Bundles Of . . . Misery

[MountainLaurel]

Interesting research study.

Just as we're taking down the tree, organizing the new toys and stepping onto the scale comes a study finding that may make us wonder why we do it all: Parents are more likely to be depressed than people who do not have children.

Published last month in the Journal of Health and Social Behavior, the study of 13,000 U.S. adults found that parents, from those with young children to empty nesters, reported being more miserable than non-parents. The researchers analyzed data from a national survey of families and households that asked respondents how many times in the past week, for example, they felt sad, distracted or depressed. Unlike earlier studies, this one found moms and dads equally unhappy.

So: After all the sleepless nights and drowsy mornings, the cycles of feeding and throwing up, the American Girl doll accessories bought on credit, the toothpick models of the solar system and the algebra tutors . . . we would have been happier without it all?

In a word, says study author Robin Simon, an associate professor of sociology at Florida State University, yes. "Parents don't do as well as non-parents," she said.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/01/02/AR2006010201513.html?nav=rss_health

[zalinda]

1. It's probably because as parents we have more than one

person to worry about. Even when you're child is out of the house you still worry about them. As a parent, you usually don't put yourself first.

zalinda

[MADem]

2. I don't think that HAS to be true, if parents are PARENTS

...and not Keep-Up-With-the-Joneses, guilt-laden caterers to their kids--and the article does point that aspect out:

For the record, he doesn't necessarily accept the study's conclusion that people with children are more depressed. Still, "What parents need to know and should take away from this is that it's important to look after your own mental health, not to live vicariously through your child," he said.

People should have their own interests and look after their relationships the same way they look after their children. And if it all seems too overwhelming, it's worth seeking help from a professional.

"Being a good parent does not mean being totally absorbed in your children," he said.

There's something to be said for the old "Because I SAID SO" method of parenting (so long as it isn't the only method used).

[SmokingJacket]

3. I believe it.

I saw a poster soon after I had my first kid that said, "Having a child is like letting your heart walk around outside of your body." Yikes! That's exactly what it's like.

My children are a source of *enormous* joy to me, but the worry and stress certainly takes a toll.

[soothsayer]

4. Stress, sure, but depression? Maybe it's just the whole unfulfilled

dreams thing that so many parents (unconciously, usually) saddle their children with. Dunno! I have no kids and am not depressed, but my GF also has no kids and is seriously depressed (not about kids, just in general).

[SmokingJacket]

5. I think a lot of it, especially for young parents, is actually physical.

I know I nearly had a breakdown from lack of sleep after my second son was born.

And I think people who are prone to depression can be pushed over the edge by stress and worry -- which definitely comes with parenting (and in a lot of other ways, too).