Categories of Laws Involving Marital Status - This is Not a Single Issue

[Zuiderelle]

Cross posted here since it will sink in GD.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=389&topic_id=4480012&mesg_id=4480012

Even though I've known that I'm gay for 27 years now, it's only been in the past few years that I've really researched and cared about what benefits we don't have. And the only reason I can think for this is that I now have a partner and child who I worry about and want to provide for in the event of my death. I want to marry my partner because we love each other, but it's with the intent of protecting her and my son. We've done what we can, drawing up wills and such, but the taxation penalties we have for being gay (and that's what I'm calling them now, penalties) prohibit us from a quality of life that straight people don't even realize they have.

In income tax penalties and health insurance alone, I pay about $10,000 more per year than a straight married person in my circumstance would pay. That's $10,000 a year I could be saving for our child's college education, or investing for our retirement. That means more years of work after I reach retirement age to have the amount of money a straight married person in my position would have simply by virtue of being married.

This doesn't even consider the amount of money my partner will have to shell out in taxes if I die and leave her my half of our property. And it doesn't consider that all the money I paid into Social Security will go right back into the government coffers to pay STRAIGHT people's spouses, and she won't get a dime.

I think part of the difficulty of this battle for equality is that the list of benefits is SO ENORMOUS that it's hard to fathom or digest. So many people, straight and gay, don't worry about their death until they get older and/or have children or families to worry about. I really don't think that a lot of gay young people (or straight young people) have any inkling about the vast number of benefits that are assumed under marriage, or how much actual monetary value it has. Coupled with that is the tendency of the young to not consider themselves mortal, or worry about what would happen to them if they became disabled or incapacitated. We lose a whole section of the citizenry of the country to ignorance of the benefits of marriage, simply because they don't really understand it all themselves.

This should be required reading for every gay person in America and for every American who cares about civil rights.

[xchrom]

1. recommend

[RedLetterRev]

2. And kicking

Not to mention that wills are zero protection.

I have witnessed the atrocities that families who would have nothing to do with a couple during life would visit upon the survivor. I've seen a couple build up a successful business, have a home and a life together, bank up over seven figures together, having been together over 30 years. One died and his family swooped in, fought the will, turned the survivor out in the street with nothing -- nothing -- for 30 years of devotion. That money, home, business, and security were his. He earned it with his love, devotion, loyalty, sweat and tears. In an instant and a brutal ruling, vultures who couldn't be bothered to so much as say "hello" before stole everything. He got the clothes on his back and nothing else. The deceased partner's family even cleaned out all the bank accounts, real estate they'd had together, and all. There was no division. They got it all.

Not only do we pay more all along to finance baby-bounty tax-breaks for hetero families for which we derive neither benefit nor thanks, we're often stomped on after our partners die. I'd say, more often than not.

We put up with bigotry every day of our lives. Our partners have it shoved in their faces after the other partner dies. There is no such thing as an iron-clad will. That goes one-hundred-fold in our case.

[Zuiderelle]

3. You're right. Our lawyer told us as much when we drew up our wills.

In this horridly anti-gay state of Michigan, not only are we not allowed to enter in any contracts that even RESEMBLE marriage, but our wills are really just a guideline or "wishlist" for what we would like to have done with our estates.

I seriously do fear that one of my brothers will come in and try to steal everything from my family if I die.

[RedLetterRev]

5. You wouldn't believe how many hetero folks

take it for granted and just toss the advice out "oh, just make a will" as if a will meant something. Unfortunately, too many LGBTQ folks take that as gospel.

Bravo for you both for having checked.

As for a brother coming and stealing everything, it happened to me. My brother convinced my dad on his deathbed to change his will because I was gay and didn't deserve anything. Nice, huh! I warned my dad that my brother was his worst bet and I wound up in a bitter battle. I wound up cleaning up the mess and footing the bills. I also warned my dad that my brother would take would take whatever inheritance he got and stick it up his nose, up his arm, or drink it down his throat and wouldn't last another two years. He beat my expectations by 6 months and did himself in in under a year and a half.

I was lucky in that I could produce two prior holographic wills demonstrating equal division. My brother tried to make a scene in the courtroom about me being gay after appearing drunk and denying that he was. (You could smell it all over the small chamber.) He didn't count on the fact that the judge was a member of the tribe (HEH!) and not inclined to put up with wacko freeper liars. Fairness won that day. But that was an extremely rare exception. My friends I spoke of before weren't so lucky. I could name a few other cases I know of. Nine times out of nine and a quarter, hostile families and hostile courts will ruin a surviving queer spouse "just to make an example".

[Zuiderelle]

6. I'm so sorry. What a rotten situation.

But, how lucky you were to get a fair judge. :toast: to that!!

My dad has decided that instead of leaving his children our inheritance outright, it will stay in a trust that we will have to petition to withdraw money from incrementally. And whatever money there is can only be inherited upon our death by BLOOD relatives. All my siblings have children so they are protected by that, but since my son is my partner's son by birth, and not mine, if I die, he gets nothing of that money. And she gets nothing either.

I guess after he passes away I will petition to withdraw money to pay for life insurance and to cover our mortgage payments until it's exhausted. That way, I can save my income so that hopefully all the money will be in my name by the time I die.

Most straight people really have no idea what we go through, do they?

[bluedawg12]

14. What about setting up an "estate"

a bit more costly, but, I gather it affords more protection.

[madmadmad]

4. thank you- i didn't even know some of these things!

so it important to get the owrd out to others about how truly financially and legally discriminating this is. it's also a good reason to point out that civil unions aren't enough- we need the same protections and privileges as everyone else, otherwise we are still vulnerable to conservative court decisions against us.

[kdpeters]

7. Kicked, Nominated and bookmarked

Bravo!!! Do you mind if I use this in my own arguments with well-meaning, ignorant acquaintances? You said it so well.

[Zuiderelle]

11. Use it.

With my blessings! :hi:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

8. your post made me cry a little

k&R

[Mike 03]

9. Bookmarking, printing out and studying, and kicking.

If this is true, it is an abomination.

Although, I've been married and divorced and single, and I can tell you horror stories about health insurance too. I don't even bother to have it anymore.

[Mike 03]

10. Holy Shit, I just saw your original post. Amazing....

I'm printing that out, and kicking and rec'ing it.

Okay, I promise to study this.

Everybody please give that a kick.

[foxfeet]

12. Thanks, well done!

K&R
:kick:

[bluedawg12]

13. That was excellent - thank you!

It should be mandatory reading for anyone who tries to pawn off civil unions on us.

The laws are buried deep - but pervasive, even down to land use, mineral rights and the selling of govt land in preference to married couples.