How old were you when you came out?

[mondo joe]

Or if you came out in stages, what were the milestone ages?

Or, um, if you haven't come out yet, at what age do you think you will?

[Arctic Dave]

1. Our daughter came out when she was seventeen.

She has been happy ever since.

[Malikshah]

2. I was 32. Late bloomer. Lots of wasted time.

Finally accepted myself for myself and been better for it.

[TechBear_Seattle]

3. It was 3:56pm on March 26, 1983, in Tucson. I was 15

What can I say, I was a neurotic journal-keeper at the time, and the moment seemed important enough to note.

I came out to my parents on May 18, 1983, at 7:28pm. My mom was sure that I had either been seduced by some pervert and needed protection, or was pulling some kind of joke in a cruel effort to get attention and deserved to be punished. So, she hit upon an all-purpose response: I was grounded. That lasted two weeks.

The following year was rough and included a suicide attempt. By the time March 26 rolled around again, I was so surprised at still being alive that I ditched school and took myself out to lunch. Since then, March 26 has been a kind of anniversary for me, my own personal Pride festival.

For many years, May 18 was the opposite, a day for "sackcloth and ashes" and commemorating those who did not survive. My mom eventually came to accept me; basically, I issued an ultimatum that she either accept all of me as her son or lose me. I was 26 at that time, but didn't record the date.

[mondo joe]

4. To answer my own question: 12 when I came out to my family.

In high school I was out to my friends and though I can't say I was OUT out to everyone else I didn't pretend to be straight.

[madmadmad]

5. at 17 (1980) to friends in hghschool (i was kind of outed) and around 20 to family

[Amimnoch]

6. Mine is/has been in stages.

In my teens, I was extremely hateful and homophobic.. in retrospect, it was hating others as a result of hating myself, and my own feelings.

At 18, after I joined the US Navy, I had my first homosexual experience.
At 21, I came out to friends and family, but still chose to remain closeted at work (US Navy).
At 25, I got out of the Navy, and vowed never to lie about my sexuality again.

Because of the industry atmosphere I work in, I make it a point not to bring up my sexuality at work, but neither do i lie about it anymore when directly questioned on it.

[peruban]

7. Never came out.

I've always sympathized for LGBT, and that cost me a lot of beatings from my father when I was going through an androgynous stage in school. You see, homosexuality is a major taboo in Latin families. It was so bad that my mother asked me to sit down and give me "we love you no matter what you are" speech. I was astonished and insulted.

I have to admit that I'm pretty much bi, but I've never acted on it, despite a handful of offers. I'm most attracted to women and have been married.

In high school while other boys were learning shop, I was performing in theater, taking home-ec, and learning to play guitar. Now I can recite entire Shakespearean monologues, cook exotic and gourmet foods, sew my own clothes, and can play a sweet guitar.

So this effeminate part of myself is something that I cherish since it makes me have compassion and appreciation of fine art, music, poetry, and the LGBT community. However, because of the way I was raised I will never "come out", I will take these feelings to the grave. I prefer celibacy, at least then you can say that you're piety has brought you to this point.

Sure, I hide behind my religion but I believe in it.

[ToolTex]

10. I came out when I was 38, after an 18 year hetero marriage. To answer Mondo's OP.

But have to say that your post made me sort of sad.

I personally don't equate being Gay with effeminacy. Although I am aware of a Latin acquaintance that also seems to.

I define being Gay for myself as an interest, attraction, and affection for other men. In my mind, for me, being Gay has nothing to do with my talents, abilities, or sensitivities. I really don't see appreciation of art, etc, is a gender-pref or same-sex attraction issue.

I wish I had come out much earlier and not missed so much real life. But I do have wonderful supportive children, that probably I would not otherwise have.

[peruban]

15. My apologies.

I'm sorry I upset you. My admission of being even the slightest bit attracted to the male figure causes me much guilt and emotional pain. I'm a Catholic and you pretty much know where the stance is there. If your gay and Catholic, you either try to form a heretical/alternative church reformation group, excommunicate yourself from the church and maybe join one more tolerant, or commit to celibacy and study in a seminary for few years to become a priest.

That was a little harsh and, again, I'm sorry if I offended you.

About the effeminacy comment I made - I know that gays come in all shapes and sizes, I've met gay tough guys (like he could snap your neck like a chicken) as well as the "fabulously" flamboyant. I've met may gay lawyers, addicts, divas, and "other". So I don't mean to be condescending by assuming that all gays are effeminate artists, - I know they aren't - I was just trying to point out that artistic endeavors are mostly appreciated and produced by the LGBT community. Think of the painters, the writers, the sculptors, the dramatists, and even the philosophers. I can name few off the top of head:

Oscar Wilde, Douglas Simonson, Tennessy Williams, Andy Warhol, Frida Kahlo, and Alan Ginsberg.

Because I was fairly androgynous and celibate in high school, except for a handful of girlfriends, I got beaten up almost every day. Strangely, though, they never called me a faggot or anything like that, they just noticed that I thin and scrawny and thus, an easy target. But I did feel that my extracurricular activities, music, literature, and philosophy were, shall we say?, less than masculine.

Now I want to ask you a question and get your opinion on something. How did you come to realize you were gay so late in the game? Was it like a switch that turned on all of sudden, did it build up overtime time, or are some of your earliest memories of being attracted to men?

Like I said before, I may be Catholic but I am accepting of others and I applaud their courage.

[pnwmom]

18. There are a couple more alternatives for Catholics, peruban.

Some Catholic parishes are more gay-friendly than others. My late father and his partner, and his partner's adopted children, became actively and openly involved in a Catholic parish that the partner attends to this day (even though he wasn't raised Catholic.) I think I remember my father mentioning that one of the more recent pastors was gay himself (though celibate), and that he had only left the parish in order to pursue a ministry with A.I.D.'s patients.

There is also a Catholic group called Dignity, for gay and lesbian Catholics.

[peruban]

20. Thank you.

You've given me a few new resources to study and I appreciate it. What I'd like to say that everyone is welcome in the eyes of the church so I'm not surprised that there are gay friendly parishes, it's just that the Vatican is holding its homophobic/birth control stance on this issue.

And we all know how hard it is for the Vatican to embrace change. Pope John Paul II just acquitted Galileo Galilee on heresy by stating the the earth and heavens move, despite doctrinal scripture that claims the Earth has four corners and the heavens are fixed. When Galileo was asked by the royal court to explain himself, he instead his model correct and so instead of executing a prominent astronomer He would spend the rest of is days under house arrest.

Again, I'm sorry, this is all a little too dialectical for a simple "thank you" post. I tend to get wordy at this time in the morning.

[yardwork]

31. Thank you for your posts here.

It's terrible that you were beaten by your school mates and father!

There are so many things I want to say in response to your posts - you have touched on so many important topics. Human beings are so complicated. I think that there are more than two sexes. There are straight males and straight females, and there are gay males and lesbian females, and then there are all kinds of other combinations. It sounds like you are both androgynous in your sexual self-identity (partly male, partly female) and also somewhat bi-sexual in your sexual orientation (somewhat attracted to men, more attracted to women). Even in the gay community, there is a lot of misunderstanding of the difference between sexual identity (how we see ourselves - male, female, androgynous, something in-between...) and sexual orientation (who turns us on).

There are so many stereotypes, even in the gay community. I didn't realize I was a lesbian until I was middle-aged partly because the stereotype of "lesbian" in my small-town rural community was totally different from me. I'm a feminine-looking person who likes to dress up, wear makeup and high heels, the whole thing. At the same time, I love to do "masculine" things like woodworking (I was mad that I wasn't allowed to take shop in middle-school - all girls had to take home economics and all boys had to take shop, no trading!).

My partner is Catholic. She is an androgynous lesbian Latina who is devoutly Catholic. Of course, she intensely dislikes the current pope and doesn't go to Mass anymore because of the Catholic Church's idiotic attitudes about sexuality and women's rights.

You can be a bisexual Catholic.

[pnwmom]

16. Someday you might surprise yourself.

My father probably thought the same things you do when he was young. Homosexuality was a major taboo in his era and culture. He was a strong Catholic and even considered becoming a Priest, before he married my mother. They had five children together.

As one of those children, I don't recommend his path. Trying to repress his true feelings wasn't a solution that made anyone happy -- not my father, not my mother, and none of the children growing up in that dark atmosphere.

I was 26 when my parents finally divorced; my father was 50. I understand why my father, as a young man in the 50's, felt that he had no choice; that the only acceptable path was to marry a woman and deny his true feelings. But both he and my mother were so much happier after he came out of the closet. After we all came out of the closet.

If you become serious about a woman in the future, I hope you'll be honest with her about your bisexuality (and not just assume that she somehow knows). Most of all, I hope you'll always be honest with yourself.

[tblue]

8. I'm straight, but I just want to show my solidarity and

applaud all of you for your courage. I want to thank you for being yourselves. This world is so fortunate to have the uniqueness of each of you. You are providing invaluable lessons to all of us on how people should treat one another. I promise you I will not rest until human rights are denied to no human being. I really wish I could know you personally. :grouphug: I'll step out now, because this is your forum and I don't want to crash your party.

[yardwork]

32. Thank you for your kind words. You can be assured that I will always fight for your human rights!

[Fearless]

41. And I.

:hug:

[Ms. Toad]

9. About a month before my 25th birthday.

Married, at the time. Made it kind of awkward. Been with the same woman ever since - 27+ years.

[Eryemil]

11. I was 13, on my last year of middle school (8th grade)

I started high school as an out teen and have never looked back.
We cannot let the world shame us into silence. For each of us that stands up we make things easier for every other queer person out there.

I've always seen being out and honest as my personal responsibility. And I thank every other GLBT person out there that made it relatively easy for me to be who I am, it is through their sacrifices that my generation will finally see true liberty in this country. I am sure of it.

[Eryemil]

12. I'm a 19yo university student now by the way

[kevinbgoode]

13. I was 21. . .I came out to my best friend in 1976

. . .we were listening to the then big album "Diana Ross" - the one when Love Hangover was a megahit and anthem in the gay discos.

Ironically, tonight I've been listening to a later song of the diva as I think about how amazing my community is to organize demonstrations in over 300 cities in a week. We have a long way to go, but I have no doubt we'll be getting there if we just keep on going:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CnzmPrsLXn8

[piesRsquare]

14. Came in stages...

"Fully realized it" at 20...

Came out to best friend at 21...

Came out to the parents at 22...mother told me to stay out of her sight while she cried all afternoon. She still thinks I'll "outgrow" it (or that I already have "outgrown" it), and once said to me (in my 20's) that once I have long-term psychotherapy when my medications are properly balanced (depression, AD/HD, epilepsy), "it (i.e. bisexuality) might go away"...

Told sister (and brother-in-law) at 26...

I'm bi, with a stronger inclination towards men than women...I tend to keep it to myself...

I'm now 36. Still single.

[terrya]

17. I was 22 when I came out to my family

[Lyric]

19. 20. My Mom was weird about it for roughly 2 months, and then

she changed her mind. Now my family loves my partner as much as they love me, and Mom considers her as another daughter. I am 29, by the way. We'll be celebrating our 10th Anniversary next July, shortly after my 30th birthday.

:hi:

[lightningandsnow]

21. 13, to pretty much everyone.

I'm still coming out thought, and I'm not out to my extended family. The whole thing with thinking I was bi, than I was only attracted to females, than again realizing I was bi/pan/queer complicates things a bit, but I've been out as "not straight" since I was 13.

[MNBrewer]

22. I was 21.

43 now.

[ColoradoMagician]

23. 19, almost twenty years ago

have had a great gay life too.

[foxfeet]

24. I was 18, a sophomore in college in 1969.

Been at it ever since; partnered with a great man for 23 years now.:loveya:

[GreenFiles]

25. 15

[insleeforprez]

26. 17.

[dsc]

27. to my family 20

to my coworkers been in and out in different places came out here at 39. To my students well, kind of don't ask don't tell. I am presumed to be gay, don't take any effort to hide, but don't answer. I had intended to this semester but have a really rough class so decided against. I might this coming semester. I know that I should take that step at some point I just have to decide when.

[yardwork]

28. 45. I didn't know that I was a lesbian until I was 45.

I'm an example of deep denial.

I had relationships with other women when I was a young teen, but didn't think that that "counted" because I didn't match the stereotypical idea of "lesbian" that I had been taught. Then I started drinking heavily and slept with men because that was the script that I thought was laid out for me - get married, buy a house, have kids. I did all that and was miserable, couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. The husband was a very nice and kind man, good father and husband, I couldn't figure out what was wrong.

Then one day I realized that I had fallen in love with a female friend and not only was I in love, I was more strongly sexually attracted to her than I had ever been to anyone before in my life and then it just hit me. All the memories of my childhood relationships, all the feelings I'd had for women in college that I had dismissed as "just friendships," everything fell into place and I realized that I've always been a lesbian.

At that moment of revelation I realized that I was going to leave my husband, get a full-time job with benefits, and live openly as a lesbian. I did.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

29. 19, 23, 25, 27, 28: as a bi person i had to come out a lot because every time i dated a boy

everyone forgot that i still like girls.

[DarkTirade]

43. D'oh. I hate that.

[tjwmason]

30. Started at 21

Came out to myself and to close friends at university almost immediately afterwards.

A couple of years later fell out of the closet rather than came out to my parents - since then out to anybody who bothers to ask.

At work nobody had asked for the first 18 months (though I'm sure a couple had suspicions), then on the same day two people asked in about 10 minutes of each other.

[GodlessBiker]

33. I was 20.

[dickthegrouch]

34. 16 (and again at 19)

(That was in 1972 just 5 years after decriminalization of gay acts in UK)

My parents were convinced it was just a phase at 16, and I had to agree to counseling and an open mind. Luckily the counselor was such a nut job himself that I just used the sessions to talk about how I felt about the other kids in my class and get him to suggest ways I could cope with their taunts.

After I left home to go to college I came out to them again and got a somewhat better reaction.

These days they are totally supportive and love my partner as much as me.

[bluedawg12]

35. Just to be clear: "Came out" means told someone about your identity as gay

it does not mean first sexual encounter.

I only say this in case someone (Str8) unfamiliar with the term "coming out" as in coming out of the closet and telling someone ( family, friends, teacher, counselor) the truth about who we are and how we feel somehow be misconstrued by a passing lurker as gays advocate something entirely different about acting on those feelings at an early age.

[WillParkinson]

36. I came out in stages....

Most all of my friends knew when we were teenagers (15/16).

My mom found out from the "Kiss Me I'm Gay" button I got from my first Chicago Pride Parade (1988).

My dad found out from an article in the newspaper about a friend of mine who was a Gay Republican (yeah, I know. Nice guy but he let his parents be too much in charge of his life).

Since that day I've never hid the fact that I was gay.

[bluedawg12]

37. I told a fellow HS student friend who was very politically active

in counter culture politics at the time only to find out that this so called friends could see all forms of tolerance and understand oppression, execept for being gay.

[Wine and music]

38. Came out...

I came out at 21 when I was in the Air Force.

[Psyop Samurai]

39. 18 (1975/76)

I didn't know any gay people at the time, and there weren't any on TV or anything. I always knew it was the worst possible thing you could be. It was a supreme act of defiance when I rejected the lie, and asserted the truth. I was emboldened by publications I found when I got to college. Those were rocky times.

It amuses me that I was with my family in Greenwich Village in the summer of '69, right after Stonewall. Who knew? :shrug:
_____
on edit:

12?! :wow:

[Fearless]

40. Midnight on my 21st birthday publically, before that privately.

Best damn present I've gotten to date! Plus just about every time I meet someone new since. LOL.

[DarkTirade]

42. 19.

Although I wish I'd come out a year and a half or two and a half years earlier... I totally had a crush on a friend of mine in high school and he came out around junior year. :P