"Fuck Over the Gay Family" - is the real FOCUS

[LeftHander]

My partner at risk becasue we can't be married...

With his niece and nephew coming to live with us he had to apply for health insurance for them.

In doing so he invalidated his own health care. He was unable to receive a prescriptions and care because he had to enroll in a expensive private/public health plan to get health care coverage for his dependents he has been appointed guardian of. He is legally bound to provide health insurance for the children. They won't let me buy it because I cannot be listed on the forms. And we can't afford 700/month for what would be separate plans.

The quagmire of red tape has left him frustrated and me out of the loop and unable to do anything to help.

The system has built in roadblocks with a confusing jumble of forms and requirements that in the end only all but the most hearty and patient are capable of navigating. Numerous notices are being sent to him now from automated systems that make no sense.

He just found out after three months that he has been required to pay a substantial amount in based on a mailing that said..."Not Applicable" in the body of the bill. Not a single dollar amount listed anywhere as a result his doctors appointments were repeatedly canceled NOT BY HIM. The organization who had been giving him care called and saying they CANCELED HIS APPOINTMENT. THREE TIMES....!!

Now after seeing the DOC he can't get the new Rx...until I get paid this week and I pay for out of my pocket for something that he should be getting. We have paid a lot out for many things that straight couples would not have to pay for, things that come with BEING MARRIED!

AAAARRRRRRGGGHHHHH!!!

We cannot be married. We are not a couple in the eyes of the state. Now his health care has been interrupted because of red tape.

Banning marriage and anything that resembles marriage for same sex couples is not just about marriage. It is about the eforts by many HATERS at all levels of society keeping gay people from living full EQUAL lives. People go out of thier way to make us AND OUR FAMILIES SUFFER....

ON PURPOSE.

They know damn well that at any time they can pull the marriage card. Caring people who attempt to work around the system and do what is morally right put thier jobs on the line.

Because some prick goes by the rules and simply tosses aside applications and other paper work because we are a same sex couple trying to care for two teens in a system that doesn't allow for that.

I am frustrated and fearful for my partner who has lived this long because he has access to wonderful healthcare. But now we are family...and more and more roadblocks keep getting tossed in front of us.

Here is a list:

I cannot be listed as a guardian or parent.
I cannot list my all dependents on forms.
I cannot provide healthcare on my plan for my partner or his niece and nephew.
I cannot sign anything or make decisions for them. My partner has to do all that.
In the event anything happened to my partner the kids would be taken away.
In the event anything happened to them I could make no emergency decisions.

I am sure there are many more...

the real truth is the people behind Marriage bans are not simply preventing us from marrying. they are preventing us from equality in all aspects of a legal family definition.

Focus on the Family should really be called "Fuck Over the Gay Family". It focuses on preventing gay parent families from being just that they don't really care about marriage. They care more about making sure that we are not equal anywhere. BECAUSE THEY HATE US. THEY LOATHE OUR EXISTENCE.

WE ARE VERY JUSTIFIED IN BEING REALLY PISSED OFF!!!

[yardwork]

1. You're right.

The religious right is attacking gay people and anyone who differs from their conception of a "nuclear" family living in the suburbs and small towns in subdivisions buying mass-produced products. Ultimately this is all about power and money.

The corporatists made a deal with the religious right because their ultimate goals are the same - power and money. The corporations want the money and the political power to protect their interests. The religious right wants the power to dictate how people will live and the money to fund their own lavish, perverted desires.

Anyone who is "different" in any way from this rigid model is a threat to them. If you allow people to love the people they want to love, then pretty soon those people are going to start demanding the right to live the way they want to live. They're going to start questioning the entire political and economic structure.

We must be stopped. We are, indeed, a threat to them.

[azurnoir]

2. I am sorry to hear that

a suggestion though have your partner write a "document" giving you the power to arrange and supervise the kids medical care in the event he/she can not, just for good measure have it notarized, also it is possible via a will that your partner can designate you as kids guardian in the event of death or disability.
Best wishes
And yes it is fucked up that there are those more concerned with gender of childrens parents than in the quality of that parenting.

[LeftHander]

5. thanks for the tip....will do...nt

[nichomachus]

8. Please check with a lawyer before doing that -- this isn't a DIY project

These things -- especially regarding the care of children -- are much more complicated than just executing a home-made notarized document. It's quite possible the court would toss that out in about two seconds.

Child custody is a matter the courts take very very seriously. It's not a do-it-yourself situation.

I'm not saying these things can't be done, but you need a lawyer to advise you.

[azurnoir]

9. Actually I have done it

the medical part at least with one of my own children, and in Minnesota it does work.

[nichomachus]

10. I used to work in family court

and the saddest, most complicated cases were where people thought they could do it themselves -- then had to pay a lawyer a lot of money to try to untangle the mess they made of it.

[azurnoir]

17. As I said the permission for medical treatment worked in Minnesota

however the laws vary greatly from state to state on such matters, and I perhaps wrongfully assumed that when it came to a will and custody of children that for a matter of such legal gravity most people would consult a lawyer.
Note that I work in medical and know from both ends that such written permission from parents is accepted unnotarized at least in my state, I suggested it be notarized to make darn sure

[thrift_store_angel]

12. You really do need a lawyer...

Because in certain states (Virginia for example) it can't be done, and if that is the case you need to know this to know what to expect if something ever does happen.

[badgerpup]

13. Can you and your partner 'incorporate'?

It isn't marriage, but it might give you certain perks and priveleges that you are unable to get as single people...

Just for now, I mean...
I'm sincerely hoping you'll be able to have the real thing soon.

[LeftHander]

15. yeah got thinking about that....

It would be tossed...

I can apply for "Secondary Guardianship"...need to look into that.

[Bertha Venation]

3. FotF would be perfectly willing to adopt your new name for them, IF

you changed the word "Fuck" to something less offensive.

[NMMNG]

6. Right

Because their mission is to smash us into the ground with their boot heels in the least offensive sounding way possible.


Fuck them.

[LeftHander]

7. I couldn't think of one that started with "F".....sigh....nt

[NMMNG]

4. You are not a family in their eyes

You don't count. If you are not "one woman one man and a pile of children (preferably white and definitely Christian)" then you do not qualify as a "family" as far as their concerned.

We need to get the message out loud and clear. The RRRW does not own family. Nor do they own marriage, values, morality or any of the other things they keep trying to claim they do. Until that happens we will continue to lose.

[RetiredTrotskyite]

11. You Are Right, LeftHander...

THEY HATE US.

LFBTQ people pay through the nose every day, either financially or emotionally. We cannot have families because we don't fit the "nuclear" model. We can't have affordable health insurance because we are not allowed to have joint policies....the list goes on and on and on. Why? Because groups with antiquated religious beliefs don't want us to have rights.

I really feel for you and your partner. It sucks that we are not allowed to celebrate and legalise our love like the rest of the bloody population. "Focus on the Family" should truly be called "Fuck Up Gay Families"!

[LeftHander]

14. Sometimes I just cry....

The only thing...it seems. it is really hard and people just have not heard that side of the "Gay Marriage" story...

I love my partner deeply. We ARE a couple. We have two kids living with us and I have another in college.

We eat together at a big table. Play spades...laugh and cry. Go to school concerts and teacher conferences...

But we are NOT a family.

:sob:

[Prophet 451]

16. You have my sympathies

Over here (England), we have same-sex marriage in all but name. It's called "Domestic Partnership" but uses the same paperwork and was expressely written to be indentical to marriage in all respects (it was going to be called "marriage" but that was dropped for political expediancy).

My faith teaches that in the wild dance of creation, some will dance with the same sex and some with the opposite sex and it's all good because the key element, love, that most transcendent and rarest of emotions remains the same. The love shared between two men or two women is identical in quality to the love shared between husband and wife. Souls love, bodies are just temporary containers for that soul so why should we draw distinctions on what shape the container is allowed to be? It is so rare in this world to find that one who completes you that when it does happen, we have no business putting barriers in the way. The very first same-sex marriage here was granted a waiver of the normal 15-day waiting period because one partner was in the last stages of terminal cancer and as he died, his husband held him and comforted him and told him he was loved. Call me crazy but I always figured that, carrying your love when they can no longer do it themselves, was what marriage was all about.

Dude, tell me how I can help. I'm British. I can't go and knock on doors. I can donate money sometimes and when I can, I do. I can write emails and letters and articles but I don't know if that's enough, if there isn't something more I could do. Just tell me how I can help.