desire to love and be good to others and merely be happy and instead that we, as a people, continued the long-practiced tradition of division. Instead of embracing the notion that at the end of the day we are all human beings and, as such, have value and rights merely because we are people, apparently some of those among us have decided that you are less than, that you do not deserve the same rights, that you do not have the same value. All this, and simply because of a trait of yours that has absolutely no bearing on them, or anyone else other than the person that you are able to love, the person that you are able to spend your life with.

I am sorry.

I don't really know any other way to say it. I know that my words don't, much less my apologies, mean much. I haven't been in the struggle - I'm white, male, American, and straight - and so I really haven't had to know the sting that comes with that kind of prejudice, that kind of oppression, that kind of bigotry. But I can say that it makes me hurt inside. It makes me pain, and wish that, above all else we - as a people - could simply recognize the basic fact that we all love something, are afraid of something, and have lost something and that nothing else really matters.

I used to read James Baldwin back during my undergraduate years. One of his books, The Fire Next Time, contained a passage that has always stuck with me. Paraphrasing: The notion of a gay problem is really a misnomer, because it is really not a problem with gay people. Instead, it is a problem with straight people. As soon as straight people learn to love and accept themselves, there will be no more gay problem because the gay problem will no longer be needed. That might not happen today, and it might not happen tomorrow, but it will happen.

And while I'm at it, apologies to James Baldwin, as well.

Thank you for reading - and I sincerely hope that this doesn't offend.

[beam me up scottie]

1. varkam

You also speak for me.

As always.

:hug:

[foxfeet]

2. Thanks, varkam.

:hi:

[Irishonly]

3. Thank you

I know the feeling in my heart but at times I have foot in the mouth disease. I cried when prop 8 passed. I cried at the hate, the feeling that animals were more important than our brothers and sisters and then I became angry. We all travel down the same path and we should walk together.

[Jamastiene]

4. Off to the Greatest Page... Recommend #5

Thank you. You "get it." :hug:

[yardwork]

5. Thank you so much for your kind post!

Yes, we are all brothers and sisters of the human family.

I've been overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and kindness from DUers this past week.

[keepCAblue]

6. Thank you Varkam. Your words give solace to fill the void...

I run a pet care service and have had several long-term clients whom I have come to care about deeply over the past couple years, as I care for their "children" on nearly a daily basis. I have always been there, even at last minute's notice, to make sure their fur-kids are taken care of.

September 12th, my partner and I were married. Many of these clients rejoiced with and for us. When asked about wedding gifts, we asked that any money spent on wedding gifts instead be donated to the No on 8 campaign, and they did and eagerly told us of their donations and of their opposition to Prop 8.

Since the election, now eight days ago, not one of my clients has mentioned anything about prop 8's passing nor expressed even one word of condolence. Every day that goes by without any expression from the people I care for and thought cared for me, is a punch in the gut. Every day of their silence, I die inside a little more. Today, it took every bit of strength and resolve I had to get myself up and out the door to go care for their animals, all the while trying to understand their silence.

So, Varkam, I will take your words into my heart and cling to them. They are all I have right now. I have to stop writing now because I can't stop the crying.

But, again, thank you.

[tavalon]

8. I'm guessing they just don't know what to say

It's weird that people don't realize that "I'm sorry" is really all that needs to be said but in not realizing that, I think people get scared they will say something bad. It's the same impulse that keeps people from saying anything to people who've lost a partner or a child or parent or even pet. Awkwardness and fear of hurting the person further leads to silence which unfortunately, leads to the very thing they are trying to avoid. In other words, try to forgive them for this mistake of silence, it's not a sign that they don't care only that they don't know what to say.

[bluedawg12]

7. Thank you for the kind words.

:grouphug: